


Homecoming

by pezzainwonderland



Series: Homecoming [1]
Category: The Society (TV 2019)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-03-09 11:11:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 43,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18915775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pezzainwonderland/pseuds/pezzainwonderland
Summary: “You want to go to war with Harry andCampbell,” Bean concluded bluntly, her voice firm, yet quiet.“Maybe,” Grizz confirmed with little to no certainty, “If we have to.”“That’s asking an awful lot. You know that, right?” Gwen snapped, glaring intently at him.“Yeah - that’s why I’m not asking you to come with me. I’m just, like…” he gestured vaguely, “Giving you the option.”She considered him, eyes narrowed, head tilted. After a few tense moments - just when Grizz was about to shift under the intensity of her stare - she nodded, “Okay.”He blinked, “Uh,” he frowned, “Okay. Okay what?”“I’m with you. Let’s do it,” she breathed, giving an incredulous laugh, like she couldn’t believe what she was saying.“Let’s do it,” Bean chimed, clenching her jaw fiercely.The rest of the group nodded in solidarity, and Grizz beamed at them, “Alright,” he grinned, despite the weight of what they were doing, “Cool. Thanks.”Or: The One Where Grizz Tries to Deal with His Feelings While Also Sort of Leading a Revolution





	1. The Return

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't know where I'm going with this, but I had a need. We're on this journey together. Also, I'm sorry if minor character names are wrong.

Grizz couldn’t wrap his head around how things had gone so wrong, so quickly.

It didn’t seem like they had been gone all that long, but somehow everything had gone ass up since they’d left, and he couldn’t help but feel guilty that he hadn’t been here to talk those idiots out of making such a massive fucking mistake. He’d _told them_ that they were wrong. He’d known that they were cooking up some dumb ass, half-baked scheme to take over the town, but never in a million years would he have dreamed that they would ever get the best of Allie.

Allie was fucking smart. She was tough as nails, and those guys…

Those guys had nothing on her.

How the hell had this happened?

“C’mon,” he muttered as the crowd dispersed from the near public stoning of his friends - their once trusted leaders. Will and Allie were good people - they were the _right people_. They didn’t deserve the treatment Grizz had just witnessed in front of that God forsaken church.

He lead the others away from the church yard, instinctively walking toward Allie’s place. Along the way, it occurred to him that they couldn’t go back there - it wouldn’t be safe. Harry would want to get rid of anyone who was loyal to Allie. Going there would make them far too easy to find.

He swallowed, slowing.

“What? What’s wrong?” Bean asked, a nervous quiver clinging to the edge of her words as she peered around anxiously.

“Nothing,” he assured her, “Just...figuring out what the next move is.”

He wasn’t used to this - not here, not within town limits. Grizz wasn’t a leader. He was the brawn, the muscle. He was an enforcer - everyone knew that. Yeah, he was good on the trails, but this?

This was different and, somehow, for some reason, his team of explorers were all looking to him to tell them what they were supposed to do next.

He stopped, hitching his pack higher on his shoulders and turning to face the others as they all huddled around him, “Where are you guys staying?” he asked, looking between them.

“At home,” Gwen piped, folding her arms over her chest defensively, “Why?”

“Who’s there with you?”

“Jessica, Erika, Liv - why?” she pressed.

Grizz shifted his weight, licking his lips, “I don’t know - I just…” he sighed, shaking his head, “Look, I don’t know what’s going on, but obviously we missed something big, right? I dunno about you, but I don’t think I wanna sit back and wait to see what happens, but I’m not...I won’t ask you to stand with me. I don’t even know what that means yet, I just know that Harry, Clark, Jason - those guys don’t give a shit about this town. Things are gonna change - things are gonna get bad.”

“So...if you wanna go home, just lay low and stay out of it, I’m not gonna hold it against you,” he muttered, peering up at them all, “But if you’re with me, if you wanna fix this and help Allie, then I think we should find a place to set up a base to figure this out - figure out what our next move is gonna be. Somewhere we won’t be found.”

“You want to go to war with Harry and _Campbell_ ,” Bean concluded bluntly, her voice firm, yet quiet.

“Maybe,” Grizz confirmed with little to no certainty, “If we have to.”

“That’s asking an awful lot. You know that, right?” Gwen snapped, glaring intently at him.

“Yeah - that’s why I’m not asking you to come with me. I’m just, like…” he gestured vaguely, “Giving you the option.”

She considered him, eyes narrowed, head tilted. After a few tense moments - just when Grizz was about to shift under the intensity of her stare - she nodded, “Okay.”

He blinked, “Uh,” he frowned, “Okay. Okay what?”

“I’m with you. Let’s do it,” she breathed, giving an incredulous laugh, like she couldn’t believe what she was saying.

“Let’s do it,” Bean chimed, clenching her jaw fiercely.

The rest of the group nodded in solidarity, and Grizz beamed at them, “Alright,” he grinned, despite the weight of what they were doing, “Cool. Thanks.”

They stood awkwardly for a moment before Grizz clapped his hands together, “So. Any ideas on where we can go?”

They were quiet for a moment while the group thought it through, trying to think of the last place anyone would look for them - somewhere where they could lay low and organize. Somewhere out of the way.

“The hospital?” Bean suggested after a moment, “No one’s used it since Thanksgiving - except Becca, I mean. No one except Gordie and Kelly even knows what to do with it, so...they’ve got no reason to go there.”

“Yes! Good. That’s good,” Grizz agreed. For a moment, he’d forgotten about what had happened with Becca and Sam.

Well...he hadn’t _forgotten_ , but it hadn’t been at the forefront of his mind. He wanted to check in on Sam, make sure he was okay. This would make that easier, if Becca was still staying in the hospital. Sam would be with her - with his baby.

He hoped to God he hadn’t been at Allie’s when shit had hit the fan.

They made their way toward the hospital, being careful to be as inconspicuous as possible, not wanting to draw attention to themselves. The air in the town was different - they could all feel it. There was a tension that Grizz couldn’t quite put his finger on - a dark sort of anticipation. Like he was just waiting for something to go wrong.

They hadn’t even been back for a full day and, already, he regretted coming back at all.

When the hospital appeared ahead, however, his heart raced in anticipation. Things with Sam were so uncertain. There were a lot of things that they needed to talk about and figure out, but Grizz was eager to see him, if only to know that he was alright.

That was all that mattered in that moment. He would make sure he was alright, and the rest could wait.

The explorers headed inside, and Grizz made his way to where Becca had been rooming, preparing to give birth. He hadn’t been back since he’d found out about Becca and Sam. He didn’t want to blame Becca for what had happened between him and Sam. He didn’t want to resent her, or this pregnancy. Despite his personal heartbreak, Grizz understood how important this was. This was the first baby born in New Ham. It was a big deal.

And it was Sam’s.

Sam, who was sat next to Becca’s hospital bed, laughing at something she had said, his finger tucked in the palm of the infant in her arms. It was a beautiful scene, and it sort of broke Grizz’s heart. It nearly knocked the wind out of him, seeing them all together like that. He hadn’t been expecting it - he hadn’t known that she’d had the baby.

It was...a lot.

He knocked gently on the doorframe, feeling guilty for interrupting such a sweet moment. He smiled sheepishly when Becca beamed up at him, “Grizz! You’re back!”

Sam turned, then, having seen his name on her lips, and Grizz watched as his whole body sighed in relief, “Hi,” he mouthed softly as he shifted eagerly, like he wanted to get up and greet him properly but didn’t know if he should.

Grizz understood why he didn’t. He understood, as he looked from Sam to Becca, that he was still some kind of secret, and the baby still held tight to Sam’s finger. Becca was right there, oblivious to anything that had transpired between the two boys in front of her, and Grizz understood why Sam didn’t leap up to embrace him, even if it hurt.

Sam had to keep his secret. He wasn’t ready to break Becca’s heart just yet.

So, he’d keep putting little cracks in Grizz’s instead.

“Hey,” he murmured in return. He cleared his throat, “Boy or girl?” he asked quietly, signing as much as he could.

“Girl,” Becca smiled, “Eden.”

Grizz gave a genuine smile at that, his eyes welling as he became overwhelmed by the moment and by his own conflicting emotions, “She’s beautiful,” he told them earnestly, looking between the pair, “Congratulations,” he said - and he absolutely meant it. It was wonderful, and she was perfect.

Of course she was.

He swallowed, blinking away his tears, “We, uh - I wanted to make sure you guys were okay,” he explained, assuming they had to be wondering what he was doing there, “And with everything going on, we needed somewhere to crash, so -”

Sam looked to Becca, frowning deeply in confusion. She shook her head, just as lost as he was, “What do you mean?” she asked, doing her best to sign with Eden in her arms.

“You don’t know?”

Sam shook his head, “What’s going on? What happened?”

Grizz gave a dismayed shrug, “I don’t know - they, like...fucking arrested Allie and Will, or something. I don’t know where they took ‘em, or what they’re gonna do with them, but Harry and Lexie are running the place. They’ve got Jason, Clark - fucking _Luke_ -”

“Oh my God,” Becca breathed, instinctively holding her child just a bit closer.

He looked at Sam then, his eyes sympathetic, “Campbell’s with them,” he signed, voice gentle, “Whatever they’re up to, he’s part of it.”

“Figures,” Sam murmured, shaking his head, “It was a matter of time.”

Grizz gave a nod of agreement, considering the family in front of him, “If it’s alright with you, we thought we’d set up camp here. Figure out what to do next. We can keep you safe - “

“Of course it’s okay - more than okay,” Becca assured him brightly.

“There are plenty of beds,” Sam pointed out playfully.

“Right, yeah,” Grizz agreed, humouring him with a half-hearted smile.

Sam frowned, and Grizz knew he’d worn out his welcome, “Well, I’ll, uh...leave you to it,” he clapped, stepping back toward the door, “I’m glad you guys are okay. We’ll be around if you need anything - food, diapers. Lemme know.”

“Thanks, Grizz,” Becca chuckled.

Then, with a nod, he headed back out into the hall. He didn’t know what he’d expected from his reunion with Sam. Maybe he’d built it up too much in his head, but he’d hoped it would be… _more_.

But nothing had been resolved between them. Sam had apologized, and Grizz was ready to forgive him, but did that change anything?

No. Not really.

Forgiving him didn’t make anything easier, or less confusing. It didn’t change the fact that Sam hadn’t told Becca about them, and Grizz sort of suspected that he had no intention of doing so.

“Grizz!”

He heard the all-too-familiar voice and felt the grip on his coat, urging him to stop and turn to see Sam looking up at him, eyes bright. The charmingly freckled redhead reached up, without any hesitation whatsoever, and touched Grizz’s cheek, “You came back,” he beamed, “You’re okay. You are okay, right?”

A look of concern crossed his features as he stepped back to look him over, just to be sure, before he returned his gaze to the taller man’s face.

“I’m okay,” Grizz assured him, signing the words while he spoke.

Before he’d left, they’d had a moment. They’d kissed and held each other because they hadn’t known for sure that it wouldn’t be the last time they’d get the chance to do so. Grizz had been able to put everything aside then because, Christ, he’d been scared that he might not make it back. Of course he wanted to have that moment with Sam before he left. He didn’t want to go out with everything wrong between them.

But he hadn’t died. He’d come back, and now he didn’t know what that meant for them. He didn’t know what they were to each other. He didn’t know where they stood, or how he felt about it all.

“What’s wrong?” Sam signed worriedly, his hand gripping the pockets of the coat Grizz had yet to take off.

Grizz sniffed, glancing back toward Becca’s room, “It’s a lot to swallow,” he admitted quietly, voice breaking. He swallowed the lump in his throat, taking Sam’s hands in his and stepping back, putting a bit of distance between them. He brushed his thumbs over his skin, looking at their hands for a moment while he collected his thoughts and tried to think of what he needed to say.

“You waited until I left Becca’s room to come to me,” he murmured, pursing his lips and clenching his jaw to keep his emotions in check. He stopped Sam when he tried to interject, “No, I know - you don’t want to upset her right now. I get it - I got that, but I just…”

He shook his head sadly, “I’m don’t want to be your secret,” he shrugged, “I kept myself secret all through high school, Sam. I’m done.”

“Tell her the truth,” he pressed gently, “Doesn’t have to be now, but if you want to do this - “ he squeezed his hands, “You’re gonna have to tell her first. Okay?”

Sam swallowed thickly, blue eyes clouded with unshed tears. He nodded, “Okay,” he agreed quietly.

Grizz smiled sadly, stepping closer to kiss Sam’s forehead sweetly, lingering just a bit longer than he should have, “I’ll be around if you need me,” he promised once he’d stepped back enough for Sam to see.

Sam did his best to return the smile and nodded. Grizz let go of his hands, then, but Sam held on to one until the last second as Grizz headed off down the hallway to rejoin the explorers.


	2. The Walk

The air in the cafeteria felt thickened with uncertainty. Everyone was on edge, not unlike how things had been after Cassandra’s death. No one knew who they could trust, no one felt _safe_. The sense of security they’d briefly had was all but lost now that they were under new leadership.

Some, it seemed, were handling the changes better than others - laughing and joking loudly amongst themselves, making those around them flinch with each loud, abrasive bang or cackle.

The explorers had come to eat with the others. They had agreed that it would only draw attention to them if they didn’t show up, and Grizz didn’t want to give away their distaste for their new leaders too soon.

At least, not any more than he already had.

He had to figure out exactly what the hell had happened, first.

He set his tray down with a loud slap and settled in across from where Luke and Helena were sat, barely acknowledging one another’s presence.

Luke looked worse than Grizz had ever seen him.

“We need to talk,” he stated bluntly, jaw clenched. Luke had promised to fill him in, and Grizz was going to hold him to that.

Luke sighed, looking over his shoulder - presumably surveying the room to see who might be able to hear them.

Helena watched him do so, eyes filled with sympathy and concern, “Maybe now’s not the best time,” she stated pointedly, moving closer to hover protectively beside him.

Grizz pursed his lips, “Oh yeah? Why’s that?”

“Grizz -“ Luke began, his tone one of warning.

“No - you said you’d tell me what the hell’s going on, so tell me.”

“Later,” Luke promised, his tone pleading, “You can come back to my place - I’ll tell you everything. We just can’t get into it here, alright?”

People were starting to look their way, curious about the raised voices, but wary of them at the same time. Grizz peered back at them, considering them the same way they were considering him - trying to decide who in this room was part of this mess. Who was on Harry’s side? Campbell’s? _Lexi’s_?

Who had they gotten to?

“I thought you were smarter than this,” he murmured, lowering his voice as he looked back at Luke, eyes cold, “I expected this bullshit from those idiots - “ he nodded to where Jason and Clark were sat, laughing and roughhousing loudly, “ - but you?” he shook his head.

“Watch what you say, man,” Luke warned again. It wasn’t a threat, like Grizz might have expected. It was genuine concern, and that gave him pause.

He looked from Luke, to Helena, then back to Luke, “I gotta take rations back to Becca and Sam. Is that allowed?” he asked, words short and biting.

“Yeah, of course -”

“How’s she doing?” Helena interjected.

Grizz narrowed his eyes, unable to figure out what their angle was. They’d turned their backs on them, after all - Becca had been part of Allie’s inner circle, too, “Fine.”

He wasn’t about to invite them back to see her. They knew she was there, of course, and the hospital was open to whoever, but Grizz wanted them to know that they weren’t welcome there.

“I’ll come by your place later tonight,” he stated after a tense moment, “Just you and me, alright?” he clarified, wanting to me sure that he wouldn’t be walking into an ambush.

Luke nodded, “Yeah, dude. ‘Course.”

It was an awful feeling, but Grizz wasn’t sure if he could trust Luke anymore. That feeling was foreign to him. Even though they both had their secrets, they had been close once upon a time - mere weeks ago, really. And now, Grizz felt like he hardly recognized the man sitting across from him.

Grizz sighed, running his fingers through his hair, “Alright,” he muttered. He stuffed the last of his meal into his mouth before he rose to retrieve Becca and Sam’s share of the rations. He didn’t really want to linger any longer than was necessary. He’d shown up, that was enough for him.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He knew that it would take time for Sam to tell Becca the truth about them.

It wasn’t like he expected to go grab something to eat and come back to Sam being available and ready to pick up where they’d left off on Thanksgiving. He understood that Becca had just given birth, that things were crazy right now, that she was Sam’s best friend and he loved her.

Grizz was still sort of new. What they had was still fresh. It was going to take a second for Sam to figure out how to tell his best friend and the mother of his child that he was involved with someone else.

He got that.

So, he plastered a smile on his face as he knocked gently on the doorframe before he entered Becca’s room. He was surprised to see that Sam wasn’t there with her, “Hey,” he smiled, lowering his voice when he saw that Eden was asleep in the crib nearby, “Sorry - I brought you something to eat, if you’re hungry.”

Becca audibly moaned, reaching her hands out to eagerly accept the food, “You’re a Saint. Thank you,” she breathed, hurriedly unwrapping the meal and inhaling deeply, “Ugh, I’m starving,” she laughed, taking a bite of the sandwich.

Grizz grinned. He liked Becca - always had. She was a cool girl. Smart, funny. Sharp.

If Sam was gonna raise a child with anyone besides him, he was glad it was her.

“I brought Sam a plate, too. Is he around?” he asked, doing his best to keep his tone casual.

Becca shook her head, “No, he left a while ago. Said he needed to stretch his legs or something.”

Grizz’s stomach fell, “He went for a walk? Like, outside? By himself? Now?”

“I know - that’s what I said!” She rolled her eyes, “No one ever said he was smart.”

“I’ll find him,” he promised, “He can’t do that right now. None of us should be out there alone - especially not him.”

Everyone knew that Sam was loyal to Allie. He’d been staying with her, for Christ sake. And Campbell already had it out for his brother. Sam posed a threat to him. Sam _knew_ him - he knew exactly the sort of person Campbell was, and exactly what he was capable of.

Sam wasn’t someone Campbell would want roaming around New Ham, sharing what he knew with others.

“I’ll be right back,” Grizz muttered, barely registering Becca’s frightened, ‘Okay,’ as he darted back out into the hall.

He set the food aside and jogged toward the hospital entrance, bursting through the door and looking this way and that, trying to figure out which way Sam might have gone.

How could he be so careless? He _knew_ how dangerous Campbell was, and, because of his affiliation with Harry, Campbell had all the power right now. He would do anything to keep it, Grizz was sure of it.

He wanted to call out his name, but he knew it wouldn’t do him any good - and it would only draw unwanted attention to the fact that Sam was out there somewhere.

“Fuck me,” Grizz cursed in exasperation, finally just picking a direction and running that way, just hoping he’d stumble upon exactly the man he was searching for out of sheer dumb luck.

He didn’t know how long he ran for. He was grateful for all those years of football, because that was all that allowed him to keep up a consistent pace throughout his search - that and the fear of what it might mean if he couldn’t find Sam.

His lungs were burning from exertion and from the cool fall air when he finally ( _finally_ ) spotted a familiar figure in the distance.

He sped up to catch up with Sam, reaching to touch his shoulder to get his attention. He was panting when Sam turned to face him, and Grizz signed furiously, “The hell are you doing?!” he scolded, staring at him incredulously.

Sam frowned like it was obvious, “Looking for you!”

“ _What_?”

Sam’s jaw clenched stubbornly and he rolled his eyes, “I was looking for you,” he repeated, “I went to find you at the hospital, but you were gone - “

“We went to the cafeteria!”

“And you didn’t think to invite me? Maybe I wanted to go,” Sam glared.

“You were with Becca,” Grizz countered. This was stupid argument - he knew it was stupid. He also knew it wasn’t about going to the cafeteria.

“I still have to eat!”

“I brought food back for you!”

Silence fell between them for a moment before Sam gave a quiet, “Oh.”

“Yeah, _oh_ ,” Grizz mocked childishly, “You can’t be out here by yourself, Sam. Especially not at night.”

Sam’s eyes narrowed, “Why the hell not?” he signed quickly while he spoke, clearly agitated.

“Seriously? _Campbell,_ Sam!”

The other man scoffed, “I can handle Campbell - I’ve been dealing with him my whole life.”

“Not like this,” Grizz shook his head, “You know too much. You’re friends with Allie. He’s gonna wanna make sure you don’t tell people the truth about him and fuck up whatever deal he’s made with Harry.”

Sam’s face fell as he processed what Grizz was saying - what he was implying. He visibly paled and inhaled a shaky breath, “You think he’s going to come after me?”

“No - I don’t know,” Grizz clarified, instinctively stepping closer, “We just can’t risk it, alright? You can’t do shit like _this_. Not by yourself.”

“You can’t be with me 24/7,” Sam pointed out, rightly assuming that Grizz would want to be the one to protect him.

“Doesn’t have to be me.”

“But I want it to be you,” Sam tilted his head to catch Grizz’s eye hopefully.

“That’s not fair,” Grizz pointed out, “Just...be smart. Please. I need you alive if we’re ever gonna figure things out with us, y’know.”

Sam grinned, despite the weight of their conversation, “Smooth,” he complimented, “That’s a good incentive.”

“Thank you,” Grizz chuckled, “I hoped that might do it.”

Sam smiled up at him, and Grizz had to look away, because he liked that smile far too much. Sam had this knowing, cocky sort of smile - confident as all hell.

Grizz _really_ liked that smile.

He cleared his throat, grateful for the cold air that hid his blush, “C’mon - let’s get back. It’s fucking freezing out here.”

They walked side by side back toward the hospital. At some point during their trek, Sam’s fingers brushed against his - once accidentally at first, then intentionally moments later before he took Grizz’s hand in his, and Grizz couldn’t think of a good enough reason to let go.

“What are you going to do?” Sam asked after they’d walked in silence for a short while, “About Harry and Lexi, I mean.”

Grizz shook his head, “I don’t know yet,” he admitted, “I’m going to Luke’s tonight so he can fill me in on what actually went down. I’ll figure out the rest from there, I guess. Figure out how to free Allie and Will - clear their names, then we can all decide what out next move is gonna be.”

Sam frowned, “I thought Luke was with them.”

“He is.”

“Is that a good idea?”

“Dunno. Guess I’ll find out.”

Grizz swallowed his nerves, doing his best to put on a brave face, and Sam held his hand a little tighter the rest of the way back to their temporary home.


	3. The Plan

Grizz was nervous to talk to Luke.

That feeling was foreign to him. Not the feeling of uncertainty itself, necessarily, but more the fact that his uncertainty was associated with someone he had once called his best friend. It wasn’t that long ago that Grizz had been helping Luke choose Helena’s engagement ring, talking about life and relationships and what made Helena so special.

It had been a sweet, vulnerable conversation - one that Grizz had taken to heart. It had been the kick in the ass he’d needed to put himself out there and talk to Sam. He’d wanted to feel the way Luke felt about Helena.

And now he was nervous to talk to him, and it was hard to pinpoint exactly why. He couldn’t figure out if it was because he thought this might be some kind of trap, or because he was afraid to hear what Luke had to say. He didn’t want to believe that Luke had changed this drastically in such a short time - it had only been a week. How could he have gone to the dark side so easily?

But he needed to know. He needed to understand it. He needed to hear it straight from Luke’s mouth, and Grizz felt like he knew him well enough that he’d be able to see through any bullshit that he tried to throw at him.

He was on edge as he approached the house, keeping his eyes peeled for anything off. Mainly, he was looking for Jason, or Clark. He’d already spoken to those morons about this - they knew where he stood. He didn’t have anything more to say to them. Trying to reason with them was like talking to a brick wall.

He rang the doorbell and stuffed his hands into his pockets while he waited. When the door opened, it was Helena who stood on the other side, “Hey,” he muttered, offering her a small, crooked smile.

“Hi,” she uttered in return, stepping aside to let him in, surveying the yard herself - perhaps to make sure that he, too, had come alone.

It was touching, how protective she was of Luke. Grizz had always been envious of their relationship. It was such a supportive partnership - they had each other’s backs, no matter what. They trusted each other. They had always been the gold standard of relationships, to him, and he’d always looked forward to the day when he could leave West Ham and find something like that for himself.

“Luke’s upstairs,” She told him once the door was closed behind him.

“Thanks,” he said, taking in the already empty house. Grizz had gotten used to overcrowded spaces and houses filled to the brim with people to conserve their resources.

It was weird, now, to see the place so empty.

Funny how his version of normal had been altered so quickly. He’d adapted to that survivalist way of life - “normalcy” looked off to him now. Wrong, almost.

But Grizz had always sort of been made for a world like this, as fucked up as it was. He liked the outdoors - he liked camping, he had liked learning random wilderness survival tips and tricks from various youtube challenges and channels. He liked gardening and the idea of living off the land. That sort of thing had _always_ interested him.

He’d just never really known that it would come in handy someday.

Others weren’t so prepared to regress to that survivalist mentality and, therefore, they weren’t as inclined to accept these abrupt changes to their way of life, because they couldn’t wrap their head around the gravity of their situation. They could only see everything that they’d lost - the luxuries that they missed. They couldn’t look forward to what they had to do to make things work in the long run.

They were teenagers - of course they were selfish. They weren’t supposed to have to worry about fending for themselves or the “greater good.”

Grizz understood a lot of things (he liked to think that he was a pretty understanding person), but that didn’t make any of it any less frustrating.

Maybe Luke had just gotten tired of the work and the pressure and, in a moment of weakness, he’d gotten sucked into the wrong situation and was in over his head.

Maybe he just couldn’t see a way out.

Grizz ascended to the second floor, heading toward where he knew Luke’s bedroom was located. He knocked gently before stepping inside.

Luke was sat on the bed, leaning back against the headboard, watching a video on his phone. Grizz recognized the video from the audio alone. It was from an away game they’d had junior year. They were on the bus, playfully talking bullshit and strategy.

He was looking back on better, easier times.

Without saying a word, Grizz climbed up onto the bed next to him, leaning back to watch a bit with him, “That was a good game,” he commented wistfully.

“We lost,” Luke reminded him flatly.

“Yeah, but we played good. Hard,” he explained simply. It wasn’t always about winning or losing. Sometimes - most of the time - it was about how you played the game.

Luke hummed in agreement. He paused the video with a sigh and tossed the phone aside, “Things are so fucked up,” he muttered, scooting down the bed so that he could lay back properly, his arm strewn over his face.

“Yeah,” Grizz agreed, considering his friend, “What happened, Luke?” he asked quietly - gently.

Luke was struggling, that much was clear. The last thing Grizz wanted was for him to feel attacked. He just wanted to know the truth, and he hoped that Luke would be able to give him that.

Luke let his arm fall to his side and stared up at the ceiling. His brow was furrowed deeply, his eyes darted ever so subtly back and forth like he was warring with himself. Maybe he was searching for the right explanation - or just the right words.

“They were gonna rig the election,” he said finally, still staring straight ahead, jaw clenched tightly - almost like the words were being ripped out of him.

“Who was? _Allie_?”

Luke nodded, closing his eyes.

“C’mon, man. Are you fucking serious - the whole thing was her idea! Why would she risk fucking it all up?” Grizz pressed, because he didn’t want to believe what he was hearing.

“Dunno,” Luke murmured, voice cold and emotionless. Tired, if anything, “Maybe she got scared.”

“Scared of what? Losing? She never wanted any of it in the first place,” Grizz scoffed, shaking his head, “Just doesn’t make sense, man. None of it.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Grizz. It’s the fucking truth,” Luke sighed, sitting up properly, running his fingers through his hair.

“I wanna talk to her,” Grizz stated decidedly, “I wanna talk to Allie.”  
“Just stay out of it, man,” Luke warned, “You don’t wanna open that door, alright? Just leave it.”

“I need to speak with Allie,” he glared, words slow and purposeful. Pointed and direct.

“You can’t.”

“And why the hell not?”

“They’ll never let you.”

“Who? Harry? Fucking _Lexie_? I’m not afraid of them -”

“No, man - Jesus Christ,” Luke growled, “Campbell! Jason and - and Clark. They work for them now, dude, and there are no fucking… _rules of conduct_. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Grizz’s jaw clenched in frustration, “So, it’s fall in line or die, is that it?”

Luke shook his head, “I...I don’t know. Maybe!” he swallowed, eyes filled with something that looked a lot like fear - shame, “Maybe…”

Grizz sniffed, shaking his head in disbelief, “One week,” he muttered, “I was gone _one fucking week_ and you assholes went and blew everything to hell.”

“We didn’t have a choice!”

“Fuck you, Luke,” he snapped, “You always have a fucking choice.”

With that, Grizz slid off of the bed and back out of the room. Helena was pacing near the foot of the stairs, and she looked up and him expectantly as he descended back into the foyer, “Thanks,” he murmured gruffly in passing - what he was thanking her for, he wasn’t really sure, but it just seemed like the polite thing to do.

“Grizz, wait - “ She blurted, and he paused with his hand on the door handle, “What did he tell you? What’d he say?”

Grizz sighed, glancing back at her over his shoulder, “He told me to stay out of it.”

Helena frowned, “I...maybe that’s not the worst advice?” she offered sheepishly.

Grizz shook his head, “Yeah, but it’s not the right thing to do. I think we both know that.”

She swallowed, “He’s just trying to protect you - us.”

“I don’t need his protection,” he stated. He let go of the door handle, licking his lips as he approached her, “Something’s not right. I think you know that,” he ventured, keeping his voice low as he surveyed her features for any confirmation that his suspicions were correct.

“I can’t...I’m not gonna turn my back on him, Grizz. Not now. I-I trust him. I believe him - “

“Do you?”

She was silent, then, pointedly avoiding his gaze, unable to make eye contact, and he knew that even she wasn’t sure what to believe.

“Just...watch yourself, okay?” he settled on, and she gave a small nod. He hesitated, hoping he wouldn’t regret what he was about to stay, “We’re staying at the hospital, if you change your mind,” he offered carefully, “or...if you need anything. We’ll look after you,” he promised.

She shook her head adamantly, “I’m not having this conversation with you - he’d never hurt me.”

“That’s not - I didn’t mean that. I just...if you want out, we’ll be there.”

She must have understood, then, that he was referring to the line that was being drawn in the sand - the us versus them. For the first time, he was making it clear to someone that he didn’t intend to play by Harry or Lexie’s new rules, whatever they might turn out to be. He wasn’t giving up on Allie, or Will.

Everyone would have to choose sides, and he was letting her know where he stood, if she found herself on the wrong one.

It was a dangerous game he was playing, and they both knew it. But, nevertheless, she conceded, “Okay,” she whispered, voice breaking under the weight of that single word and the reality that she was possibly facing - leaving Luke behind, _betraying_ him.

Grizz offered her a small, supportive smile in return before he left, stepping back out into the crisp autumn air.

As he walked back toward the hospital, through the dark, cold night, the gravity of what he’d just done slowly started to sink in, and he felt his heart begin to race. Maybe he shouldn’t have told Helena where they were. What if she went to the mayors and told them that Grizz was sniffing around? What if she told them that he was inviting “non-believers” to come gather at the hospital?

_Fuck_ , what if Luke told the guys everything he’d said? Would they come looking for him? Would they lock him up like they had Allie and Will?

Was that what he was doing? He hadn’t been thinking about any of that when he’d said what he had, or when he’d made the offer to Helena. He’d been caught up in the moment, and he’d just wanted her to know that she had options - that she didn’t have to go along with whatever Luke was doing if it wasn’t what she believed in.

He’d just wanted to help - it wasn’t about building his numbers, or finding, like… _supporters_.

He was just trying to do the right thing. When had that become wrong?

Maybe there _was_ no right or wrong anymore…

“What the hell am I doing?” he breathed.

The truth was that he had absolutely no fucking idea. He needed to talk to the others, see what they thought. He needed help - guidance.

He was no leader. He never wanted to be one.

And, just for a second, he thought that maybe he felt the tiniest amount of the pressure Allie had been under when everything had fallen on her shoulders - the helplessness of being unwillingly thrown into a situation that felt completely out of your control.

It was nauseating.

Back at the hospital, Grizz set straight to work trying to round everyone up, “Team meeting in Becca’s room,” he would tell them whenever he stumbled upon one in the halls or a cluster of them hanging out in common areas.

They all sort of a gave him an odd look at his choice of words, but he chose to ignore that.

Once he’d rounded everyone up, the ventured to Becca’s room where he was sure Sam would be, too.

The pair looked at the group in confusion when everyone filed inside, finding various places to lean or sit. It was a bit of a tight space to accommodate everyone, but they would have to make due until Becca was okay to move to a bigger location.

If she wanted to be a part of this, that is.

Which was a whole other issues entirely - that was another discussion he’d have to have with Becca and Sam in private once he’d laid out what he knew.

Which wasn’t much, if he were to be honest, and he told them so when he explained what Luke had said, in as much detail as he could remember. He also told Becca and Sam what they’d witnessed in front of the church.

“It’s obviously not true,” Sam interjected immediately once Grizz was finished.

“That’s what I said,” he agreed.

“What about Allie?” Bean asked, “And Will? Where did they take them?”

Grizz shook his head, “I don’t know.”

“Well, are they okay?” Todd pressed.

“I-I don’t know - “

“How the hell are we supposed to help them if we don’t know where they are, huh?”

“I’m still figuring that out,” Grizz assured him.

“Jesus. So what _do_ you know?”

“Hey,” Gwen snapped, glaring at the boy across from her, “Lay off him, alright? We’re all playing catch up here. None of us know what the hell we’re supposed to do - just give him a fucking second to breathe. At least he’s trying. What have you done, hmm? Do _you_ know where they are? Huh? What about you?” she asked, turning her glare on Tyson, who had been nodding along with his friend’s line of questioning.

“I didn’t say anything!” he grumbled, cowering away from the death stare she was giving him.

“That’s what I thought,” she snapped. She turned then to smile at Grizz, giving him a nod to continue.

He smiled back, returning the nod gratefully, “Uh. Thanks.”

He glanced at Sam, who had quirked his eyebrow in interest, looking from Grizz, to Gwen, then back again.

He cleared his throat, “I think we gotta play the long game, here,” he began, thinking through his ideas as he said them - flying by the seat of his pants, more or less, “We’re gonna have to lay low. Blend in. Maybe, if I can get in with the Guard, I can sneak in and talk to Allie - “

“That’s suicide,” Sam snapped, immediately shooting down the idea.

“Maybe not,” Grizz countered, “I know these guys. I saw Luke’s face - he’s scared. Maybe Jason and Clark are, too. If I can get through to them, maybe they can help us get her out.”

“What if they don’t?” Becca spoke, signing the words as she said them for Sam’s benefit.

“Then we move to Plan B,” he stated simply.

“Which is what?” Bean asked, arms folded across her chest.

“I’m - “

“Still figuring it out?” she finished with a teasing smile.

Grizz nodded sheepishly.

“How about this,” she offered, “You get some rest. Tomorrow, we can sit down a figure out how Plan A’s gonna work without you getting killed, and then we can work on Plan B,” she stepped forward, reaching to place a hand on his shoulder, “We’re with you, Grizz. Let us help.”

He nodded, grateful that she had stepped up and taken some of the weight off of his shoulders. He reached up to cover her hand with his, “Thanks.”

Gwen stood, then, and moved up behind where he was sat, draping her arms around his shoulders in a comforting embrace, “No one expects you to deal with all of this by yourself, so stop trying, you idiot,” she teased.

He breathed an audible sigh of relief and gave a chuckled, “Noted,” he grinned.

When he looked up at Sam, however, he looked far from pleased with the scene unfolding before him, and the plan going forward. He rose from his spot next to Becca’s bed, “I need a minute,” he told her shortly before he stormed out of the room.

“Sam - “ Becca called, her voice dripping in confusion. She looked at Grizz, a deep frown distorting her features.

Grizz carefully removed himself from the girls’ embrace and rose from his seat, “Lemme talk to him,” he suggested, and Becca nodded. He looked to the others, then, “That’s it for tonight, I guess. Get some rest. We’ll talk more in the morning.”

With that, the group dissipated and Grizz followed Sam down the halls until there was a fair distance between them and the others. Sam turned abruptly and shoved the taller man back, “What are you doing?!” he demanded, “Are you _trying_ to get yourself killed?”

This was familiar…

“What happened to, ‘No one goes out alone’?! ‘It’s not safe, _Sam_ \- you can’t go for a walk, _Sam_ ’ but you think you get to just...waltz right into the Lion’s den?!”

“This is different - “

“Is it?!”

“Yes!” he insisted, “This could work, Sam. We’ve gotta do _something_.”

“Why _you_?” he pleaded, voice and features softening, “Why does it have to be you? You just got back…”

“Who else could it be?” he offered simply - sadly, “They’d never let anyone else in, but I’m _one of them_ \- or I was…”

Sam’s jaw clenched and he shook his head, eyes welling with frustrated tears, “I hate it,” he murmured honestly.

Grizz nodded, “I know.”

Sam stood for a moment, crossing his arms over his chest stubbornly, chewing his lip, deep in thought, “What can I do? How can I help?”

“...come up with a really good Plan B?” he offered with a humourless chuckle.

Sam scoffed at that, “I’m serious, Grizz. I want to help.”

“So am I. Stay here, take care of Becca and Eden, and help the others figure out what to do if things go south. That’s all you can do - that’s all I’ve got.”

“Will you stay with them?” he asked, “Will I be able to see you?”

“Yeah - I mean, I’ll be around. I’ll see you in the cafeteria, and stuff…”

“But you won’t be _here_.”

Grizz shrugged, eyes apologetic, “I don’t know. I don’t think so.”

Sam glared up at him, “I swear to God if you go and die on me - “

Grizz laughed at that - a real, true laugh, “You’ll kill me?” he teased darkly.

“That’s not funny!” Sam scolded, lips twitching into a hint of a smile despite himself.

“It’s a little funny,” Grizz insisted, reaching to tuck a stray hair back into place.

Sam took a deep, cleansing breath, “Give me a couple days before you do anything stupid. If I can come up with a better plan, can we just scrap Plan A altogether?”

Grizz nodded eagerly, “By all means, yeah. Absolutely.”

Sam beamed, then, “Okay. Good.”

“Good,” Grizz smiled, “You should, uh...get back, though. I think you freaked Becca out, storming off like that.”

“Right,” Sam sighed, “You’ll come get me tomorrow, right? Before you have any more meetings about this?”

Grizz nodded, “Sure, yeah.”

“You better,” he warned.

“I will. Promise.”

And, with that, Grizz walked Sam back to Becca’s room and, in doing so, it occurred to him that this was probably the closest he’d ever get to being able to walk Sam to his front door after a normal night out at the movies, or dinner.

Because things weren’t normal. He didn’t know if they ever would be again.

But he did make a mental note to be sure to hopefully, someday, take Sam on an actual, real date.


	4. The Meeting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I have a problem. Also, I don't own these characters (I feel like that's something I'm supposed to specify to avoid copyright issues, is that right? I don't even know anymore - it's been way too long since I've written fanfiction, clearly).

Morning came quicker than Grizz would have liked.

As he laid in his bed, delaying the day for as long as he could, Grizz thought back to when he had told Gwen that he wished he could stay in that clearing in the woods. Today, as he reflected upon the events of the day and night before, Grizz wished for that freedom even more - that peace and quiet that he so longed for.

He couldn’t help but wonder if that was still an option for them, should things go badly in New Ham. Maybe that could be Plan C. They could leave New Ham behind and start anew in the clearing - build their own society, their own life, away from all the bullshit...

But he knew he would never go anywhere without Sam, and they wouldn’t be able to move Becca and Eden through the forest to a clearing with no shelter, no readily available supplies, in the midst of a harsh winter. It would be too dangerous. Eden was so young, so fragile and vulnerable. Grizz would never, _ever_ want to do anything that would put her in danger.

Once again, for the time being, they were trapped.

A knock came on the door to his room before Gwen peeked her head inside with a bright smile, “Rise and shine,” she cooed in a singsong voice, “Sam and Bean brought back breakfast,” she beamed, although the smile didn’t quite reach her eyes.

She hesitated for a moment, shifting her weight from one foot to the other, “Can we talk for a sec?” she asked, stepping inside and closing the door behind her.

Grizz sat up properly, nodding, “Sure, yeah. What’s up?”

Gwen took a seat on the edge of the bed, looking down at her hands in her lap. She took a deep breath before she spoke, cheeks red, “I feel a bit weird about, like...inviting myself into your tent the other night, and stuff. I was really high, it was stupid - “

He frowned, shaking his head and moving out from under the covers to sit next to her, “It was fine,” he assured her honestly, “Kinda nice, actually,” and he meant that. It _had_ been nice to be able to be honest and open with someone for once. He’d liked talking to her.

Gwen had always been someone that Grizz had just known through Clark - through football and the social ladders of high school, but that night in the tent had been the first time that he’d ever really sat down and _talked_ to her. Like, really talked - no bullshit, no putting on a show to seem cool or worthy.

Just a real, honest conversation.

As it turned out, she was a really cool person.

She smiled gratefully at him, “The others were asking me about it,” she admitted, “I didn’t tell them anything - about what you told me, I mean.”

“Oh,” Grizz muttered, “I appreciate that.”

He’d almost forgotten that the others didn’t know he was gay - that, in fact, the only two people who knew were Sam and now Gwen. He also hadn’t really thought about how it might’ve looked to the others when Gwen crawled out of his tent the following morning.

“What _did_ you tell them?” he ventured cautiously. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust her, it was just that he knew how it could be when all eyes were on you to tell a good story - to give the people what they wanted. Gwen didn’t know about Sam, so, she might’ve made something up, or implied something more than what really happened, thinking that she was helping to keep his secret.

She wouldn’t have known that a lie like that could hurt the budding chance he had at finding someone in this hell hole.

She shook her head, “Nothing. I mean, I told them the truth, mostly. That we just talked and cuddled a bit,” she glanced at him, biting her lip worriedly, “Is that okay?”

He thought about it for a moment. He wasn’t sure what else she was supposed to say - people were likely going to assume something had happened either way.

After a moment, he gave a curt nod, “Yeah, that’s okay,” he decided.

Grizz hadn’t thought much about coming out since the expedition. He’d thought about it all the time when they’d first been dropped in New Ham - he’d mourned the fact that he was trapped and would never have the freedom he’d been waiting for. For a while, in the beginning, the light at the end of the tunnel had been gone. There was no longer a definitive end to his high school charade.

It had been easy to pretend when the finish line was in sight, but once that was gone, Grizz had been forced to consider what he wanted - how he wanted to live, especially considering the fact that his life expectancy had likely decreased significantly now that they were trapped in this fucked up alternate universe.

But, after everything that had happened with Sam, then the events that followed the expedition, Grizz hadn’t thought of it again. He didn’t know how he wanted to go about coming out - he didn’t know if it was the best idea right now, given who was currently running the show.

Grizz worried that going public now, with Sam, would make the pair of them more of a target for Campbell. It would put Sam in danger if Grizz was going to stand up against their new leaders, because of course Campbell would want to use him as leverage.

Coming out now would just draw unwanted attention to himself and, more importantly, Sam. They lived in a small town, with small minded people, and those people would have to assume that Sam and Grizz were involved, because they would be the only two gay men they knew.

They wouldn’t be _wrong_ , but it was still bothersome that all it would take for people to know about them would be Grizz coming out - no matter what he said, or how much he tried to deny it, they would assume that they were together.

So, once again, the light at the end of the tunnel was gone.

At least for now.

“Are you okay?” Gwen asked, reaching to take his hand, giving it a supportive squeeze.

He must have been too quiet for a bit too long, and he let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, “Yeah. Yeah, I’m good,” he assured her, barely even sounding convincing to himself, let alone her.

He couldn’t meet her gaze because she was looking at him with such worry and sympathy that Grizz was afraid he’d break, “If you ever want to talk…” she offered softly, and Grizz nodded.

“I’ll come find you,” he promised, turning to smile gratefully at her.

“You better,” she warned, nudging him playfully with her shoulder before she hopped up, offering her hands to help pull him to his feet, “I’m starving - let’s go eat.”

Grizz grinned and allowed Gwen to attempt to pull him to his feet, snorting out a laugh when she struggled to do so.

“You’re an asshole,” she scolded with a laugh of her own and, with that, the pair made their way to where the others had gathered for breakfast.

He was pleasantly surprised to see Kelly and Gordie sitting among them, chatting animatedly with Sam and Becca, “Hey, guys,” he greeted, stepping over the bench to settle in next to Sam, who had scooted over to make room for him upon seeing him approach.

“Hey,” Kelly smiled in return, although she eyed him with suspicious uncertainty before shooting Becca and Sam a quick glance.

“It’s okay, he’s with us,” Becca assured her, reaching to where Eden was resting in her portable crib to rock her gently.

Gordie nodded, re-adjusting himself in his seat, “Kelly was just saying that she talked to Harry - about Allie and Will. About everything.”

“And?” Grizz prompted, eager for any information, or even just an update on whether or not they were okay.

“And nothing - he wouldn’t tell me anything. I don’t think he even knows where they’re keeping them - “ Kelly explained, clearly upset by the whole situation.

That was the thing with Kelly - she wore her emotions on her sleeve. She was easy to read which, in Grizz’s opinion, made her easy to trust, “How can he not know where they are? Isn’t he supposed to be in charge?”

“That’s the thing!” Kelly leaned in, lowering her voice, “I’m not so sure he is.”

“Campbell,” Sam concluded darkly.

Kelly nodded, “He was trying to warn me to stay out of it, like...for my own good, if you know what I mean.”

“That’s what Luke said, too,” Grizz confirmed, “You think Campbell’s got something on them?”

Kelly shook her head, “I don’t know - maybe. Or they’ve made some kind of deal with him, or something,” she surveyed the others, hoping someone else had more information to offer.

When no one spoke up, Gordie inhaled deeply, “If Campbell’s really the one calling the shots, Allie and Will are in serious danger.”

“We all are,” Sam corrected and, beneath the table, hidden from the curious eyes of their companions, he reached over to take Grizz’s hand in his, holding tightly to it.

Grizz cleared his throat, nervously tucking his hair back behind his ear with his free hand, “I gotta get in there,” he murmured, jaw clenched decidedly - stubbornly. He knew Sam hated that idea, he knew he’d promised to give him time to come up with something better, but Grizz couldn’t help but feel like they were running out of time. The longer Allie and Will were in there, the lesser the chances that he’d find them alive - he was sure of it, “I gotta get in there and find out what’s really going on - and what the hell they’ve done with Allie and Will.”

“Wait - “ Kelly frowned, “What are you talking about? Like another raid? You can’t do that by yourself, Grizz. And, even if you _could_ find others to help you, they’ve got guns, and - “

Grizz shook his head quickly, “No, no, not like that - not like that. More like...a man on the inside. Like a mole.”

“You want to join them,” Gordie clarified, not seeming to immediately balk at the idea like some of the others had. Instead, he seemed intrigued by it.

Grizz nodded, “I can get them to trust me. I’ll act like I bought Luke’s bullshit story, and I can infiltrate their operation and report back to you guys with what I find. Then we can come up with a plan to free Allie and Will.”

“And, in the meantime, we’ll figure out how to take care of Campbell,” Gordie finished.

“Exactly,” Grizz confirmed, glad that they had Gordie to help come up with a good, solid strategy. It made him feel a bit more confident that they might be able to pull this off. Gordie was smart - if he thought they could do this, that it was a good idea, then they were on the right track.

“How will you get information back to us without getting caught? If they see you talking to us, they’ll get suspicious,” Kelly pointed out.

“The woods,” a voice came from behind them, and Grizz released Sam’s hand quickly, unsure if it would be visible from the different angle.

He regretted doing so when he saw that it was just Gwen, and he quickly turned to give Sam an apologetic smile. He was met with an odd look - a suspicious, angry sort of expression as, again, Sam’s eyes flicked between Grizz and Gwen.

“Sorry,” Gwen shrugged, not really seeming all that apologetic as she came to sit on Grizz’s other side, making herself comfortable at their table, despite the looks of distrust she was getting from the others. She stared back at them for a moment before rolling her eyes, “Relax. Clark and I broke up, I’m on your side, yada yada yada,” she explained dismissively, as though she was inconvenienced by having to explain herself at all.

She turned to Grizz, then, “You and I know the woods, right? No one else will set foot out there. They’re too scared. We can meet there every couple days or whatever and you can pass on what you’ve heard to me, then I can relay it back to the team.”

“What if someone sees you?” Becca asked, leaning over to see Gwen properly past the two boys next to her.

Gwen shrugged simply at that, “We’ll tell them we’re fucking,” She stated bluntly, and Grizz choked on his eggs.

Sam stared at her, daggers in his eyes.

“What?” She frowned, patting Grizz’s back absently while he tried to catch his breath, “It’s the best cover - I used to date _Clark_. It’d make sense that we’d be sneaking around so that he wouldn’t find out about it.”

Gordie tipped his head in begrudgingly surprised approval, “She’s not wrong,” he pointed out, and Gwen beamed proudly.

“Alright. So we’ve got our Plan A,” Becca smiled, blissfully oblivious to the turmoil unfolding next to her.

“Now we just need to figure out how to get you into their ranks,” Gordie murmured, looking at Grizz thoughtfully, and Grizz was convinced that he could actually _see_ the cogs turning inside the dark haired genius’ head.

He gulped. Now that it was all laid out in front of him, practically set in stone, Grizz had to second guess himself and wonder just what the hell he’d gotten himself in to.


	5. The Game

They had decided that the first step to get Grizz in the new leaders’ good graces was to get him back out in to regular town society. Gordie had pointed out that they couldn’t just send Grizz straight into the fire - this would take time. It would look really suspicious if Grizz, who was close with Allie, was suddenly eager to join the ranks of her enemies immediately after returning from the expedition, after he’d been so publicly opposed to the town’s treatment of his friends.

He would need to take this slowly. He would need to distance himself from his new friends and work his way back into the good graces of the guard and then, ideally, they would then vouch for him when he expressed interest in stepping into a role with the _new_ guard.

To say Grizz was nervous would be an understatement. He was terrified and, more than that, he wished he didn’t have to do it. He would never say it aloud, but he hated that he had to isolate himself from the people he’d bonded with and grown to really, genuinely care about.

These people were his friends - his real friends. They were the people that he felt could love him unconditionally. He’d never felt that way about the team - about Clark, or Shoe, or Jason.

There was a reason why he’d never come out to them.

It would be hard, but Grizz had never been one to cower away when things got hard - especially not when his friends needed him. He took care of his own. That was who he was.

He had to do this. He had to do it for Allie, for Will - for everyone.

It was lucky that he hadn’t really unpacked since they’d gotten back from the expedition. He only had to throw a few things back into his bag when he went to prepare to leave the hospital.

There came a knock as he was just putting the last of his belongings back in his pack - so quiet that he almost missed it - and he glanced over his shoulder just as Sam opened the door just the tiniest crack.

Grizz stood upright, “Hey.”

“Can I come in?”

“Yeah, of course,” Grizz nodded, moving to open the door the rest of the way for him, being sure to close it once Sam was inside.

Sam wrung his hands together, and Grizz watch him pace in concern. Something was wrong, that much was clear, but Grizz didn’t want to assume that this was about him, or about him leaving. They’d already talked about that. Sam had been there for the discussion and, though Grizz knew Sam hated the idea, he also knew that Sam was like him - Sam was prepared to do what needed to be done to keep everyone safe.

Sam would never ask Grizz to stay behind. He would never put his own wants ahead of what was best for the many - for the town as a whole. They were the same in that way.

“What’s wrong?” Grizz asked after a moment and, when he realized that Sam hadn’t seen him speak - wasn’t really looking at him - he reached out to grasp his wrist to stop his worried pacing, “ _Hey_ ,” he frowned when Sam finally looked up at him and signed as best as he could, “What’s wrong?”

Sam stared at him for a moment, looking terribly conflicted, before he swallowed and spoke firmly, “Did you sleep with Gwen?”

Grizz’s eyebrows shot up, “Who told you that?”

Sam let out a choked sort of breath - a devastating sound, “You did - you slept with her.”

“No! No, that’s not what I said - I didn’t,” Grizz insisted, shaking his head adamantly, “I didn’t. We didn’t do anything.”

“Todd said she slept in your tent,” Sam pointed out, his expression skeptical - distrusting.

“I mean - yeah, we _slept_ together, but we didn’t _sleep_ together,” Grizz specified lamely.

“What?” Sam frowned.

“She…” Grizz hesitated, unsure how to word his explanation in a way that wouldn’t make Sam resent Gwen, “Okay, she tried. She wanted to, I think - “

Sam’s jaw clenched and his nostrils flared.

“But I told her the truth - I told her I’m gay, and she immediately backed off. Sort of.”

The other man’s face softened immediately in surprise, “You did?” he blinked. Then his frown returned and he licked his lips, that angry fire creeping back into his eyes, “What do you mean ‘sort of’?”

“I mean…” he sighed, “Does it matter?”

“Yes, it matters!” Sam snapped.

“She just, like...made sure I’m not bisexual, or anything. Hundred percent confirmed I’m gay,” He explained, “Nothing happened. We talked, we cuddled a bit, that’s all. Totally platonic.”

“That’s not her place to second guess you when you say you’re gay,” Sam signed haughtily.

Grizz gave him a pleading look of exasperation, “We sorted it all out, Sam, I promise. We’re good. She’s good.”

“She likes you,” Sam murmured.

“We’re friends,” Grizz shrugged, “Look, she’s the first person besides you that I’ve come out to, and she was pretty great about it. We had a good talk about everything. I think you’ll like her, once you get to know her.”

Sam considered him stubbornly, but Grizz could see him caving just the slightest bit, “She was a bitch in high school.”

“Things are different - people change.”

Sam gave a slow nod, “Does she know about…” he gestured between them.

Grizz shook his head, “No,” he muttered quietly, signing the words he knew while they spoke, “I didn’t know what there was to tell. It didn’t come up, and I don’t want to tell someone and have word get out about what happened with us - ”

“Because of Becca?” Sam signed, brow furrowed, “I’m working on it. I’m going to tell her, I promise - I just need some time,” he insisted, hands moving a bit frantically.

Grizz shook his head, “Because of Campbell,” he clarified.

Sam’s frown deepened, “Campbell?”

He nodded, “If he figures out what I’m doing, or how I feel about you, he could use you as leverage - hurt you to get back at me, or control me.”

“So...we won’t see each other at all while you’re out there. While you’re with them,” Sam concluded, not defeated - unimpressed, if anything. Annoyed.

“We can’t risk it,” Grizz murmured apologetically.

This felt a lot like a break up, despite the fact that they’d never really had the chance to become anything in the first place. It certainly put whatever this was on hold, for the time being.

Grizz took Sam’s hands in his, “Look, this’ll give you the time you need to figure out things with Becca. You two can focus on Eden, and I can focus on this, and we’ll just...meet up on the other side. Right?”

At least, he hoped they would.

“I wish you’d talked to me about all of this first,” Sam sighed, “Given me a chance to fight for you - for us. You just made up your mind that we would have to be apart to deal with everything. We might have been able to do it _together_ , you know.”

“I didn’t want to drag you into it,” Grizz reasoned quietly. Was he right? Could there have been a way to do this that didn’t mean giving up his chance at a real relationship?

“I’m already in it, Grizz,” Sam signed furiously, “And I want to be in it _with you_ but you won’t let me!”  
“You have a baby, Sam!” Grizz reminded him, “This isn’t just about you, or us, it’s about your family, too. You have to be there for them. If I - “ He paused, steeling himself for a moment, “If I die, it’s just me - “

Sam immediately opened his mouth to object to that statement, but Grizz held up a hand to stop him.

“Let me finish,” he scolded gently, “Risking _your_ life is different than mine, because it isn’t just about you, or me. You have a _daughter_ who needs her dad, okay? I’m not going to risk taking you away from her, and I don’t think you want to do that either.”

Sam was silent, his hands still as his eyes welled with tears. He shook his head in dismay, “You just got back…” he breathed brokenly, “Now it feels like we’re saying goodbye again.”

“It’s not goodbye,” Grizz promised, “We’re just...hitting pause,” he smiled.

Sam let out a groan and reached to grasp the lapels of Grizz’s coat, tugging him in and pressing his lips against his. Grizz was surprised for a moment before he melted into the kiss, lips curling into a smile against Sam’s, because he must’ve forgotten for a second there just how _good_ this felt.

Kissing Sam felt so different from anyone else Grizz had ever kissed. Kissing Sam felt _right_ , like he was always meant to be kissing him and only him. He’d thought about it for years when he’d been hiding himself away, admiring him from afar, wondering what it would be like if Sam smiled at him the way he smiled when Becca made a snide comment - with such unabashed, fond approval that Grizz had never known.

Grizz had almost forgotten that the reality of being kissed by Sam was better than anything he’d ever imagined.

He watched as Sam pulled away, licking his lips before he looked up at Grizz with fierce certainty, “I’m gonna bring back here as soon as I can, okay?”

“Okay,” Grizz breathed, almost relieved that Sam would be there with Gordie and Bean and Kelly, fighting for him and working to come up with a plan to fix what Grizz’s teammates had done to their town.

Fighting so that they could finally breathe again and have a chance to explore what they could be together, to each other.

“I really like you,” Grizz blurted, recalling that day before the expedition when Sam had expressed similar sentiments, in a moment like this that also felt a lot like goodbye.

Sam grinned, reaching up to tuck a stray hair back off Grizz’s forehead, “You better.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was weird, going home. Ever since he’d been dropped off in New Ham, Grizz had been around other people. He’d stayed with one of the guys, or with Allie - there was always someone around, or he always had somewhere else to be.

Returning to an empty home, knowing that all of his friends were so close, yet impossibly far away, was a disheartening feeling. He was prepared to face the time it would take for the guard to trust him again, but it didn’t make the time alone any easier to bear.

It was lucky, at least, that he had the rest of the expedition group to socialize with. Aside from Bean, none of them were openly affiliated strongly with Allie and her camp. He was okay to see and talk to them, so long as they kept their conversations free of politics.

For the times when he was alone, Grizz occupied himself by working in the gardens. It was something he’d started doing even before everything went to shit, and he had yet to be given any reason not to continue. He enjoyed doing it - he found the labour to be a peaceful, welcome distraction.

It was there that Luke found him, roughly a week after Grizz had separated himself from the budding resistance.

“Hey,” Luke called, stuffing his hand in his pockets as he approached.

Grizz glanced up at him, “Hey,” he called back, brushing soil off of his hands while he rose to his full height, “What’s up?”

Luke shrugged, “Just been seeing you around. Thought I’d check in - see how you’re holding up.”

Grizz pursed his lips thoughtfully, “It’s been weird,” he began, squinting into the sun, “But, like...it doesn’t feel all that different yet,” he lied, “I know it is - or it will be. There’s some stuff that feels a bit off, but I expected everything to just...go up in flames,” he chuckled.

Luke offered a smile at that, “Yeah, so did I.”

Grizz wanted to ask why he’d gone along with it, then, if he’d been so worried about the consequences, but he knew he couldn’t. He needed to be on Luke’s side. He needed to earn his trust, “Guess we were worried for nothing,” he said instead.

The pair stood in awkward silence for a moment, and Grizz peered around, debating just returning to his work, “Was there something you needed, or…?” he prompted.

“No, no - I just, y’know...thought I’d come by and check on you. Make sure we’re cool. I know you were pretty upset about Allie, and everything,” Luke ventured, watching Grizz closely - likely to gauge his reaction.

Grizz was careful to keep his expression neutral as he shrugged, “I just never would’ve expected it from her, y’know?” he sighed, “It blindsided me, and I lashed out - I’m sorry about that.”

“Nah, man - it’s all good. You don’t need to apologize. We were all surprised,” Luke assured him.

“Yeah…”

Another pause, and then:

“Listen, the guys and I were thinking about going to the school and throwing the ball around a bit later, if you wanna come,” Luke blurted hopefully.

“Really?” Grizz smiled hopefully, and it was only half faked. He missed Luke, even if he knew he shouldn’t, “The others won’t mind me being there…? We kinda didn’t leave stuff off on a good note,” he recalled, his smile falling.

_That_ was for show. He didn’t care what those assholes thought of him - not anymore.

“They’ll be fine,” Luke promised stubbornly, “They just gotta see that we’re all good and they’ll come around. It’s weird not having you with us, Grizz.”

“Yeah…” He agreed, pretending to mull over Luke’s invitation for a moment of two before he nodded, “Yeah, okay. I’m in.”

“Yeah?” Luke beamed - a real, genuine smile. The first Grizz had seen from him since he’d been back, and he felt a pang of guilt for manipulating him, “Awesome. We’re gonna meet at four, if that’s cool?”

“Works for me,” Grizz confirmed with a nod, returning his smile in kind.

“Sweet. I’ll, uh...see you later then.”

“You bet.”

Grizz waited a bit after Luke left before he, too, headed home. He wanted to keep track of what happened - to keep a timeline of events so that he could record information to pass along easily to Gwen and the others. He worried that he would forget something if he just tried to relay it from memory.

So, he had decided that he would write letters. Once he got home, he quickly took the stairs two at a time to write down that he was going to hang out with the guard - what happened next, he’d have to fill in later, but he made sure to include that Luke had approached him and invited him of his own accord. It seemed important, in his opinion, to note that Grizz hadn’t had to be the one to make the first move, because it meant that, already, Luke _wanted_ to trust him and include him.

Tentatively, this meant that Grizz had his foot in the door.

If things went well tonight, he would be part of Harry and Lexie’s guard in no time.

He made sure to include all of those observations in his notes before he tucked them away in a shoe box that he stuffed onto the shelf in his closet.

Four o’clock came quickly, and Grizz walked onto the pitch at four-o-five.

“You’re late, asshole,” Clark called, punctuating his words with a slap to the side of the ball before he bent to pick up a drink off of the ground beside him.

“Barely,” Luke rolled his eyes, glaring at his ex-teammate.

“Sorry - I fell asleep. Lost track of time,” Grizz lied, peering around at Clark, Jason, and Shoe. They all had a beer in hand, and there were already empties littering the edge of the field, “How’s it goin’, guys?” he greeted tentatively.

“No complaints here,” Jason beamed, peering around at the others and nudging Clark with his elbow, “Right boys?”

Shoe and Clark laughed, voicing their agreement gleefully. Luke was silent.

“C’mon, Luke - quit being a pussy,” Clark scolded, swatting him on the arm before he looked at Grizz, “Things are fucking awesome, dude - we got our shit back, no curfews, no more bullshit rules. We do what we want, when we want. You picked the wrong side, bro.”

“Yeah, so I’ve heard,” Grizz murmured, blood boiling.

“You reconsidering?” Jason asked, looking Grizz over skeptically.

“Thinking about it,” Grizz allowed, not wanting to seem overly eager to jump ship. That would be too suspicious, given how loyal he’d been Allie, “S’not looking so great from Allie’s side. I heard about what she did. It’s fucked up.“

“Yeah it is,” Clark agreed, holding up his drink in a silent, mock toast.

“Are we gonna play or what?” Luke interrupted, clearly not wanting to get into New Ham’s politics.

“Yeah,” Jason decided, “Let’s scrimmage - see if the big guy’s still got it. Maybe we’ll consider cutting you a break if you can pull your weight,” he teased, but there was an edge to his words that made Grizz question whether or not he was entirely joking, “Luke - you get Grizz. Clark, you’re with me. Shoe…” he glanced at the odd man out, “Referee.”

“Seriously?!” Shoe groaned in protest.

“Yes! C’mon, boys, let’s do this - just like old times,” Jason grinned. He finished off his drink before he tossed the empty bottle aside, rubbing his hands together in excitement.

Shoe sighed, setting his drink on the bench nearby and reaching into his pocket and pulling out a coin, “Heads: Luke and Grizz take the ball, tails - Clark and Jason,” he called before flipping it into the air. He caught it and flipped it onto the back of his hand, “Heads. You’re up,” He tossed the ball to Luke, and the game was on.

For the first little while, everything went smoothly. The guys were laughing, joking around, and playfully ribbing and beaking each other. It _was_ like old times, back before everything had gotten so thoroughly fucked up.

For that first bit of the game, it was real, for Grizz. He wasn’t pretending to have a good time with the guys to get on their good side - he _genuinely was_ enjoying playing.

The more the boys drank, however, the sloppier and rougher the hits became. Grizz and Luke, for their part, hadn’t had much - one or two each, tops.

Clark and Jason, on the other hand, were pretty wasted. Wasted, fired up, and competitive as hell. Jason, in particular, was getting louder and angrier with every fumble, every little mistake.

They should’ve stopped then, but Jason kept insisting that they would play to 30, to 40 - 50.

So, they played on.

Luke and Grizz had the ball, and Luke laid out a play. It was executed perfectly, but when Grizz spun past Clark, he was blindsided by Jason before the ball had even left Luke’s hand.

“Jason, what the fuck, man?!” Grizz heard Luke yell as the boys all crowded around where he lay, trying to catch his breath after having the wind knocked out of him.

His wrist was absolutely throbbing, and he’d known when he went down that he’d landed on it funny. It was tingling and hot and he could already feel his fingers becoming stiff and swollen. He clutched the arm gingerly to his chest while he sat up, “M’alright,” he insisted, not wanting to cause tension in the group - that was the opposite of what he wanted.

“Shit, bro - I didn’t mean to,” Jason gawked, reaching down to help Grizz to his feet, “You alright? Is it broken?”

Grizz shook his head, “I’m sure it’s fine - “

“We should get it checked out - just to be sure,” Luke decided, looking at the others, “Can Kelly do that? Or Gordie?”

“Hell if I know - call her,” Clark shrugged.

Luke pulled out his phone, stepping away from the group to make the call.

“Grizz, man, seriously - I dunno what happened, bro, I didn’t mean to hit you like that,” Jason insisted emphatically, “I swear.”

“I know - it’s alright,” Grizz assured him, realizing that, in fact, this injury might just have been a blessing in disguise, if the way the others were reacting to it was anything to go off of.

Luke returned to the group, “Kelly said they’ll meet us at the hospital,” he called, “Gordie’s gonna x-ray it.”

“The hospital? I don’t think - “ Grizz protested, only to be cut off by Clark.

“Too bad, tough guy. Let’s go getcha fixed up,” He beamed, patting Grizz on the back gruffly.

The boys headed off the field, piling into the SUV the guard had been using. Grizz glanced at Luke when he slid behind the wheel, “Are you sure you’re good to drive…?” he checked, unsure how much Luke had had to drink.

“Yeah - I didn’t even finish one,” Luke assured him, keeping his voice low so that the rowdier boys in the back didn’t hear that Luke had been pretty much dry the entire time.

The drive to the hospital wasn’t very long - it was a small town, and there was absolutely no traffic, so, Luke could, more or less, go as fast as he wanted without concern for the usual rules of the road.

Luke parked right outside the front doors, and the boys all clambered out of the vehicle to head inside.

“You guys don’t have to come with me - it’s fine. Really,” Grizz assured them, a bit worried that they would see the group hanging around there and get suspicious.

He hoped that Kelly and Gordie had warned the others that they were coming.

“Nuh-uh - I did this, I’m seeing it through,” Jason insisted stubbornly, hiccuping.

Grizz supposed that, just maybe, they were drunk enough that they wouldn’t care even if they did see something off.

When they stepped through the doors, Kelly and Gordie were waiting by the triage desk.

Sam was with them.

From the look on Sam’s face, Grizz concluded that the other two must have told everyone that they were coming and that Grizz was injured. No one else was around, and it was too big of a coincidence to think that Sam would just so happen to be waiting there when Grizz arrived.

He looked pissed.

Grizz couldn’t say he blamed him - this looked bad.

“What’d you idiots do?” Kelly sighed, approaching the group and holding out her hand in a silent prompt for Grizz to show her his arm.

He shrugged off his coat with a wince when it jostled his wrist while Jason explained that it had been an accident. The others vouched for him - even Luke.

“He just caught me off guard,” Grizz confirmed, ensuring that Sam was able to see him say so. He wanted to be sure that he knew this hadn’t been any sort of deliberate attack, or anything like that. He didn’t want him to worry any more than he already would, “I fell on it weird, that’s all.”

Kelly and Gordie each took a turn examining his wrist, instructing Grizz to move it this way and that as best as he could while Sam watched closely.

Jason gave Sam a funny look, “What’re you doing here?”

Sam moved to answer, but Kelly beat him to it, “He wants to learn,” she explained quickly, “We need all the help we can get around here - just in case,” she smiled.

“Good call,” Clark nodded.

Gordie gave a thoughtful hum, “It’s pretty swollen,” he mused, “Let’s take an x-ray and see if we can see anything. I...don’t really know how to make a cast, so, we’ll have to make due with a splint or something if it’s broken,” he explained apologetically.

Grizz nodded and looked to the group of guards who had brought him, “I’ll be right back. Up to you if you wanna wait.”

“We’ll wait,” Luke assured him.

“We gotchu, man,” Clark agreed.

With that, Grizz let the trio of pseudo-doctors lead him down the hall and around the corner to where the x-ray suite was located.

“It _was_ an accident, right?” Kelly checked quietly once they were out of earshot.

“Yeah. He was drunk and just got caught up in the game,” Grizz confirmed.

“Idiot,” Sam muttered beside him.

They took a couple x-rays, and Grizz waited patiently while Gordie and Kelly did their best to interpret the images. Sam sat with him silently, and Grizz just appreciated having him close.

“Well, nothing’s obviously out of place,” Gordie revealed when they returned, “There looks like there might be a small fracture, but, I mean...I’m not a doctor. So, we’ll splint it for a few weeks, see how it’s looking and feeling. If it’s gotta stay on longer, we’ll leave it longer. It’s not perfect, but it’s the best we’ve got, unfortunately.”

“And it gives you an excuse to come back in a few weeks. You can give us an update,” Kelly pointed out.

“Sounds good,” Grizz smiled, “Thanks, guys.”

Gordie and Kelly stepped out of the room to gather what they needed to set Grizz’s wrist, leaving Grizz and Sam alone. Sam took Grizz’s good hand and held it silently for a few moments, running his thumb soothingly over the larger hand in his. Grizz sighed, leaning his head on Sam’s shoulder, closing his eyes and just enjoying the brief moment of peace.

The pair separated when they heard footsteps coming back down the hall and, just like that, the peaceful spell was broken.

Gordie carefully set Grizz’s wrist as best as he could and sent him back out to rejoin the guard. They walked him back to the front where all four of his teammates were still waiting for him.

It was sort of touching.

“All good?” Clark asked at the same time Jason said, “Awe, fuck, I broke it, didn’t I?”

“It’s just a precaution,” Gordie assured him, “He’ll live.”

“Thanks, Doc,” Clark chirped, “Let’s roll,” he declared, turning to head back out toward the SUV. Shoe and Jason followed close behind, Luke and Grizz only a few seconds behind with Grizz bringing up the rear.

“Be careful,” Sam signed subtly as Grizz passed.

Grizz gave the small nod in acknowledgement before he passed through the hospital doors and climbed back into the passenger side of Luke’s SUV. He watched as the hospital faded in the rearview mirror as the guard headed back into the heart of New Ham.


	6. The Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had some trouble with this one, team. she just wasn't cooperating, so, i apologize if it's not quite up to snuff! <333 thank you guys so much for all your wonderful comments. i appreciate the feedback so much!

The guys came around more often after that day.

Luke especially. He even started help out in gardens now and then, when he could get away from guard duties for a little while, and Grizz started to think that maybe Luke needed the peace of mind the labour of maintaining the garden provided more than he did.

Grizz was worried about Luke. There was a dullness to him know that Grizz had never seen before. Even when things got bad, Luke had _life_ in him - Luke believed in fighting, in perseverance.

Now he just seemed...defeated.

Grizz wanted to get to Allie and Will, to get to the bottom of what had really happened and free them, but now he also wanted to figure out what Campbell and his cronies had done to his friend, because this wasn’t him. He clearly wasn’t happy with how things were - not like the others, who were thrilled with the new world order and their new found freedom.

Mostly, Grizz and Luke stuck together. They worked together in the gardens when Luke wasn’t working with the guard, and they hung out at Luke’s on nights when Grizz was feeling lonely, cooped up in his own place without the people he’d grown closest to.

Helena was suspicious of him at first. Her guard was up (understandably so, given the last time they’d seen each other) but, after some time, she started smiling at him when he came by and, eventually, she started making a plate for him at their dinner table.

She grew to trust him and his intentions. Honestly, Grizz was pretty sure that she was just relieved that Luke was hanging out with someone other than Clark, Jason, or Harry.

As the days and weeks passed, Grizz started noticing the way New Ham was changing. Garbage sat on the sidewalks for days on end, the town started to smell - people walked down the streets openly carrying various weapons, with carts filled to the brim with food to hoard, rations be damned. The rules were slipping, people didn’t care anymore.

They had been lulled into a false sense of security - by Harry, by Lexie. By the promise of land to farm and a brighter future.

They’d forgotten that they had to work for that future - that they needed to be smart, and responsible.

Things were falling apart. Slowly, but surely, the town was crumbling.

It was hard to ignore it, but Grizz had to keep his head down - pretend like he was okay with it. When Clark and Jason came around, he had to do more than that: he had to _like it_. He had to participate. He had to cruise around and ransack stores for booze and snacks. He had to go along with whatever they wanted.

On this particular night, thankfully, Jason just wanted to hang out at his place, drink, and play videogames. On nights like these, it was almost easy to ignore they way things were - the way everything was slowly spiralling out of control.

It was this night, however, that Harry came knocking, a six pack in hand.

“Hey - what’s up, man?” Jason greeted brightly when he opened the door to let the now-mayor inside.

“Not much,” Harry smiled, “Business as usual.”

Grizz looked up from the game, surprised.

“Hope it’s cool that I invited the boss,” Jason chuckled, hopping back over the couch to sit next to Clark.

As soon as he saw Grizz sitting in the armchair, Harry slowed - hesitated, “Grizz,” he greeted with a nod, “Good to see you.”

“Yeah. You too,” Grizz murmured in return.

Clark rolled his eyes, “Chillax, bro - Grizz is cool.”

“Is he?”

The skeptical voice came from just down the hall, and all 5 of the men turned to see Campbell’s smug smile.

Jason shot Harry a look, and Harry at least had the decency to look embarrassed, “He wanted to come,” he offered lamely but, judging by the way Campbell hovered, and Harry cowered, Grizz got the impression that Harry wasn’t allowed to do much without Campbell present.

Every time Grizz had caught a glimpse of Harry, or Lexie, Campbell was always somewhere nearby.

Kelly was right. Campbell was obviously the one pulling the strings.

“Figured I could use a night out,” Campbell beamed, making himself comfortable in the rocking chair opposite where Grizz sat, a mere coffee table between them, “Had a change of heart, Visser?” he challenged, his smile still fixed firmly in place, but his eyes were cold - untrusting.

Grizz held his gaze and nodded, “Luke told me what Allie did. It’s pretty fucked up.”

“Yeah, well,” Campbell shrugged, “You see how we couldn’t let that fly. For honesty’s sake, of course - the good of the town and all.”

“Totally,” Grizz agreed.

Campbell was a lot of things, but Grizz knew better than to think that he was stupid. The scariest thing about him was that he was smart - he was sharp and manipulative. He was nearly impossible to read. Grizz had to keep his guard up around him because, even if it maybe seemed like he had the upper hand, like he was succeeding in fooling him, it was entirely possible that Campbell was playing Grizz just as much as Grizz was playing him.

It was a dangerous game, a battle of minds, and outsmarting Campbell was going to be the hardest part of this whole plan.

“Actually, y’know, they Mayors and I were talking,” Campbell began suddenly, casually - the rapid change in his demeanor nearly giving Grizz whiplash, “We wanna see this farmland you found. We gotta map out a building plan - figure out what we’re gonna do with it, how we want to expand the town. You up to play nature guide again?”

Grizz held up his still splinted wrist, “Once this heals, yeah. Definitely.”

He was supposed to go back to have it checked out that weekend.

He’d met up with Gwen a few times, as planned, but he hadn’t really had much to report yet. He’d confirmed what Kelly already suspected about Campbell, let them know that he was in with the guard, but, aside from that, he hadn’t made much progress.

Until now.

This was his chance to get into Campbell’s good books. If he did this with him, surely Campbell would have to trust him, at least to a certain extent. Being the go-to guy for their future, their survival, made him valuable.

But he wanted to talk to the rest of the team first. He wanted to get their opinion on it, and see how they wanted to proceed from here.

“Don’t need an arm to walk, do ya?” Campbell countered.

“What’s the rush?” Grizz challenged in return.

There was a tense moment before Campbell beamed at him in approval, “Touche,” he nodded, “Keep us posted.”

“You got it,” Grizz agreed, reaching for a controller to take his turn in the game, appearing as calm and unbothered as he could while his heart pounded in his chest.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You can’t go into the woods with Campbell - what if this is, like...an Old Yeller situation?” Gwen protested, leaning forward from where she sat on the exam table while Gordie re-examined Grizz’s wrist.

Sam nodded in agreement, “Could be a trap.”

Grizz shook his head, “You guys weren’t there - you didn’t see his face. Why would he wanna shoot me? He needs me - they need me to get this all going. No one knows the woods like I do, right? Or how to farm or how to survive out there. I do. Campbell knows that - he’s not gonna shoot me,” Grizz glanced at Sam, “He’s too smart for that.”

Sam considered this. Grizz knew that he was right - Sam clearly knew it too, “Take me with you,” he said and signed finally.

“What? Why?” Gwen asked at the same time Grizz blurted an immediate, “No way.”

“The first time you went out there, someone died. Gordie’s been teaching me some things - first aid. I can be useful,” Sam argued, “You need someone with you who’s on your side in case things go south.”

Grizz looked at Gordie to get his opinion. He’d been suspiciously silent thus far. Gordie glanced up at him and sighed, “I don’t think they intend to hurt you - they’ve got no reason to suspect anything. And you’re right: Campbell’s smarter than that,” he agreed, glancing at the others, “But I think Sam’s right, too. I don’t think it’s a bad idea to take one of us with you. Just to even out the playing field.”  
“You don’t think he’ll ask questions when Sam asks to join in?” Grizz countered, looking between the three of them, “What about Becca? And Eden?”

“They’re going home today - Kelly’s gonna stay with then for a while. They’ll be in good hands,” Gordie assured him, “Besides, it’s not like you’ll be gone long.”

“You didn’t answer my first question.”

Gordie sighed, looking at Sam and signing to him, “When they hold a town meeting to announce the second expedition, you’ll volunteer. Say you want to be more useful, or something - something convincing.”

Sam nodded, jaw clenched stubbornly as he pointedly avoided Grizz’s glare.

“It needs to look like your idea, and they get the final say. If they nix the idea, drop it - Grizz can handle himself.”

“You got it, boss,” Sam replied with a pleased grin. He finally looked Grizz’s direction, and he sighed upon seeing the look of displeasure on his face, signing while he spoke, “It’ll be fine. I’ve be dealing with Campbell my whole life - I’ve got this. You’re not going out there on your own with them. Not if we can help it.”

Grizz jaw clenched, but he didn’t say anything more. He knew he was only opposed to the idea because it put Sam in harm’s way - otherwise, he agreed that it was smarter to even out their numbers, just in case.

He just didn’t like that it was _Sam_.

The same way that Sam didn’t like that their mole was Grizz.

They were both being selfish.

Gwen looked between Grizz and Sam, an odd look on her face. She caught Grizz’s eye and quirked an eyebrow, giving him a knowing smirk.

When Grizz looked back to Sam, Sam was looking past him, the colour having drained from his face.

“What happened to keeping our heads down and raising _our baby_ , Sam?”

Grizz’s heart stopped in his chest, and he turned slowly to see a furious looking Becca standing in the doorway to the exam room, Kelly over her shoulder, clutching Eden to her chest.

How long had they been there? What all had they heard?

“I can explain - “ Sam insisted, signing hurriedly.

Becca shook her head, “No. Fuck you,” she spat, turning and storming off. Kelly gave an apologetic look of confusion before she followed.

Sam moved to go after her, hesitating and looking to Grizz for...permission? Understanding?

“ _Go,_ ” Grizz insisted, “We’re good here. Right?” he looked to Gordie.

“Yeah, he’s good.”

Grizz watched as Sam hurried after Becca, then sighed, “Am I good to go?” he asked.

Gordie nodded, “Yeah, I mean...as long as it’s not hurting you or anything, I think it looks pretty good,” he confirmed, “Plus, the sooner you go on this little jaunt with Campbell and Harry, the sooner they take you to Allie and Will, and we can’t waste any more time.”

Grizz nodded, “Agreed.”

Gordie packed up his things, “I’ll see you guys are dinner?” he checked, looking to Gwen.

“You bet,” she confirmed brightly.

With that, Gordie took his leave, leaving Grizz and Gwen alone. Gwen stared expectantly at him while he shrugged his coat back on, “You wanna tell me something?” she prompted.

“Nope,” he told her flatly.

“Nothing?”

“It’s none of your business,” he pointed out.

Gwen laughed at that, “Oh my God - it’s not that big of a deal, Grizz. C’mon. I need this!”

“What does that mean?”

“It _means_ that all anyone ever wants to talk about is Campbell, or Lexie, or the end of the fucking world. So, yeah, Grizz, I wanna talk about the semi you’re sporting for Sam!”

Grizz glanced down at his lap in alarm.

“I…” Gwen snorted, shaking her head, “It’s a figure of speech, but my point exactly,” she laughed.

Grizz sighed, running his fingers through his hair, “There’s nothing to tell,” he told her sadly.

“Well, _that’s_ obviously not true,” she scoffed, “How long have you two been a thing?”

“We haven’t,” he shrugged, “I mean...we would’ve been, I think, but then, y’know...he had a baby.”

“Yeah, but he not with Becca - he’s gay!”

“That’s not the point. She doesn’t even know about us - he never told her about me. He full on _lied_ to her about me. I - “ he stopped, shaking his head, “Things are just really complicated right now. We haven’t had a chance to figure anything out,” he finished, voice quiet.

“You should,” she murmured in sympathy, “Life’s short, Grizz - especially here. You should figure it out.”  
“Maybe,” he murmured, sniffing, “We’ll see what happens, I guess.”

Gwen pursed her lips, “So...have you guys…?” she trailed off, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

“Oh my God - I’m not having this conversation with you.”

“Pleeeease!” Gwen groaned dramatically, “Grizz, I neeeeed this!”

“Why?! Why do you need to know? This is weird - it’s weird. You’re being weird.”

Gwen pouted, “Girls talk about this stuff,” she grumbled, “I just miss it, is all. It’s been a while since I’ve had a friend hook up with someone, y’know? It’s _exciting_.”

Grizz chewed his lip for a moment before he sighed in defeat, moving to hoist himself up to sit next to her on the exam table, “Alright. We...yeah. Once.”

Gwen lit up, “Was it good? Was it, like...your first time with a dude?”

He nodded.

“Love that for you,” she teased, nudging him with her shoulder, “And?”

“And...it was nice?” He offered, looking to her for approval.

She stared back at him, “You’re bad at this,” she deadpanned, “Was it romantic? Did you kiss him first or did he kiss you? I need details, Gareth, _details_.”

Grizz licked his lips, “Y’know, I’m not sure he liked me much, at first,” he admitted with a chuckle, “Maybe he didn’t. I kept trying to talk to him and I just made, like, every possible mistake,” he mused, smiling while he reminisced, and Gwen smiled with him.

“That probably worked in your favour, y’know,” she pointed out softly, “It’s cute when guys get all flustered over you. He probably liked it.”

Grizz smiled, “Yeah, maybe. We just...hung out, and talked - like, for hours and hours. We talked about everything, and then there was just this moment…” he swallowed. He could remember it so clearly, “I was fucking terrified,” he murmured quietly, “I’d never come out to anyone before, and here was this guy that I’d avoided for years because, y’know, I _knew_ he would be a problem for me, y’know?”

Gwen nodded, resting her chin on his shoulder, listening intently.

“I was so scared that he was gonna shoot me down,” he murmured, remembering how intense that moment had been. He’d been able to hear his heart pounding in his ears, his eyes had welled with tears brought on by an overwhelming emotion that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Had it been fear? Relief? Hope?

Maybe it had been all three. Relief that maybe he’d finally found something he’d been afraid he’d never have, hope that maybe Sam felt the same way he did, and fear that, perhaps, he didn’t.

“But then you kissed him,” Gwen breathed, enthralled.

Grizz shook his head, “I asked him to kiss me,” he smiled, “And then one thing led to another...”

“Fade to black,” she murmured with a grin.

He laughed, nodding, “Yeah…”

“That’s…” Gwen shook her head in awe, “Fucking _beautiful_ , Jesus Christ. I’m gonna cry.”

He laughed, flushing, “And then Becca went into labour, I found out he was having a baby, we had a fight, then I left on the expedition, and everything went to hell in a handbasket,” he sighed.

Gwen frowned, sitting upright again, “But he clearly cares about you. He’s sticking his neck out to protect you - you don’t think that’s worth fighting for?”

“Sure I do, but if he’s not ready to figure things out with Becca, what am I supposed to say? _’Leave your family for me’_?”

“Why does it have to be one or the other?”

“He didn’t tell her about us,” He reminded her, “After that night, when she went into labour, I went to the hospital to see everyone. That’s how I found out she was pregnant, and she said that he’d told her that he just _slept through Thanksgiving._ ”

He glanced at her sadly, “Why would he lie about that? About me?”

Gwen’s eyes softened sympathetically, “I don’t know.”

Footsteps came down the hall, then, and both Gwen and Grizz looked toward the door as Sam reappeared.

Grizz sat up straighter, “Hey - everything okay? Did you talk to Becca?”

Gwen eyed Sam carefully, like he was some sort of puzzle she was trying to solve, “Yeah, Sam. What’d you tell her?” She pressed venomously, and Grizz kicked her foot with his.

Sam frowned, confused by Gwen’s hostility, “She’s pissed. I didn’t really want to get in to everything in front of Kelly, though, so...” he trailed off, and Grizz realized that everything meant _everything_.

“Oh,” Grizz murmured, unsure what else to say to that.

“I’ll talk to her at home later. Explain everything,” He promised.

“Or you could just stay behind here and patch things up while I go deal with this Campbell thing,” Grizz suggested hopefully.

Sam gave him a fond, but unimpressed, look, “Nice try.”

Gwen groaned beside him and hopped off the table, “Ugh, you guys are cute - I hate you,” she grumbled, brushing past Sam to leave. She paused next to him, patting him on the shoulder, “You better talk to your girlfriend quick. He’s a catch - if you’re not careful, someone’s gonna snatch him right out from under you while you’re off playing house,” she advised, offering a wry smile before she headed out into the hall.

Sam blinked, turning back to Grizz and gesturing in the general direction Gwen had gone, “Did you tell her? About us?”

“Yep. That might’ve been a mistake on my part,” Grizz apologized, making a mental note to call Gwen off.

“Oh,” Sam pursed his lips, leaning back to glance down the hall after Gwen. When he looked back at Grizz, he was grinning.

“What?” Grizz laughed, tentatively.

Sam gave a little, playful shrug, “She’s growing on me.”


	7. The Truth

Grizz texted Campbell that night, once he was home, to let him know that he’d been given the okay to go on the expedition.

The reply was instantaneous.

_Fabulous._

Grizz stared at his phone, waiting for more than that - a timeframe, a departure date, an instruction of any kind.

Nothing.

Grizz sighed and tossed the phone aside. He tucked his arm behind his head and laid back, staring up at the ceiling through the dark cover of night. He couldn’t help but feel like this was taking too long.

He hadn’t gotten any updates on Allie or Will. None of the guys were offering up information, and Grizz hadn’t wanted to ask, lest it give away his true intentions.

He was worried - worried about what they’d done with them, or what sort of condition he would find them in once he got there. He didn’t know how he would free them, or what the plan would be once he had a location, but he just knew that he needed to get them out.

But then where would they go once they were free? They couldn’t leave town. There was nowhere to really hide.

Nowhere except, perhaps, the woods.

But if Grizz showed Campbell and Harry where the land was, then where could they run to? What were the odds that there was more land hidden somewhere out there, just waiting to be discovered.

Even if there was, he’d never find it before winter.

So...what were they supposed to do?

Grizz laid awake for a long time trying to come up with an answer and, when he did fall asleep, it was a restless one, plagued with nightmarish visions of death, destruction, and fire.

The next morning, Harry and Lexie called a town meeting.

Grizz walked into the church with Helena, his eyes instinctively looking for Sam amongst the crowd as they walked through the pews to sit near the front with Campbell and Shoe while Luke, Clark, and Jason flanked Harry and Lexie.

Sam sat near the middle - just a few rows behind Grizz, hidden amongst the crowd, with Becca, Eden, Kelly, and Gordie.

He offered Grizz a supportive smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, and Grizz swallowed before turning to face forward, not wanting to look for too long, lest someone notice.

When he turned back around, Campbell was watching him closely, “You ready to get back out there, champ?” He chirped, clapping him on the shoulder in a manner that was far too familiar for Grizz’s liking.

He didn’t hesitate before he shrugged Campbell’s hand off gruffly, “I’m just trying to do my part to make sure we survive,” he muttered, glaring at the other man pointedly, “That doesn’t make us friends.”

Campbell grinned at him, “Whatever you say, man,” he chuckled, reached out to pat Grizz on the cheek condescendingly before he sat back, his arm draped across the back of the pew, one ankle resting across his knee.

Grizz’s jaw tightened in restraint, his blood boiling.

“What are you doing - sit _down_ , Sam,” Grizz heard Becca hiss from behind him, and Grizz’s hands clenched into fists as he fought the urge to turn around and interfere himself.

Campbell, however, _did_ move to turn to see what the commotion was about.

“When are we leaving?” Grizz blurted.

It worked. Campbell stopped and turned his attention back to Grizz. He quirked an eyebrow.

“So I can get everything together,” Grizz added for further explanation, “I need to pack supplies and food - I’ll need to know how long we’re going to be gone, too.”

Campbell considered him for a moment, a look of intrigue crossing his features, “Well, what did you think this meeting was about?”

Grizz frowned, “Allie and Will,” he stated bluntly, and it was only half true. He knew that the expedition would come up, but he didn’t think it would require a meeting of its own. They knew _nothing_ about what was going to happen to Allie and Will - eventually, people were going to start questioning them.

Campbell beamed at that, “What about ‘em?”

Grizz stared at the boy next to him, at his utter lack of caring, his complete nonchalance, and he couldn’t believe that he was cut from the same cloth as Sam, “People are going to want answers - a solution,” Grizz pressed, “Things got out of hand after Dewey was convicted. The same thing’s gonna happen here.”

“Are you suggesting we execute them?”

“ _What?_ No! I - “

Campbell laughed, then, as Lexie stepped forward to speak, “Alright. Let’s get started,” She called, loud enough to be heard over the crowd. She waited for everyone to quiet down before she spoke again, “Thank you all for coming…”

As she continued with her mayoral address, it became abundantly clear, to Grizz at least, that Lexie was nervous - which was strange for her, given the sheer bravado she’d shown during her campaign. Now, she seemed unsure of herself, and of every word she said, even though she said it with a thin veil of conviction that fooled many of the people listening.

She stated that they were in the process to making changes to Allie’s rules, and Allie’s way of life, but she was vague as to what those changes would be. She said that they were finalizing a new plan for job postings and shifts, but, again, didn’t have much to say in regards to what that plan would look like.

Somehow, Lexie said a lot, but revealed next to nothing.

Harry, of course, said nothing at all. He barely even looked up from his own feet.

It was infuriating.

“What about Allie and Will?” Someone yelled.

Lexie shifted, “We’re holding them somewhere secure. They’re safe and comfortable, I promise you. We - “

“You can’t just keep them locked up forever,” Kelly called, her voice filled with rage.

“We will set a date for a trial in the near future,” Lexie insisted, trying to regain the attention of the crowd as a hum of whispered conversation spread through the church.

Grizz glanced at Campbell. He was staring ahead, his face stony and pointed. He was staring right at Lexie, and she kept glancing at him while she tried to get everything back under control.

Harry finally looked up and sighed, looking to Campbell before he stepped forward, “In the meantime, Grizz has agreed to take me to scope out the land he found on the last expedition,” he called, and the crowd quieted down in interest, “I know you all want answers, but we have to prepare for what’s to come. We have work to do, alright? Allie understands that our survival comes first. You should too.”

Whether or not his words were true, whether he’d actually spoken to Allie, wasn’t clear, but he wasn’t wrong. Allie was good - she was a real leader, in Grizz’s opinion. She understood what needed to be done to survive, and she would gladly prioritise their survival over her own freedom.

She’d been doing it for months, really. Leading in itself was its own sort of prison.

People were distracted by the announcement of another expedition, and Grizz supposed that that had been the point of having Harry step in to announce it just as things were getting away from Lexie. They had questions - who would go, how long would they be gone, _was it safe_?

Lexie stepped back in at that last question, “We don’t know, but we don’t want to keep asking others to risk their lives while we sit in the safety of our homes,” she spoke with more conviction now - this was what she was good at. Making Allie look bad to make them look good, “That ends now. It’s time for leaders of this town to get their hands dirty, too.”

Heads nodded in agreement, a few people cheered at that, and Grizz shook his head ever so slightly.

They were so full of shit.

The meeting wrapped up soon after that, and they had somehow managed to end it on a high note. People were buzzing at the possibility of a future and a new place to explore. They’d all been getting restless and people were _dying_ to get out of New Ham for a while. That escape was so close that they could taste it, and people were excited.

Seeds of hope had been planted, and it worked in Harry and Lexie’s favour because it happened under their rule, despite the fact that it had been Allie who had orchestrated the discovery in the first place.

As Grizz and rest of the mayoral party filed out of the church, Sam pulled Campbell aside - literally grabbed him by the arm to pull him aside.

“I want to come on the expedition,” He signed, jaw set in determination.

Campbell frowned at him, “What - why?” He signed back, speaking while he did so, his tone one of annoyance.

When Harry lingered to hear Sam out, Grizz did too, pretending it was out of curiosity rather than genuine, true investment in whether or not Sam was allowed to join them.

“Because,” Sam began, speaking aloud now while he signed (likely, at least in part, for Grizz’s sake), “I don’t trust you. A lot of people don’t. Those people trust me, though. If I go, you can say you’ve gotten approval from both sides.”

Campbell gave a cocky, crooked grin, “We don’t need your approval, Sam.”

Sam’s jaw clenched, “You have half the town on your side,” he reminded him, “You need the other half to come around, otherwise you’re fucked.”

Campbell frowned in suspicion, “Why would _you_ want to help make _me_ look good?”

“I don’t,” Sam scoffed, “But I also don’t want a civil war. If you’re going to be in charge, I want to be there to make sure you don’t fuck everything up.”

Grizz stared at Sam, eyes wide, because, Christ, for someone who was scared of Campbell, he certainly didn’t pull punches when he spoke to him.

The brothers glared at each other in a silent stand-off, neither one backing down. For a few tense moments, Grizz worried that Sam had crossed a line - been too bold.

But then Campbell laughed, “Fine - whatever,” he snorted, shaking his head, “Be my guest, man. I don’t give a shit.”

He turned to leave then, shaking his head as he shoved his way through the doors of the church, Harry following close behind.

Grizz gawked at Sam, who took a deep breath and gave a small, indecipherable shrug.

“Grizz! Let’s go, dude - I’m fucking starving!” Clark shouted from the gazebo as he hung off of one of the pillars.

“Yeah! I’m comin’,” Grizz called back, “I guess I’ll see you around,” he signed to Sam, figuring that was the safest farewell they could have in public like this, with the members of the guard nearby, watching.

“You bet,” Sam signed back.

With that, Grizz jogged over to rejoin the guys, letting them lead the way back to the truck so that they could make their way to Luke’s for the night.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Grizz saw more of Campbell and Harry in the next few days than he would have normally liked but, for the sake of his mission (so to speak), it was a good sign. It meant that he was that much closer to finding Allie and Will.

The thing was, Grizz felt like he would maybe be able to get something out of Harry if he could ever have a moment alone with him. Campbell must have known that, too, because he never left Harry and Grizz alone together for too long.

It was clear that Campbell didn’t trust him just yet.

Harry, on the other hand, seemed exhausted by the other man’s overbearing presence. Frankly, Harry just seemed _off_ in general. He wasn’t the guy Grizz had known in high school.

Some days, he was borderline unrecognizable. Jittery, anxious - almost sickly in appearance.

“Are you sure you’re up for this?” Grizz checked on day when they were going over the final plan for the expedition - a rare day when Campbell was elsewhere.

This venture into the woods one would be much shorter than the last. Grizz had suggested that they make a day trip of it, but Campbell and Harry had insisted that they take some time to thoroughly explore the area’s potential.

Harry glanced up at him in surprise, brushing his unruly hair off his face. He nodded, “Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Grizz shrugged, “You don’t look so good, is all.”

“I’m fine. I just...ran out of my meds yesterday. Campbell’s supposed to be getting me more,” he murmured.

Grizz nodded slowly, “Why does Campbell have your medication?”

“He’s got...keys to the pharmacy - why do you care, man?” Harry snapped, glaring pointedly at him.

Grizz held up his hands in a surrender, “Hey, I’m just trying to make sure no one else dies out there, dude. You look sick, that’s all I’m saying.”

“Well, I’m not,” Harry bit back, “I’ll be fine by the time we leave.”

“Alright.”

“Alright.”

Grizz hesitated, “Y’know, Sam’s been helping out around the hospital. He’s been working with Gordie and Kelly. I’m sure he could bring whatever you need when he meets up with us. And, I mean...the pharmacy’s supplies will run out at some point, right?” he paused, licking his lips and lowering his voice, “You should talk to Gordie. Then you won’t have to rely on Campbell so much,” he murmured, watching Harry closely to gauge his reaction to that suggestion.

Harry froze momentarily, clearing his throat, “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Grizz. Stay out of it.”

“Out of what? If you’re sick, Harry, you should be talking to Gordie, or Kelly. Not _Campbell_ \- “

“I said I’m fucking fine, dude - Jesus fucking Christ,” Harry shouted, running his fingers through his hair as he glanced toward the door, peering around anxiously as though someone may have heard his outburst. He deflated, then, looking back to Grizz, “Look. It’s...it’s complicated, alright? Kelly and Gordie - they hate me, man. They’re not gonna help me.”

“You don’t know that,” Grizz insisted.

“I do,” he growled, “Even if they don’t, they fucking should. I’ve got - “ his jaw clenched as he looked back toward the front door before lowering his voice, “Allie and Will are _here_.”

Grizz heart sank, “ _Here_ , here?” he hissed.

Harry nodded shamefully.

“Where?!”

Harry shook his head, opening his mouth to speak -

Grizz heard the lock click before the front door swung open, “Honey, I’m home!” Campbell called. Harry immediately moved away, pretending to be looking over Grizz’s maps of the area and the surrounding forest, and that was that. That was all he was going to get.

Grizz’s heart was racing. They were so fucking close - _he_ was so fucking close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright, i put my notes at the end this time because i need opinions from you guys (those of you interested in giving them, of course - don't feel obligated at all)!
> 
> so, here's the deal: in writing this, i've found that there are some relationships/dynamics i want to explore and some things going on beyond the scope of grizz's POV that i've been wanting to write out, but haven't been able to because grizz isn't involved in those things (examples of course being sam and becca's relationship, sam and gwen's dynamic when grizz isn't around, sam's POV in general in some of the scenes that have/will transpire, the explorer squad in general and what they're up to while grizz is off shmoozing his way in the guard, et cetera). 
> 
> so, my question is: if i were to make a compilation sort of series with companion scenes and pieces to this fic, is that something y'all would be interested in??? don't get me wrong, i LOVE writing from grizz's POV. i feel like i get grizz, but there are a bunch of other fun people/scenarios i'd maybe wanna explore in this version of the story, so, i just wanna see how you guys would feel about it/if anyone would be interested :D
> 
> as always, thank everyone who likes and comments so much for the encouragement and support and love. it means the world to me! <333


	8. The Expedition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE AT THE END!**

In the days that followed, Grizz and the others finalized preparations for the second expedition, mapping out the route they would take, deciding that they would mark their path as they went to, hopefully, turn it into a walkable, accessible route for the entirety of the town. In addition to seeing the space they had to work with, Harry and Lexie wanted to get a head start on preparing to make the journey easier for those who would be working the land.

Grizz told Gwen what he’d learned about Allie and Will. He assumed she relayed that to the group, because he received a text from Gordie assuring him that they would handle it while he was away, if he could just get them a bit more information about the shifts the guard’s would be working and the best route by which to enter the property without being seen.

Under the guise of helping Sam pack for the expedition, Grizz met with Gordie, Bean, Gwen, and Kelly to relay to them everything he knew. He drew them the best map of the house he could muster - including the surrounding yard and even the shed around the back - and explained to them that the guys would be posted out front, the same way they had been when they’d been guarding Allie.

If they couldn’t see anyone out front, they were likely inside, and they would have to wait them out before they entered.

Grizz also made a point to crack a window ever so slightly for them, just to make it easier for them to get inside without being noticed.

Two days after Harry told Grizz where Allie and Will were being held, the pair, joined by the Eliot brothers, set out into the woods to rediscover the land Grizz and the others had discovered.

There was no celebratory send off this time - only four silent men trekking through the brush and into the forest.

Grizz took the lead, of course, followed closely by Sam, then Harry, with Campbell bringing up the rear.

The silence between them was heavy and uncomfortable. Grizz was hyper aware of the danger lurking just a few feet behind him. He was aware of their isolation, aware of Sam following as close on his heels as he could possibly get without their bodies touching. He was on edge in a way he hadn’t been since Dewey’s trial, his conviction, and, most chilling of all, his execution.

It was a nauseating sort of anxiety that he’d really hoped he’d never have to feel again.

But coming out here, with Campbell, felt all kinds of wrong. His heart was racing, and his body’s natural defenses were bubbling just below the surface: fight or flight.

They were alone out here. Was this his chance to eliminate the problem? Maybe killing Campbell the best thing he could do for the greater good...

Maybe this was the moment to do it - the best, and perhaps only, opportunity he would get.

Would he even be able to go through with it?

In a moral and literal sense, Grizz wasn’t so sure - and if he hesitated, if he balked when the time came, Campbell wouldn’t hesitate to kill him first. He knew that much.

He wished he could talk to Sam. He felt like he already knew what he’d say - he’d been advocating for Campbell’s elimination for a long time.

Even that simple fact made Grizz’s stomach turn.

Was _Sam_ capable of that? Of killing his own brother?

This wouldn’t be like it was with Dewey. Grizz didn’t have a gun - he would have to do it with his bare hands, or by bludgeoning. It would be gruesome - gory. Up close and personal. It would be horrifying.

And there would be no questioning who had been the one to do it.

It would have to be him.

He took a deep, shaky breath. He couldn’t believe he was even considering this.

But he was - in a very, _very_ real way, he was.

And _that_ was the scariest part.

When had he become this person? He’d advocated for Dewey’s execution, too. He’d been one of the people to convince Allie that it was their only option. Even if he hadn’t been able to actually go through with it, even if he hadn’t been one of the three to pull the trigger to fire the shot that may have killed him, he had played a crucial role in making the final decision.

And now he was trying to decide whether or not to kill Campbell Eliot, right here, right now.

Who the fuck _was_ he?  
Even if he could do it, if he did go through with it, there were the consequences to think about. With Campbell gone, what would Harry and Lexie do? Would they execute him? Would they stick with Allie’s punishment?

Would he have to kill Harry, too, to keep him from telling everyone what really happened?

And if Allie took back power, would _she_ execute him? Surely she would have to. She couldn’t just give him a pardon because his murder had a seemingly more acceptable motive than Dewey’s.

In truth, the motives would be the same. Dewey had killed Cassandra because he was convinced that she posed a threat to their way of life. In his eyes, _she_ had been dangerous.

Grizz would be killing Campbell for the exact same reason.

“Jesus…” he blurted under his breath, shaking his head. He couldn’t believe he was even considering this...

He felt dizzy.

“Everything alright up there?” Campbell called.

“Yeah,” he called back, voice catching. He cleared his throat, “Yeah, everything’s fine. Just...getting my bearings - gimme a sec,” he peered around to sell his lie, then stepped aside to tie a marker on a nearby branch.

Sam followed, “You okay?” he asked.

Grizz nodded, swallowing his nerves, willing everything to stop spinning, “Fine,” he assured him shortly.

Sam frowned, obviously not the slightest bit convinced, “Do you need to take a break?” he checked, “You look pale.”

Grizz glanced up at him, ready to insist that he was fine, but Harry stepped in, “What’s the hold up?” he asked. He looked at Grizz and blinked, his brow also furrowing in concern, “You good, man?”

“Yeah, yeah, I just...need some water,” he lied, and Harry dug in his pack for a canteen, which Sam took. He unscrewed the cap before he handed it to Grizz.

“Do you need to sit down?” he asked, speaking aloud while he signed because he knew Grizz would only understand some of it.

Grizz nodded, “Maybe,” he conceded, lowering himself to sit on the ground, leaning back against the truck of the tree and closing his eyes.

“What the fuck, Mountain Man?” Campbell groaned when he joined the huddle, “Don’t go dying on us now, we got shit to do,” he reminded him, kicking his foot to get his attention, “Let’s go.”

“He needs a break,” Sam signed, glaring at his unsympathetic brother.

“We’ve only been out here for, like, an hour, tops!” Campbell countered.

The trek should have only been an hour, but that was a fact that Grizz had kept to himself. He’d been leading them astray, slightly, to buy himself time while he tried to decide what he was going to do with this opportunity - if this was his moment to act.

“He’s obviously not feeling well, man. We can spare fifteen minutes,” Harry reasoned, “We can’t do this without him, right? So, let’s just chill for a sec.”

Campbell sighed, shaking his head, “You’ve got ten,” he scoffed before he ventured off on his own, slightly ahead of the group, but never out of sight.

Sam crouched next to Grizz, watching him worriedly, “Can I get you anything?”  
Grizz shook his head, running his fingers through his hair with a soft sniffle. He glanced up to where Harry was lurking nearby, keeping his distance, but glancing his way every so often. To his credit, Harry looked genuinely concerned.

But still.

“We should go back,” Sam decided, moving to get up to go insist to Harry and Campbell that they needed to return to New Ham.

Grizz hastily caught his arm to stop him, “No! No - we can’t,” he swallowed when Harry gave him an odd look, “I’m alright. We’re not far. It’d take longer to go back than it would to keep going forward.”

Sam stared at him, watching him - considering him, trying to understand what was wrong. Grizz could see that he was scaring him, and he felt awful about that, but he couldn’t explain everything now. So, he held tightly to his arm, trying to convey _something_ regarding his inner turmoil to the other man without saying it aloud, even if there was no possible way for Sam to fully grasp the exact horrors that were plaguing him without a proper explanation.

He hoped that it was at least clear that there was more to this - that he wasn’t sick. No physically, at least.

“Later?” Sam signed after a moment - only signing this time, spelling the word out for Grizz’s sake to ensure he would understand him, knowing he could safely communicate that way, since Harry didn’t know even basic ASL.

Grizz breathed a sigh of relief and nodded, “Yeah.”

He didn’t need to decide anything now, in this moment. They would be spending the night out here. He had some time to make a decision - to, hopefully, talk things through with Sam first.

For as against him coming as he’d initially been, Grizz was grateful to have him there. Turns out he had needed him there.

They sat in silence, then, with Grizz sipping on the canteen now and then. Despite the psychological cause of his illness, he still needed to calm his nerves and take a moment to breathe and recover before he could continue on. He had needed the break, despite his earlier protests.

Campbell returned, then, tossing a berry into his mouth, “You good?” he asked with a grin.

Grizz frowned, “What are you eating?”

Campbell shrugged, “Found ‘em over there - “ he nodded in some vague direction off the path.

Sam rolled his eyes and Grizz raised his eyebrows, “They might be poisonous,” he pointed out, voice flat. He didn’t sound overly concerned, but he also didn’t want to come across as hopeful - because, frankly, it would be a weight off of his shoulders if Campbell’s overconfidence ended up being what took him out.

Campbell’s grin only widened, “Guess we’ll find out,” he beamed with a wink, “C’mon, let’s get moving.”

Grizz shot Sam a look and the redhead only shrugged in response, nostrils flared in irritation. The pair rose, and Grizz dusted off his pants, picked up his pack, and returned to the trail to finish the trek.

He didn’t stall any longer. He hadn’t been lying when he told Sam that the field wasn’t far, and they arrived at the clearing in no time at all.

He couldn’t help but smile when he looked at it. This place, somehow, felt more like home to him than New Ham ever had. Even with Campbell and Harry nearby, tainting his memories of it, Grizz immediately felt oddly at peace here. His memories of this place were nothing but good - reading and smoking around the fire, laughing with his friends in a way he hadn’t in such a long time.

Quiet heart to hearts in a tiny tent.

He loved it here.

“We’re so fucked,” Harry murmured nearby, and Grizz frowned.

He looked back at Harry, and he could see how overwhelmed he was by the vast expanse in front of him.

“It’s gonna be a lot of work,” Grizz offered, “But you gotta do what you gotta do, right?” he ventured, and Harry glanced back at him, considering him for a moment before he swallowed thickly and nodded.

“Well alright,” Campbell stated, “Let’s set up camp first, then we can go take a look around. Whaddya say?”

The question was directed at Harry, and Grizz was grateful when Harry agreed. It would give him a chance to talk to Sam without having to worry about being overheard.

Grizz and Sam wound up doing the bulk of the work when it came to building the tents. Harry and Campbell each had their own, while Grizz and Sam had agreed to share one (“agreed” in the sense that they’d only acted like it was a compromise for the sake of the other two).

“Looks like you’ve got this under control - Harry and I are gonna go scope out the area, start making some plans,” Campbell decided after mere moments of setting up - all he’d really done was remove his tent from his pack.

Sam was already signing his protest when Grizz interrupted, “Yeah, we got it,” he assured him.

“Way to be a team player, man,” Campbell praised. He always had this way of speaking that made Grizz constantly question whether he was being mocked. He was just...condescending. Constantly condescending.

With that, Campbell and Harry grabbed their lighter packs and went to explore the area. Grizz assumed they knew better than to venture too far, lest they get lost, but he couldn’t honestly say that he would be all that concerned if they didn’t come back.

Sam turned to him immediately once they were out of the area, “What’s going on with you?”

Where to begin…

How was he supposed to bring up the fact that he was considering killing Sam’s brother? Sure, his brother was _Campbell_ , but he was still family. Surely Sam had love for him, even if he was a difficult person to love. Campbell was still a _person_ , and no person was one hundred percent good or bad.

Surely, he’d had his redeeming moments - moments that, maybe, Sam remembered fondly. They’d grown up together. He couldn’t always have been a monster to live with.

“Grizz?” Sam approached him, reaching to rest his hand on his hip - a calculated touch that would be easily hidden, should the others look back and catch that particular moment.

Sam liked to offer comfort through touch. It was one of the many things Grizz liked about him.

“I think…” he began, and he faltered. He couldn’t look Sam in the eye, “I think this might be my chance to eliminate the problem - just...make sure once and for all that we won’t have anything to worry about once Allie’s free,” he ventured cautiously.

Sam frowned, “I don’t understand,” he admitted.

Grizz swallowed, meeting his worried and confused gaze, “Campbell. Campbell’s the problem, right? This is my chance to...uhm...” he trailed off, unable to say it aloud.

Sam’s eyes widened in understanding, “...right…” he breathed, and _that_ was the look Grizz didn’t want to see on Sam’s face. It was tormented, torn, distressed look. His eyes immediately welled with tears, although his jaw was set in determination, “We could leave,” he suggested instead, “If we go now, we can just leave them here - it won’t be up to us to decide what happens to them.“

“We marked our path,” Grizz reminded him, “They’d find their way back.”

“So, what?” Sam pressed, “You want to _kill_ him? How are you planning to do that? What about Harry?”

Grizz shook his head, “I don’t know - I wanted to talk to you about it…”

“About killing my brother?” Sam snapped, and Grizz was silenced - ashamed.

“I shouldn’t have said anything,” he muttered, “It’s not fair to put this on you,” he sighed, running his fingers through his hair, “ _Fuck_.”

He’d been so stupid. It was selfish to ask _Sam_ to help him decide whether or not he should fucking _murder his brother_.

“Are you asking for my permission, or something?”

“I don’t know! I don’t know - I just…I didn’t want to just _do it_ without telling you. I don’t even know if I _can_ , but it’s…” he paused, chewing his lip for a moment, “What if this is the right call? What if it’s the best thing I can do for the town? What happens when we go back and Allie and Will are free? You don’t think he’ll come for them - for us?”

“He will,” Sam said with certainty.

“And he won’t hesitate.”

“No,” he agreed. His voice was quiet. Grizz could see how hard this was for him, because Sam knew that Campbell was dangerous. He knew that he was a threat, and he had advocated for them to take care of him in the past when Allie had arrested him for the murder of Cassandra.

But he hadn’t been there when they’d talked about his execution. It was one thing to want to keep him prisoner, but it was another entirely to plan his death.

Tentatively, Grizz reached up to take his face in his hands, “I’d never want to do anything that would hurt you,” he murmured, “If there’s anything else I can do - if I can think of some other way...”

Sam swallowed, “Like what?”

“I don’t know. _Something_. There’s gotta be a Plan B, right?”

“Right…”

Silence fell between them. Grizz wanted to kiss him - to offer him comfort and reassurance that he was going to figure things out, that everything would be alright, but it was enough of a risk to be holding him like this with Campbell and Harry not far off.

So, he sniffed and stepped back, letting his hands fall away from the other man’s face as he turned his attention back to setting up camp.

He didn’t want to push. Sam knew what was on his mind, and he wanted to give him time to think - time to consider what he wanted.

If he were being honest, Grizz would have to admit that he was far more afraid that Sam would tell him to go through with it than he was that he might tell him no.

But was it fair to make the final decision Sam’s? To put him in that position…

It had made Grizz sick to try to make that choice for himself, and he had absolutely no love for Campbell. Handing it off to someone who loved him was cowardly and wrong.

Grizz didn’t want Sam to blame himself for Campbell’s death. He didn’t want to put that on him. He’d seen what that had done to Allie - he knew how Dewey’s execution had affected him, and he hadn’t even been the one to take the final shot.

He didn’t want that for Sam.

“Sam,” he blurted, despite knowing that he wouldn’t hear him. He approached where he, too, was working quietly and touched his arm to get his attention, “I just wanted you to know what I was thinking,” he clarified, “I don’t want you to decide for me. I don’t want permission. I just want you to know I’m thinking about it. Okay? Is that okay?”

He signed as much as he could, wanting to be sure that Sam caught every word he said - that he understood that Grizz would be the one to decide what he did. That this wasn’t on him.

Sam blinked at him, “And if I say no?” he ventured, signing slowly, speaking quietly.

Grizz swallowed thickly, “I’ll take it into consideration,” he told him, “And hope you’ll forgive me if I make the wrong decision.”

What the wrong decision was, exactly, he didn’t know. Neither choice seemed right, to him.

Sam sighed, nodding as he turned away from him to get back to work.

He was upset. Whether it was at the situation itself or at Grizz, specifically, he didn’t know, but either way, Grizz knew that he had every right to feel that way, and he wanted to give him the space he needed to be angry, or frustrated, or whatever it was he needed to feel.

Grizz had to be alone with his own thoughts for a moment, too. He was worried about Sam, yes, and about what this would mean for them, but he also had to think of the greater good. He had to make a decision that was bigger than them. This couldn’t just be about Sam.

The problem was that is _was_. It was about Sam - how could it not be?

What sort of person would he be if he stopped caring about how his decisions would affect the people he cared about most?

They worked in silence until the camp was built, and Grizz built a fire once they were through.

They were sat opposite each other when the others returned.

“Not bad, Visser!” Campbell called in approval once they were within earshot, “This is gonna work,” he beamed.

“Glad you like it,” Grizz muttered, using a stick to poke and prod at the small fire.

“We even brought dinner,” he stated proudly, tossing a couple of fish onto the ground next to him.

Naturally, Grizz was the one who ended up cooking Campbell’s catch. The others had no real idea how to prepare and cook the fish, so it only made sense that he would be the one to take care of it. He didn’t mind so much - Grizz liked cooking over an open fire. It was all a part of the camping experience (something that he’d always enjoyed, even before everything went to hell).

There was a stark difference between this campfire experience and the one he’d had with the previous expedition group. He had nothing to discuss with these people - there was no small talk to be made, no teasing or joking around. It was quiet while they ate, aside from the odd, snarky quip Campbell made to point out how blatantly uncomfortable everyone around him was.

He liked doing that, Grizz had noticed. He liked to draw attention to the things that made people feel out of sorts. It was as though he found it funny - _entertaining_.

It made Grizz’s skin crawl.

Sam retreated to their tent not long after the sun went down. It was cold, even with the fire, and there was really no reason to stick around - especially for Sam, who wasn’t bothering to pretend that he had any interest in socializing or talking strategy with Campbell or Harry.

Grizz, however, had a facade to keep up, and he stayed up a bit longer with the other two to discuss what they wanted to do with the land, what they wanted to build and create. To Grizz’s surprise, the pair of them took this seriously, and their ideas, if a bit ambitious, weren’t entirely unreasonable.

The three of them retired for the night a couple hours later, and Grizz offered Sam a smile when he stepped into the tent. He was tucked into his sleeping bag, using his phone to read, and he offered a quick, signed, “Hi,” before he returned to his book.

Grizz stripped off a couple layers and swapped a few items until he was just left in a comfortable sweater and sweatpants. He then climbed into his own sleeping bag next to where Sam lay and laid back, staring up at the ceiling.

It was the first time he’d slept next to Sam since Thanksgiving. His heart was pounding in his chest, and the separation between them this time around made it ache simultaneously.

He glanced over in Sam’s direction. Sam’s back was to him, but Grizz could still see the light from his phone, so he knew that he was still awake. He hesitated for a moment before he rolled onto his side and gently reached to touch his waist. Sam glanced back at him, then lifted his arm to let Grizz properly wrap his arm around his waist. He scooted closer and settled in so that they could lay comfortably together, pressed against each other.

Grizz laid like that for a moment, enjoying being close to Sam, before he lifted his hand into the light, “I’m sorry,” he signed, spelling the words out, since he didn’t know how else to properly sign the apology in his current position.

Sam frowned, glancing over his shoulder at him, “For what?”

Grizz raised an eyebrow - he would’ve thought it would be obvious.

Sam sighed, setting his book aside and rolling over to face him, letting the light from the phone shine between them so they could see each other, “I understand why you’re considering it,” he explained, “It’s just complicated.”

Grizz nodded, “I know.”

Sam smiled softly. There was a sadness to it, due to the situation they found themselves in, but it was a smile none-the-less.

“I’m not going to do it,” Grizz murmured, and Sam looked surprised.

“You’re not?”

He shook his head.

“You should,” he admitted, although it clearly pained him to say so.

“Maybe,” Grizz agreed quietly, “I don’t think I can, though.”

“Because of me?”

Grizz pursed his lips thoughtfully, “Kind of,” he admitted, “Not just that, though. I don’t think I want to be that person - like, the one who decides who lives or dies. That’s not up to me. He hasn’t hurt anyone - “

“Yet,” Sam interjected firmly, and Grizz gave a nod in acknowledgement.

“ _Yet_ , yeah - but still. I can’t do it,” he admitted, “S’just not me. Or, like...I don’t _want_ it to be. Does that make sense?”

Sam nodded, lips curling upward into a fond smile, “You’re not a killer,” he murmured gently.

Grizz shook his head, “No.”

Something must’ve given away Grizz’s frustration with that fact - a look, or an expression on his face, because Sam reached up to brush a stray piece of hair off of his forehead, “That’s a good thing, you know,” he pointed out with a chuckle.

After Dewey’s execution, Grizz had felt like he’d let his friends down - let _Allie_ down, especially - because he’d been unable to do what had to be done. She’d had to take it upon herself to be the one to execute her sister’s killer.

It had been an awful thing to put her through.

And now, he was feeling that shame all over again. He couldn’t make the tough calls, he didn’t have what it took to do what he had to do to ensure the safety of the people he cared about - of the town as a whole.

It was infuriating.

“Is it?” he questioned, swallowing thickly, “With everything that’s going on - “

“ _Yes,_ ” Sam insisted firmly, “ _Especially_ with everything that’s going on. The last thing we need is more violence - that can’t _always_ be the only answer.”

Grizz sniffed and smiled, “Thanks,” he muttered, comforted by Sam’s reassurance. He leaned in, his nose brushing against Sam’s before he pressed his lips against his, softly at first, but Sam was quick to deepen the kiss, pulling him closer.

“Are we done pretending we’re not doing this?” He teased after a moment, pulling away to gesture between them, presumably referring to their relationship, “Because we obviously are.”

Grizz laughed, “Dick,” he grumbled before he moved to kiss his jaw.

Sam hummed in approval, “I’m taking that as a ‘yes.’”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Grizz had always been a morning person, whereas Sam preferred to sleep in. So, naturally, Grizz was up before him.

He smiled, kissed Sam’s shoulder, and layered up to head outside to get a fire started to make breakfast.

He was surprised to see that someone else was awake even before him:

Campbell.

“You’re up early,” he commented, watching as Grizz moved around the campsite, working on rebuilding the fire from last night.

“I’m an early riser - always have been,” Grizz shrugged simply, glancing over at Campbell, “What’s your excuse?”

Campbell grinned, “Slept like shit. It’s too quiet out here. You kinda miss the ambient noise of home when you start being able to pick up on even the tiniest bit of noise, right down to every chirp of every single fuckin’ cricket. You get what I’m saying?”

He was staring very pointedly at Grizz, and Grizz paused what he was doing, watching Campbell closely, “Think so,” he nodded.

“Thought you might,” He smiled. Campbell sniffed, then, and wiped absently at his nose, “Let’s take a walk, shall we?” He suggested, although Grizz got the distinct impression that it wasn’t a mere suggestion at all.

He’d fucked up.

Grizz glanced back toward the tent, heart pounding in his chest, then looked back at Campbell and set his jaw. He nodded, “Yeah, let’s do it.”

Campbell grabbed his backpack off of the ground next to him and rose, slinging the bag over his shoulder and heading toward the woods, clearly assuming that Grizz would follow, no questions asked.

He did. He didn’t get the sense that he had much of a choice in the matter, and he didn’t want Sam to get involved in whatever was about to transpire.

It was better for them to leave camp.

His mind was racing. Campbell must have heard him talking to Sam - of course he fucking had. He’d been stupid and careless, talking plainly about everything like that, with Campbell just a few meters away.

This was bad.

If Campbell had overheard what he’d said, then he knew that Grizz had wanted him dead. If he knew that, then there was a very good chance that Campbell intended to kill him, which, in turn, would force Grizz’s hand.

Would he be able to kill someone in self-defense?

He’d _have_ to.

So, how was he going to do it?

Immediately, as they walked through the field and into the trees, Grizz’s eyes began surveying his surroundings, looking for anything he could use as a weapon. He already had a size advantage, which was good, but he knew that Campbell would be ruthless - he wouldn’t hold back the way Grizz might.

He saw a few decently sized branches that he could use. If he grabbed one now, he could take Campbell out while his back was turned - before he even had a chance to make a move.

But what if he didn’t have any intention of harming Grizz? What if Grizz was just assuming the worst?

Maybe he hadn’t heard anything at all and Grizz was just being paranoid - had just read into things all wrong. If that were the case, and he attacked first, then it was entirely possible that he would end up killing an innocent man.

Or, at the very least, he would unnecessarily unleash a side of Campbell that he’d only heard about from Sam.

So...what was he supposed to do?

He didn’t know how long they’d been walking before Campbell seemed to be satisfied. He stopped and set his pack down, crouching to unzip and sift through it while Grizz looked on. He kept his distance, anxiously waiting to see what the other man would do.

He clocked a fallen branch nearby and, tentatively, stepped a bit closer to it, just to be safe. He wanted to be able to reach it quickly, if it came to that.

Any thoughts of self-defense went out the window when Campbell turned to face him, gun in hand. Grizz’s blood ran cold and he raised his hands in surrender, “Jesus,” he breathed, staring at the weapon, “Campbell - “

“Do you think I’m a fucking idiot, Visser?” Campbell interrupted, tone casual and chillingly conversational.

Grizz shook his head, “No, not at all.”

“So, you just didn’t think I’d notice you fucking _slithering_ around, sticking your nose in where it doesn’t belong? You seriously thought Harry wouldn’t _tell me_ what you said - what was it you said to him? That he needs to get away from me, was that it? Join Allie’s little crew?”

“What? No - just...put down the gun, man. I can explain - I thought he was sick. I thought Gordie could help him!”

“Bull-fucking-shit,” Campbell scoffed, raising the gun. Grizz heard the sharp click as he removed the safety, “I heard you, you know. You and my _fucking brother_ talking about offing me - that’s fucked up, man,” he pointed out coolly, cocking his head to the side, “Hurts my feelings. I gotta say, thought, I didn’t think Sam had it in him.”

Grizz swallowed, “It was my idea - Sam was against it,” he swore, “It was a stupid, fleeting thought, yes, but I would never have gone through with it.”

“How thoughtful of you,” Campbell snorted sarcastically. His expression hardened, then, and any air of levity left his voice when he spoke next, “I can’t let you come back with us. Either of you. Can’t have the two of you spreading Allie’s gospel around town and all that shit. You know how this all works - you’re a smart guy. I’m sure you’ve already put two and two together.”

 _Sam_.

This was it.

“Besides, how do I know you won’t get brave all of the sudden and try to take a shot at me sometime down the road, y’know?”

Kill or be killed.

“I just can’t risk it, man.”

Kill or _Sam_ would be killed.

Staring down the barrel of a gun, with the morning sunlight filtering through the trees, birds chirping to break the otherwise total silence of the surrounding forest, Grizz felt a strange sort of calm wash over him. There was no time to be afraid, no time to panic - he had to think, he had to move.

He wouldn’t go down without a fight.

In the span of a few seconds that somehow felt like a lifetime, Grizz made a choice and charged toward Campbell.

And the jarring, unmistakable sound of a gunshot shattered the peaceful morning silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for those who haven't bookmarked/aren't following the companion anthology to this series, i just wanted to be sure to let you know that **the next chapter in the companion anthology will be an immediate follow up to this chapter from Sam's POV**. it's not necessary to read it to follow the narrative of this story, necessarily, but if you're an angst whore like i am, that's where you'll get it from.


	9. Sam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey so i lied at the end of the last chapter. i made the decision to put sam's POV chapter in with the main story, because it did end up working better that way. i hope you're okay with the shift away from grizz's POV/the original format. i just think sam's point of view does this part of the plot more justice. idk. let me know what you think!

Sam awoke with a smile on his face. Against all odds, despite what he and Grizz had talked about the night before, Sam woke up smiling.

He also woke up cold.

He frowned, rolling over to see that Grizz was very much missing from the sleeping bag next to him.

He knew that Grizz was a bit of a morning person. He’d learned that about him when they’d both been living with Allie. There had been many occasions on which he’d woken up to find Grizz and Allie already up, on their second cups of coffee, huddled close on the porch or talking over the island in the kitchen while one or the other made breakfast.

When Sam would join them, he would always be greeted with a smile and a hot cup of coffee.

And that was more of less what he was expecting to find when he crawled out of the tent, but, to his surprise, Grizz was nowhere to be seen outside, either.

_That_ was slightly more concerning.

He saw the firewood laid out on the ground next to the fire pit they’d constructed, and that served as evidence of Grizz’s presence that morning, because there was no way Campbell would’ve gotten up and started to make a fire for everyone.

So where was he?

Sam saw movement out of the corner of his eye, and he turned to see Harry climb out of his own tent.

Something wasn’t right. He couldn’t say what, exactly, set off his feeling of dread, but he was worried.

Something was wrong.

He made his way to Campbell’s tent, calling his name before he threw open the tent’s flaps to peer inside.

It was empty.

He turned back to Harry, “Where are they?” he demanded.

Harry frowned, scratching his head, “Who?”

“Grizz! Campbell! Who do you think?!”

Harry blinked, looking between the two empty tents. He shook his head, “I-I don’t know - I didn’t even know they left.”

“Did Campbell say anything to you?”

“No - no one told me anything, They probably just went to find food, man - relax,” Harry assured him, although he didn’t seem all that sure himself as he turned to survey the surrounding treeline.

“Harry - “

“I’m sure they’re fine, Sam. Let’s just - “

He stopped short, suddenly, jumping and whipping around in a panic, staring toward the forest. Sam followed his gaze and saw flocks of birds ascending into the sky from the trees, “What? What is it?” he asked.

Harry looked at him, face pale and horrified, his eyes wide. He swallowed, “Gunshots.”

_Grizz._

Without a second thought, Sam immediately took off toward the trees, running as fast as his legs would carry him in the direction he’d seen the birds come from.

They had to be over there. Sam knew for a fact that Grizz didn’t have a gun, hadn’t brought one, so that could only mean that Campbell had been the source of the shot.

They should never have come out here with him.

Sam should’ve killed him himself. Grizz had wanted to do something about Campbell, but he hadn’t because of Sam, and now...

_Please don’t be dead, please don’t be dead…_

He didn’t know if Harry had followed him, and he didn’t care. He didn’t look back to check, because it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. It didn’t matter that he was running toward the danger, because it was _Grizz_.

Campbell had shot Grizz.

Sam’s chest was tight with panic and despair as that truth hit him, and it was like being hit in the stomach with a tonne of bricks - it knocked the wind out of him. He couldn’t breathe. His lungs were burning, but he could hardly feel it. It didn’t _matter_.

He was yanked from his thoughts when someone grabbed the back of his jacket, literally physically _yanking_ him back. Sam flailed furiously, “Let go of me!” he snapped, lashing out at Harry as the other man tried desperately to restrain him.

“Sam, stop! Sam - _Sam_! Jesus fucking Christ - _stop!_ ” he wrestled Sam to the ground and pinned him as best as he could, covering his mouth with his hand to keep him quiet, “ _Shut the fuck up_ , alright? Relax, I’m not gonna hurt you,” he promised.

Of all things, that was what gave Sam pause, and he glared up at Harry like he was fucking idiot.

Sam hadn’t thought for one second that Harry was trying to hurt him. Above all things, Harry was a coward. A coward who was keeping Sam from Grizz. Grizz was hurt - maybe dying - and Harry was in standing in his way.

Sam bit his palm, which effectively made Harry jerk his hand away in surprise, “Get off of me.”

“He has a _gun_!”

“ _You don’t think I know that?!_ He shot Grizz - “

“We don’t know that, alright? You can’t just go fucking barging in there - you’re gonna get yourself killed!” Harry hissed.

Sam shook his head, as if the risk to his own life didn’t matter (did it?).

This was wasting time - time that Grizz may not have. The longer they argued, the more time Campbell had to finish the job, or the longer Grizz would be lying there - alone, scared, _bleeding_ , “It’s _Grizz_ ,” he stated, voice breaking, as if that explained everything - negated all risk.

Because, for Sam, it did.

Harry stared at him in confusion for a moment, not understanding why that mattered. After a moment, Sam’s desperation and devastation must have given him away, because something seemed to click and realization dawned across Harry’s features.

“ _Oh_ ,” he swallowed, nodding, “We’re gonna help him,” he promised, “We’re just gonna be smart about it. Okay?”

Sam hesitated, trying to decide whether or not to trust Harry.

What choice did he have?

If Harry had wanted to kill him, if this had been planned, he would have done it already. So, Sam nodded begrudgingly.

“I’m gonna let you up - if you take off, I’m not sticking my neck out for your ass again. You’re on your own. Got it?”

“Yeah, I got it.”

“Alright. I’m getting off now,” Harry warned before he slowly and carefully removed himself from on top of Sam. The pair remained on the ground, Harry peering through the trees while Sam watched him for any sign that he’d maybe heard something that Sam couldn’t - a cry for help, more shots.

Anything.

“Harry?” he prompted impatiently.

Harry shook his head, “I-I don’t know. I think…” he squinted in the direction Sam had been headed before their confrontation, “C’mon. Stay low.”

Sam frowned, trying to follow what Harry was saying, but Harry wasn’t like Grizz, or Becca. He and Sam had barely spoken during high school, and even less after, so, Harry wasn’t used to communicating in ways Sam would be able to understand. He was muttering to himself, looking this way and that, neglecting to face Sam properly to allow him to read his lips.

It was infuriating.

But when Harry moved, Sam followed, keeping his eyes peeled for any sign of movement amongst the trees - not just in front of them, but all around them. He wanted to find Grizz, but Campbell was also nearby, and he was armed - dangerous. As much as it pained him to admit it, Harry was right. They had to be smart.

They were no good to Grizz dead.

They walked for a few minutes before Harry stopped, frowning, “What?” Sam demanded, tapping his shoulder to be sure he’d look at him before he spoke, “What is it?

Harry looked back at him, and the look on his face was on of fear and sympathy, “It got quiet,” he muttered.

Sam’s heart pounded in his chest, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I could hear them - like, a fight, or a struggle - “

Sam’s stomach flipped.

_He’s alive_.

“But it stopped,” Harry swallowed.

Sam shook his head adamantly, “Fuck this - “ he snapped, standing upright fully and running again. Running in the direction Harry had been taking him, hoping to God that it was the right one.

Grizz had been alive. He’d been alive and fighting for his fucking life, and Sam had let fucking _Harry_ hold him back. He’d trusted him, and Harry’s cowardice had only slowed him down.

When he finally spotted the two bodies lying side by side on the ground, Campbell face down, Grizz on his back next to him, his heart stopped.

He skidded to the ground next to Grizz, his hands immediately falling on his chest, neck, face - anywhere he could touch, “Grizz! Grizz - c’mon, please...“

There was blood - a lot of it. He didn’t know where it was coming from, exactly, but Grizz’s jacket was soaked, and his face…

But he was breathing. Sam could feel it. And, after a moment, Grizz’s face scrunched and his eyes opened. He said something, but Sam didn’t catch it.

He shook his head, blinking away tears, “I’m sorry - I don’t know what you said. Say it again,” he murmured, focusing intently on Grizz’s lips so that he didn’t miss a word this time.

“Is he dead? Did I kill him?”

Sam shook his head, “I don’t know, I - “

He turned to glance toward where Campbell lay and saw that Harry was already there, turning him over onto his back and checking him over. He met Sam’s gaze, “He’s alive,” he confirmed, and Sam let out a shaky sigh of relief.

He looked back at Grizz, who had shut his eyes once again. His cheeks were wet, “Thank God,” he muttered, and Sam wiped at his tears, being careful not to irritate the cuts and bruises that were forming on his cheeks.

“Are you okay?” He signed, “Harry heard gunshots - “ Sam choked, wiping away his own tears furiously so that he could properly examine Grizz, his hand hovering over his torso as he started trying to locate the source of the bleeding.

“My side,” Grizz grunted, gesturing toward his left side, wincing as he did so.

“Okay - okay. I’m gonna look at it, okay? I’ll be gentle,” he promised, taking Grizz’s hand for a moment and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

Grizz nodded, “Okay.”

Sam kissed Grizz’s palm before he let go of his hand. He took a deep breath as he carefully started peeling away the layers of clothing that covered Grizz’s wound, doing his best to not hurt him in the process.

He felt and noticed the way Grizz’s whole body tensed when he touched the wrong spot, moved him the wrong way, alerting him to his discomfort, and he paused, glancing up at Grizz’s face to make sure he was okay.

When he looked up from the task at hand, Sam was surprised to see that Harry was there, squeezing Grizz’s opposite hand tightly, muttering words of encouragement and reassurance to him.

When he looked up and caught Sam’s eye, Sam offered a grateful, teary smile.

Harry nodded, “I got him,” he assured him, “Do what you gotta do.”

Sam nodded quickly. He was getting closer, now, and the fabric was getting harder and harder to remove. He didn’t want to disturb any clotting - he’d learned that from studying with Gordie and Kelly. He’d read that if someone was bleeding, you were never supposed to take off bandages after they soaked through. You were just supposed to keep adding, because pulling the attached bandage off would just re-open the wound.

If Grizz’s clothes were helping to slow his bleeding, Sam had to leave them.

He just wanted to find the source so that he knew where to apply pressure. The more fabrice he got through, the easier it was so see where he’d been hit - just above the hip, under the ribs. In the fleshy bit of his side.

He had no idea how bad the wound was - how deep, what sort of damage had been done, if the bullet was still inside.

“We need to get him back - he needs a hospital,” Sam stated as he replaced Grizz’s clothing, keeping a hand over his side and applying pressure to the wound.

“How?” Harry asked.

Grizz touched Sam’s arm, “I can walk,” he signed, moving to sit up.

Both Sam and Harry hurried to stop him, “No! No - you need to stay still,” Sam insisted.

He looked to Harry, “You need to go get help,” he decided, “You need to get back, and bring the Guard. They’ll be able to carry him. Run - don’t walk. As soon as you have service, start calling people. Call Gordie and Kelly. Tell them what happened, get them out here. Can you do that?”

“What about Campbell? What if he wakes up?”

Sam glanced at Campbell’s prone form, “Tie his hands,” he murmured.

“With what?”

“Anything, Harry! Jesus,” Sam glared, “You need to go _now_.”

“Alright! I’m going - “

“ _Run,_ ” Sam reminded him again.

“Sam. I got it,” Harry assured him.

He had no choice but to trust Harry - trust that he would come through. He didn’t know what else he could do. He wasn’t about to leave Grizz.

Not now.

So, he gave a nod, and Harry made quick work of binding Campbell before he darted off into the trees.

There was nothing to do but wait.

Wait, and hope to God that Harry came through.

“That bad, huh?” Grizz muttered after a few moments had passed, offering a shaky smile.

He was scared - Sam could see it in his eyes.

He swallowed and shook his head, “It’s not that bad - I’m just being cautious, that’s all,” he assured him, “Just in case.”

He didn’t even know for sure if what he was saying was true of if it was just a lie to comfort a dying man. He didn’t really know how bad it was - he just knew how bad it _might_ be, and he didn’t want to risk it. There was a lot of blood, and Grizz was clearly in a lot of pain.

There would be no way to know how bad it was until they could get a proper look at the wound and, even then, they didn’t really have any means by which to assess internal damage, let alone repair it.

If he had internal injuries, then…

Sam didn’t want to think about it.

He didn’t want to think about the possibility that Grizz might be dying - that he might die while they sat there waiting for help to come.

He didn’t want to consider the possibility that, even if they did manage to get him back to New Ham, he might die anyway - there might be nothing they could do for him.

As hard as they tried, as much as they studied, Gordie and Kelly weren’t _surgeons_. There were some things they couldn’t fix.

It was a terrifying thought.

Sam didn’t know how long had passed since Harry had gone, but it felt like it had already been forever.

He was already taking too long for Sam’s liking.

But they were an hour, at least, from town. Even running, _sprinting_ , it would take time before Harry would reasonably be able to get back to them. Half an hour there, half an hour back, if they were lucky...

How long did it take to bleed to death?

Could they wait that long?

Sam readjusted himself next to Grizz, trying to get comfortable while still maintaining constant pressure on the wound. He scooted closer to him, reaching up with his free hand to run his fingers through Grizz’s hair soothingly, “You should’ve woke me up,” he scolded softly, eyes welling, “I could’ve been here.”

Grizz scoffed at that, “Why, so you could die, too?”

“You’re not dying,” Sam snapped, jaw clenching.

Grizz gave him a look of sympathetic disbelief, “Sam - “

“Shut up - you’re not.”

Grizz swallowed, sighing and closing his eyes as silent tears streamed steadily down his face, “Tell me something good?” he requested after a few quiet moments.

Sam tilted his head thoughtfully, lips curling into a smile as he gently, absently, toyed with Grizz’s hair, “I used to go to football games to stare at your ass,” he admitted with a grin.

Grizz laughed, but immediately flinched and squeezed his eyes shut, his breath catching. Sam grabbed his hand, holding it tightly until the pain subsided. He did his best to smile through his tears when Grizz looked at him again.

He didn’t let go of his hand.

“No you didn’t,” he breathed, smiling shakily.

“Swear to God,” Sam chuckled wetly, sniffling. He was crying freely, now - the emotion a stark contrast to the humorous discussion they were having.

But Grizz needed this. He needed a distraction.

And Sam was willing to give him whatever he wanted.

“I mean,” he continued, backpedaling slightly - teasingly, “Not _just_ yours.”

“Oh yeah?” Grizz smiled.

Sam nodded, “Luke’s isn’t bad, either.”

Grizz rolled his eyes, “You’re such an asshole - it’s mediocre, at best!” he grinned.

“Don’t be jealous. Yours was always in my top three,” Sam assured him.

“You’re just saying that to get in my pants.”

“I’ve _been_ in your pants. I like your pants - I’d live in there, if I could,” Sam corrected.

Grizz laughed again, eyes watering as he winced in pain, “Stop - I can’t laugh. Hurts.”

“Sorry - I’m sorry,” Sam cooed worriedly, releasing Grizz’s hand to return his to his hair, brushing it back from where it was sticking to his skin.

Sam frowned, touching his forehead, then his neck.

His hairline was soaked with sweat. When he touched his neck, his fingertips came away wet.

The air around them was crisp and near wintery, yet Grizz was sweating profusely.

“I don’t feel so good,” he murmured, and Sam had to focus intently on his lips to follow what he was saying.

“Okay. That’s okay,” Sam replied, his voice shaking, “You just need to relax. Take deep breaths…”

He needed to slow his heart rate. Getting him worked up like that had been stupid.

“Try to relax,” Sam reiterated, “Just a bit longer. You’re gonna be okay.”  
Things were still from that point on, with the pair only speaking in hushed, soft tones. Sam could see Grizz condition worsening with each passing moment, and it was killing him to have to just sit by and watch him suffer.

He wished he could do something - _anything_.

He would have done anything to take away his pain - to make him whole again.

At some point, Sam glanced up to see that Campbell was awake and watching them.

Sam wanted to hurt him. He’d never in his life wanted to hurt anyone the way he wanted to hurt his brother in that moment, but he simply turned away from Campbell’s remorseless expression.

There was no sense in attacking someone like Campbell. He’d like it too much - he’d enjoy knowing that he’d set Sam off in such a way.

He liked hurting him.

He’d just _love_ to know that he’d broken Sam’s heart.

So, Sam pointedly ignored him, focusing all of his attention on Grizz.

Grizz, whose skin was growing paler by the minute, his hands cold.

_C’mon, Harry…_

Finally, _finally_ , after what felt like hours upon hours of waiting and watching Grizz slowly fade, Sam spotted movement out of the corner of his eye, and he turned just as Luke burst through the last of the surrounding brush, Clark and Jason hot on his heels.

“Jesus Christ,” Luke breathed when he caught sight of his friend’s prone form.

Fresh tears sprung to Sam’s eyes when others filtered out of the trees, all out of breath. More people than Sam could’ve hoped for.

Gwen, Gordie, Kelly, Will…

_Allie._

Harry had come through. He’d brought _everyone_.

As soon as Gordie and Kelly stepped in to take his place, working to get Grizz ready to be moved, Sam rose and hurled himself into Harry’s arms, “Thank you,” he sobbed.

It took a second, but, eventually, Harry returned the embrace, and Sam felt him nod in acknowledgement of his gratitude.

When Sam turned back to where Grizz lay, Kelly had already gotten an IV into his arm, having cut away the sleeve of his coat, while Gordie was working on taking his vitals.

Jason and Luke stood nearby at the ready, a portable stretcher in hand, prepared to step in and move Grizz whenever they got the okay.

Gwen was crouched behind them, tugging a blanket out of her backpack before she stood upright, clutching it close to her chest while she watched Kelly and Gordie work.

Clark had unceremoniously yanked Campbell to his feet and appeared to be exchanging harsh words with his prisoner while the others turned a blind eye to the verbal abuse.

Allie approached him, then, and silently took Sam’s hand in hers.

And, for the first time in God only knew how long, Sam took a deep breath. He could _breathe_ again.

Everything was going to be okay.

He was going to be okay.


	10. Lucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello squad. so, you'll notice pretty quickly that we are still experiencing things through sam's eyes. we're gonna be here for a while, since grizz is going to be out of commission until further notice. so, we are shifting the story, now, to focus on sam and his experiences. the response to sam's pov pieces has been really positive (i love you all for that), so, i don't think anyone will mind this shift, but i just wanted to give you a heads up about the plan moving forward from this point!
> 
> i also apologize in advance for any errors. i did read through and edit the chapter to the best of my ability, in little chunks while i went, but i REALLY wanted to get this bad boy up before i head to work tonight, so, i didn't give it a full read through in its entirety. hopefully it's all okay and coherent lol.
> 
> thank you all for your comments and support of this story! i'm so glad you're enjoying it. i appreciate you <3

The journey back to New Ham took twice as long as it should have.

Grizz was in horrible shape. Even without having to walk on his own, the trek was hard on him. As careful as Luke and Jason tried to be with him, he was being jostled constantly, and Sam knew that it was causing him pain - he could see it on his face with every wince and grimace.

“Isn’t there something you can give him?” He signed, frustrated by having to see Grizz suffer like this.

Gordie at least had the decency to look apologetic, “I don’t know. I don’t know if we can - “ he sighed, “I don’t want to give him anything until we get back. I don’t know how bad it is, I don’t even know what he needs - I’m sorry.”

Sam’s jaw clenched, but he nodded. He _wanted_ to be understanding. Gordie wasn’t a doctor - he was doing the best he could, making sure that they made frequent stops to check in with Grizz, check his vitals, make sure that he was still stable enough to travel. If he needed to break, Gordie insisted they take one.

But, at the end of the day, he was just a kid playing the part - learning on the fly. He was just starting to figure things out, and _this_...

There was no way to properly prepare for something like this. Certainly not within the span of a few short months.

Sam trusted him - he did.

It was just hard.

He couldn’t stop thinking about how angry he’d been with Grizz for bringing up the idea of killing Campbell. Sam knew better than anyone how dangerous his brother could be, but when he’d been faced with the reality of his death, he’d balked.

He didn’t know why he loved Campbell. He was a monster, and he had never, ever, treated Sam right. Sam knew for an absolute fact that Campbell had never and would never love him, and he knew that if their roles had been reversed, Campbell wouldn’t have even blinked before agreeing to Sam’s execution.

Caring for someone who was incapable of doing the same for him had almost gotten Grizz killed.

Hell, there was still no guarantee that Grizz would survive the encounter.

Sam was angry - with Campbell and with himself for not being strong enough to do what needed to be done.

It was just...it was _his brother_. It was Campbell.

Campbell, who, despite being the older of the brothers, used to sit and watch Sam carefully when they used to have company as kids - when Allie and Cassandra would come by for family dinners - because he wanted to be sure he was doing things right.

Sam remembered Campbell mimicking him back then, when they’d both been too young to understand why Campbell had such a hard time interacting with other kids. He just never had the same interests, it seemed, and he’d get frustrated when things didn’t go his way, or when he got bored with the silly things the other kids wanted to do.

Back then, he’d just been a troubled child who acted out, and Sam had felt guilty because he had assumed that it was because Campbell felt neglected. He felt like it was his fault that Campbell was so angry, because his parents always worried more about him - it was just how things had been ever since he’d gotten sick.

They used to share a bed on bad nights, when Campbell would get sent to his room for having broken a dish or for drawing crude pictures on the walls. Sam would sneak him snacks and would sit and read next to him while Campbell begrudgingly ate his treats and played video games on the gameboy Sam brought.

For a while, before they knew the truth, that had been their routine, and it had been okay. Sure, Campbell had been a lot to live with at times, but Sam knew that he was too.

They both had their own shortcomings. He never held Campbell’s antisocial behaviour against him.

Truth be told, he didn’t really start getting really, truly terrible until middle school.

That was when things between them changed - when Campbell began to openly resent Sam. When he started to join in with the other kids when they used to tease him and make fun of the way he talked.  
Campbell was the one leading the charge against him.

Things were never the same between them.

That version of Campbell was easy to hate - the version that had tormented and tortured him relentlessly, for _years_. Sam could have easily let that version of him die.

But he also remembered that confused, lost, frustrated child.

That was what made this so fucking hard. He _knew_ Campbell - the good _and_ the bad.

This version, though - the worst version of Campbell - had hurt someone Sam cared about. He’d tried to kill him. It was one thing to hurt him, but Grizz was off limits. That crossed a line.

Campbell was dead to him.

When they finally got home again, Luke’s SUV was parked at the forest’s edge, waiting to transport Grizz to the hospital.

Sam wanted to go with him, but there was only so much room, and he didn’t know if that would be okay, or if it would give away too much. He didn’t know what the other guys knew about Grizz, and it wasn’t Sam’s place to out him.

He swallowed, watching as Gwen ran to put down the back seats so that they could slide the stretcher into the back. Kelly and Gordie climbed into the back with him, of course, and Luke and Jason hurried around to the remaining front seats.

Sam’s hand twitched anxiously. He didn’t like that he wasn’t going with him. He didn’t know how to insist that he had to without raising suspicion.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, and he turned to see Harry next to him. He offered Sam a hesitant, uncertain smile, “I can give you a ride,” he offered, “I wanna make sure he’s okay - I’m sure you do, too.”

Harry glanced to the others, and Sam appreciated the cover, and the offer. It was odd that it was coming from Harry, but the other man had a lot to repent for. Sam supposed that this was his way of making up for past mistakes.

He nodded, tucking his hands in his pockets and moving to follow as Harry led the way toward his house.

Again, he felt a hand on his arm - this time, it was Will’s, “What are you doing?” he demanded, looking between Sam and Harry, his expression one of distrust and confusion.

“He’s taking me to the hospital,” Sam explained shortly.

Will frowned, “We can take you. I don’t think - “

“You need to deal with Campbell,” Sam insisted, jaw clenched as he jerked his arm free of Will’s grasp, “Lock him up - for good, this time,” he spat, glaring past Will toward Allie, who gave a little nod of acknowledgement.

With that, he rejoined Harry, “Let’s go,” he muttered.

Sam felt his phone vibrate insistently in his pocket as the text messages he’d missed when he didn’t have service flooded through to his phone. He pulled it out, reviewing all the missed messages he had from Becca.

**Becca** : _are you okay???_

**Becca** : _is grizz okay?_

**Becca** : _you never should have fucking gone anywhere with those two. i knew this was a bad fucking idea. i fucking told you._

**Becca** : _you better fucking text me the second you have service so i know you’re alive_

Sam quickly typed out a reply:

**Sam** : _i’m alive._

**Becca** : _thank god. is grizz alright?_

A lump developed in Sam’s throat, and he felt his eyes welling with tears once again.

**Sam** : _i don’t know. harry’s_

He hesitated, then backspaced, removing Harry’s name from the message. He knew Becca would freak out if she knew he was with Harry. She didn’t know the full story - she wouldn’t understand, and Sam just wasn’t prepared to explain everything right now.

**Sam** : _i don’t know. i’m on my way to the hospital now. i’ll keep you updated._

He tucked his phone back into his pocket and turned his attention toward Harry, who was staring at the ground in front of them while they walked. He looked pale, his hair a mess, his jawline darkened by morning stubble.

“Thank you for helping me - us,” Sam muttered, “You didn’t have to. I know it puts you in a bad spot - “

Harry shook his head, muttering something to himself that Sam couldn’t make out.

Sam tapped his shoulder, “You have to look at me when you speak,” he explained and, to his credit, Harry looked embarrassed that he hadn’t thought of that - and actually a bit irritated with himself.

“Fuck - right. Right,” he swallowed, licking his lips before he spoke again. He spoke slowly and deliberately, which was a bit much, but Sam sort of decided to just pick his battles when it came to Harry.

At least he was making some kind of effort.

Baby steps.

“I said, ‘Yes, I did’ - I had to do it. Help you, I mean.”

“Oh?” Sam quirked an eyebrow.

Harry sighed deeply, “People keep fucking _dying_ because of me,” he explained, “Cassandra, Dewey, Grizz - “

“Grizz isn’t dead,” Sam interrupted shortly, his hands signing the words sharply and emphatically.

“No, I know - I know. I just mean, like...the body count just keeps fucking growing. I never wanted anyone to get hurt…”

Sam blinked, eyes surveying Harry’s features while they walked. It was like he was seeing him for the first time - the most honest, real version of Harry that he’d ever seen, “This wasn’t your fault,” Sam ventured, and it was difficult to get the words out, because he could see how Harry would blame himself, and how others might blame him, too.

He couldn’t necessarily speak to what had happened to Cassandra, because he hadn’t been there. He didn’t know anything about Harry’s involvement with that. It wasn’t Sam’s place to forgive him for what had happened to her.

That was up to Allie.

But he _had_ been there when Grizz had been shot. He’d seen the immediate horror on Harry’s face when he’d realized what had happened. He’d witnessed the way Harry had comforted Grizz when Sam couldn’t.

He could see now, in this moment, how torn up Harry truly was about everything that had happened - how things had spiralled out of control ever since prom, and how he was just struggling to find his footing.

For the first time, Sam pitied Harry.

Harry’s eyes were wide, surprised and hopeful, when he met Sam’s gaze, “Really?” he breathed.

Sam nodded, and it was as though he could actually _see_ a weight lift from Harry’s shoulders, all because one single person had forgiven him and relieved him of his guilt for just a single moment.

“Thanks, Sam. I mean it.”

Again, Sam only nodded. He wasn’t in any sort of condition to offer Harry any more comfort than that, because he wasn’t okay. Sam was holding himself together by a thread, and to offer strength to someone else in that moment - Harry, especially, who, up until now, hadn’t spared him so much as a second thought - was just a bit too much to handle.

Maybe they could talk some other time, once Sam knew that Grizz would be okay.

_Maybe._

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The hospital was a mess.

There were towels and gauze strewn all over the ground, an IV bag abandoned in the middle of the floor, a trail of blood leading to the room that Sam assumed had to contain Grizz and the others, the door to which was firmly shut, and Sam could just make out the heads of Gordie, Kelly, Luke, and Jason inside.

Gordie was white as a ghost.

Before he could get close enough to see inside properly, Harry grabbed Sam’s wrist and held him back, “We should wait out here,” he spoke, and _Harry_ looked like he was going to be sick.

Sam narrowed his eyes, “...why?”

Sam knew that Harry could hear something - something he wasn't telling him about.

“Just...trust me, okay?” Harry pleaded, “You wanna wait here.”

_That_ just made Sam angry, “I’m not a fucking child, Harry,” he snapped, brushing past the other man angrily and storming his way into the exam room.

When he opened the door, however, he almost wished he’d listened.

A braver part of him was glad he hadn’t.

Grizz’s bloody clothes were strewn about the room, and Gordie and Kelly were hovering near his left side while Luke and Jason were on either side of him, physically _restraining him,_ holding him back against the bed.

When Sam moved closer, he saw that Kelly was shakily stitching up Grizz’s side while Gordie talked her through it.

“What the fuck,” Sam breathed, staring in horror at the scene in front of him, because it was extremely evident that Grizz could feel all of it, “What are you doing?!”

Kelly shook her head, not taking her eyes off the task at hand, her brow furrowed in focus, “We couldn’t find anything to freeze it - “

“We don’t know how,” Gordie added, glancing up at him, “You shouldn’t be here, Sam. We’ve got it under control.”

“Like hell you do,” He snapped, and he stepped forward, grasping Jason’s shoulder, “Move - lemme do it,” he insisted.

Jason protested, but Sam saw none of what he said, because he was looking at Grizz, and Grizz was staring right back at him, saying Sam’s name while he reached for him.

Sam took his hand, holding it as tight as he could before he mimicked Luke’s positioning, helping to hold Grizz still, “Deep breaths,” he muttered, trying his best to be soothing, “It’s almost over - you can do this.”

Grizz’s nostrils flared as he did as Sam instructed, inhaling deeply, his whole body shaking with tension while he tried his best not to react to immense pain he had to be in.

“Good,” Sam smiled, “Just keep doing that.”

When he tore his eyes off of Grizz to check on Kelly’s progress, to see how much longer they would need to do this, he caught Luke staring at him. When they caught each other’s eye, Luke offered an uncertain, confused sort of smile before he looked down at his friend.

“You got this, buddy,” Luke encouraged, “This is nothin’.”

The minutes dragged on for hours, long enough that Sam’s hand started to go numb from the strength with which Grizz was squeezing it.

Eventually, finally, Sam saw Luke loosen his hold, and he followed suit, slowly and cautiously. He glanced back at Kelly and Gordie, seeing that the pair had stepped back.

Kelly appeared to be in shock, and was sitting motionless on her stool, staring blankly ahead, while Gordie wet some gauze and stepped forward to dab carefully at the closed wound, cleaning up the area.

“Is he going to be okay?” Sam asked.

Gordie nodded, “I think so,” he spoke and signed, “It must’ve just barely got him - there was just a big gash. We don’t think the bullet hit anything important - just, like...muscle and stuff,” he offered Grizz a weak smile, “You got lucky.”

Sam looked back at Grizz, whose eyes were closed, “Yeah, I feel lucky…” he murmured lazily, and Sam smiled through his tears, reaching to brush a strand of sweat soaked hair back off of his face.

Grizz, presumably too tired to care, leaned into the touch.

Kelly rose, then, removing her bloody gloves. She looked better - more composed, “I’ll put in a new IV, then he needs to rest,” she explained. She smiled at Sam, then, “You did good.”

He returned the smile in kind as Kelly and Gordie filed out of the room. Luke pulled over the stool to sit next to Grizz, and Sam stood awkwardly nearby.

Grizz, for his part, appeared to have already fallen asleep, exhausted from his ordeal.

When Sam didn’t leave, Luke looked up at him, confusion evident on his face - in the downturned corners of his mouth, the furrow in his brow, “I didn’t know you two were so close,” he ventured carefully.

“I imagine there’s a lot you don’t know,” Sam responded coldly. Luke had betrayed them all - he’d been the one to spread lies about Allie and Will.

He was on Campbell’s side of things.

Sam had no interest in exchanging small talk regarding his relationship with Grizz with Luke.

Luke swallowed, averting his gaze, “Yeah. Guess so...” he muttered, turning his attention back to his sleeping friend and, for a second, Sam might’ve thought that Luke looked, well...

Devastated.

“He could’ve told me, you know,” Luke sniffed, and Sam almost missed it.

Sam stood still, keeping his expression as neutral as possible, “I don’t know what you mean,” he lied.

Luke glanced up at him, a single tear rolling slowly down his cheek. He wiped at it quickly, gruffly, and nodded, “Right. Yeah, of course not,” he shook his head, touching Grizz’s shoulder as he rose and moved toward the door, “Just...text me if anything changes. Please?”

“Yeah,” Sam breathed and, with that, Luke was gone.


	11. Breathe

Sam stayed while Grizz slept, not wanting to leave in case he woke up - he didn’t want him to wake up alone.

Kelly returned soon after Luke had left to replace Grizz’s IV, and Sam took it upon himself to clean up the room. Not only did he want to be sure to be there when Grizz woke up, he didn’t want him to wake up to all the carnage left over from his ordeal. He didn’t need the first thing he saw to be his blood soaked clothes and gauze.

He’d had more than enough trauma already. Sam wanted to make sure that there was nothing left to add to it, or remind him of it.

But, also, Sam just needed something to do to occupy himself while Grizz slept. He hadn’t really slowed down since everything had happened, and he was a bit afraid of what would happen when he did.

Kelly touched his shoulder gently to get his attention, “Are you okay?” she asked, offering a supportive, sweet smile.

Immediately, reflexively, Sam nodded.

“Sam…”

“I’m okay,” he assured her.

And, for now, while he kept himself otherwise occupied, he really was. Grizz was okay, the worst of it had passed, and Sam was okay.

At least for the time being.

He didn’t want to get into it all here, with Grizz a few feet away recovering from being really and truly near death. Grizz didn’t need to wake up to Sam’s emotional distress over what had happened to him - he had enough to deal with. He didn’t need that.

While he was here, and Grizz was there, Sam wanted to hold himself together.

He wasn’t sure that would be entirely possible if he allowed himself to open up to Kelly.

“I’m going to stay with him,” Sam blurted when Kelly turned to go.

She looked back at him, simply tilting her head ever so slightly, “Like...overnight?” she clarified.

Sam swallowed and nodded.

“Okay. Yeah, of course,” Kelly smiled, nodding, “We can roll a cot in here, or something - bring in another bed for you so you don’t have to sleep in that awful chair,” she laughed.

Sam wrung his hands together, nodding gratefully, “Okay. Thank you - for everything, I mean. For what you did.”

Kelly glanced down at her hands briefly, as though she still couldn’t believe what they’d done, and what she was capable of. When she looked back at him, she was smiling, her eyes wet with unshed tears, “It’s no problem. I’m glad I could help.”

And, with that, Kelly left, and Sam was once again left alone with Grizz.

He finished cleaning quickly - quicker than he would have liked, if he were to be honest. The last thing he did was gather Grizz’s coats and sweaters up off of the floor.

His hands shook as he lifted his t-shirt off of the ground and saw, for the first time, just how much blood had stained it. When he’d been there, in the forest, in the moment, keeping pressure on the wound, there had still been another layer preventing him from really seeing the full extent of the damage that had been done.

Grizz’s poor, worn, grey t-shirt was a testament to just how close he’d come to bleeding to death. The shirt was almost entirely soaked, permanently stained a deep, rusted red.

Sam felt sick.

He threw the shirt, along with everything else, into the nearest trash can, immediately tying the bag shut so that he wouldn’t have to look at it anymore.

When he turned to look at Grizz, he was surprised to see Grizz looking back at him.

“Hi,” Grizz mumbled, lazily signing the word.

Sam reached out to pull the chair closer to the bed so that he could sit with him. He gave the brunette a stern look, “You should be sleeping. You need to rest,” he scolded gently.

“I slept - S’called a power nap,” Grizz argued tiredly, “They say that the optimal nap length is, like...ten minutes or something like that.”

Sam quirked an eyebrow, “You need more than a nap. You need to _rest_ and _recover_ ,” he insisted, signing the two most important points emphatically - just to make sure he got that across in two languages, to really hammer his point home.

“I _am_ resting. I can talk and rest at the same time.”

“Grizz - “

“ _Sam,_ ” Grizz mocked and, frankly, the slurred, almost drunken way he was speaking only further proved that Sam was right. Grizz had lost a lot of blood, and he was clearly still a bit delirious from it.

But the brunette was also struggling to keep his eyes open, even as they argued, so, Sam simply sighed and reached out to toy with his hair. He’d fall asleep again in time, he was just being a stubborn idiot.

Sam’s favourite kind of idiot.

He bit his lip, eyes raking over Grizz’s still pale features, “You scared me, you know,” he pointed out quietly.

Grizz’s eyes softened, “I’m sorry.”

“You should be,” Sam teased half-heartedly, wiping at a stray tear that had managed to escape. He shook his head, then, not wanting to joke about it yet - Becca had always told him that he had the worst comedic timing, “It’s not your fault,” he assured him, not wanting Grizz to feel guilty about being hurt.

“I know, but - “

Sam shook his head, “No ‘but,’” he smiled, “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

Grizz returned his smile as his eyes fluttered shut, “M’not going to sleep,” he informed him, “Just resting my eyes.”

Sam laughed, “Okay,” he cooed fondly, humouring him as he brushed his thumb over his cheek, “Grizz?”

Grizz lifted his hands to sign ‘What?’

Sam’s smile only grew at that.

“Would it be okay if Becca brought Eden by?”

Grizz opened his eyes, turning to Sam with a slight frown, “Of course it’s okay - why wouldn’t it be okay?”

Sam shrugged, “I know it’s weird for you. I’d like to see her, but I didn’t want to just assume - “

Grizz attempted to sit up a bit and very clearly immediately regretted it as he fell back against the pillow, “Oh my God, fuck _me_ \- “

Sam’s eyes widened and he rose slightly to grasp Grizz’s shoulders to keep him from trying again, “Careful!” he scolded sharply.

“I know, _I know_ \- that was stupid. I just…forgot for a sec,” he murmured, taking deep, shaky breaths.

“You _forgot_ that you got shot?!”

“Okay, we’ve _both_ forgotten pretty significant things in the heat of the moment, alright?” Grizz reminded him, and Sam sat back down, conceding, because he wasn’t wrong, “I just...she’s your _daughter_ , Sam. The fact that you’d even think that I’d have a problem with you wanting to _see_ your _baby_...” Grizz shook his head.

Sam immediately shook his head, “That’s not what I meant. I don’t think that - I don’t think that at all. I just didn’t want to upset you,“ he explained.

Grizz made sure to catch Sam’s eye properly before he spoke, “You have got to stop worrying about upsetting people, Sam,” he insisted, squeezing his hand, “For the record: I’d fucking love to play with a freaking baby right now. Babies are great and I need a distraction. I think I’ve earned some good, quality baby time. I’ll be more upset if you _don’t_ get Becca to bring Eden down here. How’s that?”

Sam beamed, tears rolling freely down his cheek, and he stood so that he could lean over to kiss Grizz firmly, “I’m so glad you didn’t die.”

Grizz chuckled, “Me, too.”

They were quiet after that. Sam held Grizz’s hand and toyed with his hair soothingly until he fell back asleep, then fired off a text to Becca.

**Sam:** _grizz is gonna be ok._

**Becca:** _thank god. what about you? how are you holding up? do you need anything?_

Sam smiled at the message.

He’d told Becca about Grizz after that day in the hospital - when Grizz had come to tell them about the expedition and Sam had insisted upon going with him. He just hadn’t had the chance to tell Grizz yet.

Becca had been horrified, at first. Not about the relationship itself, but because she thought she’d screwed everything up for him. _Then_ she’d swatted him repeatedly for not telling her sooner - for being a fucking idiot, as she so delicately put it, and just assuming that he already knew how she would react.

Once she’d calmed down, she begrudgingly congratulated him on snagging himself football player (one of the only two good ones, she had pointed out).

“Perfect Christian virgin my ass,” she’d grumbled, signing the words with a cheeky smile.

Sam had grinned and shrugged in response, “Spoke too soon.”

“Yeah. You’ve kind of got a nasty habit of doing that,” she’d mused teasingly.

**Becca:** _sam?_

The vibration from the phone brought Sam out of his reverie and he quickly typed out a response.

**Sam:** _do you think you could bring eden by? we wanna see her_

**Becca:** _yeah, of course. I’ll bring you some rations, too._

**Sam:** _love and appreciate you._

**Becca:** _damn right._

Sam set the phone aside, then, and folded his free arm in front of him on Grizz’s bed, resting his chin on top of it and watching quietly while Grizz slept. He smiled softly to himself, his thumb moving absently over the back of the other man’s hand while he admired him.

Sam hadn’t really had a chance to just… _be_ with Grizz, or to properly wake up next to him. Slowly and sweetly, with him resting comfortably nearby.

He looked much younger when he slept - innocent and vulnerable. Sam hated that someone had hurt him.

He hated that that someone had been his brother.

Sam wanted to protect him. He wanted to be sure that Grizz could recover in peace, and ensure that he would never have to worry about Campbell ever again.

The entire time they’d been trapped in New Ham, Grizz had been protecting someone else - _everyone_ else.

It was time that someone looked after Grizz, for once.

He hadn’t realized that he’d dozed off until he was roused by a gentle hand on his back. Sam sniffed and sat up, checking to see if Grizz was still asleep, and blinking in confusion when he saw that he was very much awake.

Grizz smiled at him, “You have visitors,” he informed him, nodding behind him.

Sam turned to see Becca smiling down at him, Eden tucked in the crook of her arm, “Morning, sleepy head,” she teased.

Sam rubbed his eyes, “What time is it?” he murmured.

“Just after two,” Becca informed him. She turned away for a moment to set Eden in a crib that had seemingly materialized out of nowhere while he’d been sleeping (he assumed Kelly had brought it while he’d been asleep), “Are you hungry?” she signed once Eden was settled.

Sam nodded, glancing at Grizz, “You should eat,” he informed him.

Grizz wrinkled his nose, “I feel like shit.”

Becca had moved around the bed so that Sam would be able to see when she spoke and addressed Grizz, signing along for Sam’s sake, “It’ll probably make you feel better. Will made you some soup.”

“Just eat what you can,” Sam added.

Grizz sighed, but nodded, “Yeah, alright.”

Sam and Becca both moved in to help Grizz sit up, adjusting his bed to keep him upright, “Good?” Sam checked once he was up.

“Good,” Grizz assured him. He was breathing a little heavier, the movement clearly having been painful despite their best efforts to be gentle.

The three of them ate together, mostly in silence. Grizz didn’t eat as much as Sam would have liked, but he’d tried, and he’d eaten some, and that was enough for now. Sam didn’t want to push him too far, too soon.

With some difficulty, Grizz reached to set the container on the bedside table. Once he’d settled back in, he looked at Sam expectantly.

Sam finished chewing the last bite of his sandwich before he signed, “What?” he grinned. Grizz looked so much better already - his cheeks had color, and his eyes were brighter.

“Baby time,” he beamed.

“I didn’t know you liked kids so much,” Sam mused. It was incredibly charming, honestly, and it gave Sam hope that this could work - like maybe the four of them could become their own, unconventional version of a family.

Grizz shrugged, only moving his right shoulder, his left side still far too sore, “It never came up.”

“Do you think you would’ve wanted to be a dad someday, Grizz?” Becca asked.

“Oh, for sure, yeah. I’ve always wanted kids,” Grizz confirmed, and Sam and Becca shared a look. Grizz must’ve caught it, because he glanced between the pair and lifted his hands to sign while he spoke, “What?”

“So...this isn’t a deal breaker for you, then,” Becca concluded hopefully, “Sam being a dad, and all.”

Grizz’s eyebrows shot up in surprise and he looked to Sam for a moment before returning his attention to Becca, “You know? How long have you known?”

Becca offered a small smile, “Well, when Sam willingly volunteered to go on a hike with _Campbell_ , I sort of figured there had to be more to it. I’m not an idiot, you know - the two of you aren’t nearly as subtle as you think you are. If this is supposed to stay a secret, you might want to work on that.”

Sam watching while Becca signed along with her words, and he immediately knew that he had more to tell Grizz.

More people knew that just Becca.

“Harry knows,” Sam blurted, “Luke too, maybe.”

Grizz’s wide eyes turned on Sam, then, “ _Harry_ knows?”

“He was there with me when it happened. I thought you were going to die,” he explained sharply, “Hiding this from him wasn’t exactly at the top of my list of priorities.”

Grizz inhaled deeply, “Okay…” he murmured, more to himself than either of the others.

Sam watched him worriedly, knowing that coming out wasn’t something Grizz had intended to do in New Ham. He knew that this was going to be hard for him. He reached to take his hand, “I’m sorry,” he offered.

Grizz shook his head, “No - don’t be.”

“Luke seemed okay with it,” Sam continued carefully.

Grizz nodded, “Yeah…”

Sam was quiet. This wasn’t the time to burden Grizz with any of this. None of this mattered right now. He could deal with it however he wanted once he was healed.

“Baby time?” he suggested.

Grizz let out a long breath and nodded, “Yeah. Please,” he chuckled.

Sam smiled, leaning in to kiss Grizz’s temple before he went to retrieve Eden from her crib, cooing fondly at her and kissing her cheeks before he brought her to see Grizz, who tried to reach for her, wincing.

“Let me,” Sam chastised, and Grizz sat back once again and let Sam come around to settle eden against his chest, tucked into the crook of his right arm.

It was the first time Sam had ever seen Grizz hold Eden, and it was a lot, to say the least.

She had always seemed so unbelievably small to Sam but, compared to Grizz, she looked so incredibly fragile and tiny that he could hardly stand it - and she was staring up at this new person with such wonder that it tugged relentlessly at Sam’s heartstrings.

To make matters so much worse for Sam’s poor, weak heart, Grizz stared right back at her with nearly the same reverence, his lips curled up in a soft smile while he spoke to her. He touched her cheeks, and played with her hands. He laughed when Eden’s tiny fingers wrapped around a single one of Grizz’s.

Becca took Sam’s hand in hers while they stood nearby, watching the pair get better acquainted, and Grizz beamed up at them, “She’s strong,” he grinned.

Sam nodded, “Like her mom.”

“And dad,” Grizz added without hesitation, and Sam felt a twinge of guilt over lying to Grizz about Eden’s parentage.

“She’s awesome,” Grizz muttered, turning his attention back to the tiny being in his arms.

“Yeah, we kinda like her,” Becca agreed playfully, releasing Sam’s hand so that she could sign properly.

Sam didn’t want to lie to Grizz about anything. He liked him - _really_ liked him, and the last thing he wanted was to allow anything more to come between them.

But Becca was one of the most important people in his life. Becca was his real family. Telling Grizz the truth wasn’t Sam’s decision to make, because the truth couldn’t hurt Sam the way it would hurt Becca.

This was Becca’s secret to tell, and Sam wasn’t about to out her secret to anyone.

Not even Grizz.

He just hoped that Grizz would forgive him for this lie, too.

And maybe, someday, Sam wouldn’t have to worry about begging for forgiveness at all - some day when there would be no more secrets left between them.

Becca took his hand again and squeezed it to get his attention, “You okay?” she signed silently.

Sam nodded, offering her a half-hearted smile.

He could tell that Becca wasn’t buying it.

“We’ll talk later. At home,” she insisted, still only signing while Grizz was distracted with Eden.

“I’m staying here tonight,” Sam informed her, speaking aloud.

Grizz glanced up, “You don’t have to do that,” he insisted.

“I’m staying,” Sam said again with finality, leaving no room for argument, and Grizz shook his head fondly before he turned his attention back to the baby.

“Tomorrow, then,” Becca concluded stubbornly, glaring up at him.

Sam sighed, then gave a nod of agreement, despite knowing that he had no intention of telling Becca the truth about what was eating away at him. The lies would continue to build, but, to Sam, it was necessary, because telling Grizz the truth about Eden _had_ to be Becca’s choice.

Sam didn’t want to say anything to influence that decision, lest she regret it and resent him for it later.

He just hoped she would grow to trust Grizz the way Sam did, because he didn’t know how much longer he would be okay with lying to him like this. He was terrified that the truth would come out some other way - maybe the real father would step forward - and Grizz would find out from someone other than Sam.

That would be devastating. How could Sam expect Grizz to continue to trust someone who had lied to him about something so monumental?

Grizz _deserved_ Sam’s honesty.

He just hoped Becca would feel the same way.


	12. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think i maybe need to put a trigger warning on this chapter? i'm not sure, but i want to be careful with this stuff, so, there's vague reference/depiction of post-traumatic stress in this chapter. just a heads up <3

The world didn’t stop turning just because Grizz had gotten hurt.

As much as Sam wanted to stay with Grizz twenty-four seven, it just wasn’t realistic or entirely necessary once he was out of the hospital.

There was no point in making him stay there once he’d recovered from the blood loss, and he was getting restless just lying in a hospital bed all day with no real source of entertainment. So, with the okay from Kelly and Gordie, they had moved Grizz back to Allie’s.

Still, Sam had been hovering. He could admit that, and he could kind of tell that it was starting to drive Grizz nuts to have him running around to make sure he didn’t strain himself doing the smallest, most insignificant things.

“It’s a _cut_ , Sam,” he insisted when he moved to get a coffee one morning, only to have Sam insist that he stay put while he went and made it for him, “I can make myself a cup of fucking coffee...”

He liked to do that, too, Sam noticed. He insisted upon downplaying the severity of what had happened to him.

He never called it what it was - he hadn’t once talked about being shot, or what had happened in the woods with Campbell that day. He only really referred to his injury as a cut or, when he was feeling particularly salty, a _scratch_.

Which absolutely infuriated Sam, because it was so far from being a simple _scratch_.

He was starting to worry about the fact that Grizz hadn’t talked to him about it, despite the fact that everyone was starting to notice that Grizz was always the first one up in the morning, and the last to fall asleep.

Some days, he seemed more himself. He would joke around with the others, flirt with Sam, read and lounge about.

On others, he would be withdrawn and jumpy. There had been numerous occasions in the week that followed when Sam would wake in the middle of the night to find Grizz missing, only to head downstairs and find him sitting on the couch, watching the front door, wringing his hands together.

“What are you doing?” Sam would ask, although he felt like he already knew.

Every time, Grizz would just shake his head and say that he couldn’t sleep.

Sam always knew it was about more than that.

On nights prior, Sam had just accepted this answer and told Grizz to come back to bed, taking his hand to lead him there.

Tonight was different. He looked worse tonight.

“He’s locked up in the cellar,” Sam reminded him gently, with the same patience he always had with Grizz, as he lowered himself onto the couch next to him.

Grizz toyed with his lip, shaking his head as he finally took his eyes off of the front door, “I know.”

Sam placed his hand against his back in an attempt to soothe him, but he withdrew it in alarm when Grizz startled at the contact.

Sam stared at him, wide eyed, before he carefully replaced his hand, “Talk to me,” he pleaded, because he’d been trying so hard to respect the space that Grizz needed - to give him time to relax and process what had happened to him, but with every passing day, he just seemed to get worse and worse and it had become so fucking clear to Sam that Grizz wasn’t okay.

Grizz sniffed, and when he met Sam’s gaze his eyes were full to the brim with unshed tears, yet his jaw was stubbornly set, and his eyes were hard and angry, “What do you want me to say?”

Sam shook his head, “I don’t know - anything,” he insisted, “Tell me what’s wrong so I can help you.”

Grizz scoffed, giving a humourless chuckle, “Help me how? You gonna follow me around all the time - check every dark fucking corner for me to make sure there are no monsters?” he shook his head, turning away from him, making it harder for Sam to read his lips in the dimly lit room, “C’mon, Sam.”

Sam’s chest was tight with emotion because, despite his anger, despite the way he was lashing out, Grizz was opening up. He was admitting that he was afraid of seeing Campbell everywhere he went, confirming Sam’s suspicions.

And Sam knew that feeling so well. He’d been there. He knew what that was like.

“If I have to,” Sam confirmed gently, rubbing Grizz’s back soothingly, because he wasn’t going anywhere, no matter how many times Grizz snapped at him, or tried to brush him off.

“That’s fucking ridiculous,” Grizz groaned, signing a little before he dropped his face into his hands.

Sam rested his chin on Grizz’s shoulder, kissing it sweetly, “I’m okay with ridiculous,” he assured him, “As long as it helps.”

He felt Grizz’s body shake with gentle tremors, and he realized that he was crying.

Sam immediately wrapped both arms around Grizz’s larger form and pulled him against him, holding him tighter when he felt the other boy’s arms wrap around his waist, clinging desperately to him, his face buried into his chest.

Sam pressed a kiss into Grizz’s hair, his own tears falling freely onto the dark strands, “I’ve got you,” he promised, because he didn’t know what else he could say to make this better. There were no words that could make this go away, because it had _happened_ , and Sam could only just begin to imagine how terrifying that moment must have been for Grizz.

He had only ever gotten glimpses of Campbell true, horrific potential - growing up with his merciless torment and verbal abuse, in the church when he’d held Cassandra at gunpoint.

He couldn’t imagine how it felt to be the one staring down the barrel of his brother’s gun.

He couldn’t imagine the pain Grizz must have been in while he was fighting for his life, bleeding profusely from the wound Campbell’s bullet had caused.

He couldn’t imagine that level of desperation and absolute, gut-wrenching fear he must’ve felt, knowing at any second Campbell might get the upper hand and finish what he started.

Sam had never been faced with the imminent possibility of his own death. He’d always been afraid of Campbell, yes, but never quite to that extent. Never in those circumstances.

Sitting there in the dark, on Allie’s couch, holding Grizz while he sobbed because he couldn’t sleep or rest or relax because he couldn’t get visions of Campbell out of his head, because he was too afraid that the demon would come for them, Sam knew that he had never, ever, in his entire life, hated anyone more than he hated Campbell Eliot.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The following morning, once he’d finally managed to lull Grizz back to sleep, Sam sat at the kitchen table, waiting for Allie.

He was so angry. He was so angry about everything that had happened. He was so angry that it had happened to Grizz, of all people, and he was so fucking angry at Allie for not listening to him and stopping Campbell when she had the chance.

She paused when she bounded off the final stair into the dining room and saw Sam sitting at the table, “Morning,” she ventured warily.

Sam’s hands shook as he signed, “I warned you,” he swallowed thickly.

Allie approached the table cautiously, “What?”

“I fucking warned you about Campbell - I _told you_ this would happen, Allie. I _told you_ ,” he paused, a lump forming in his throat, eyes burning familiarly as they welled with frustrated, heartbroken tears.

Allie’s entire being softened. She pulled out the chair next to him, “Sam - “

“Is this the only way to get through to you? How many people have to die before you start listening?”

Allie’s jaw clenched, a tear rolling down her cheek, “I know you’re upset,” she reasoned, reaching to touch his wrist, “Believe me. I know. And I’m _sorry_ \- “ she paused, like she’d choked on the word, and Sam watched as she took a deep breath, composing herself, “I’m sorry,” she began again, “I didn’t have a choice, Sam. I didn’t. There was nothing I could do. If I’d have known that any of this would happen…” she trailed off.

She shook her head, “I care about Grizz, too,” she reminded him, “And believe me when I say that we won’t let his get away with this.”

“I want to see him,” Sam informed her flatly. He wanted to believe her promises, but she’d let him down once before when it came to Campbell.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“I don’t care what you think,” Sam snapped, “I want to see my brother,” he paused, inhaling deeply, “I _need_ to see him. You of all people should understand that.”

Allie’s jaw clenched, “It’s not the same,” she murmured.

Sam swallowed, warring with himself about what to say to make Allie understand that it was more similar than she knew. She didn’t know just how close Sam and Grizz had become. She didn’t know that they were so much more than friends - that he wasn’t just some random person Sam knew who had gotten hurt.

He wasn’t just another victim of the violence that ran rampant in New Ham.

“He’s important to me,” Sam ventured cautiously, “Grizz. I care about him. And someone I love tried to kill him.“

Allie quirked an eyebrow, “You like him,” Allie concluded. Maybe she didn’t fully understand the extent of it but she knew, at least, that Sam had feelings for Grizz.

Sam shifted in his seat. Part of him was relieved that he hadn’t fully outed Grizz, but the rest of him wanted her to know that it was so much more than just a misdirected crush.

For Grizz’s sake, however, Sam simply nodded, “A lot,” he confirmed.

Allie sighed, “Believe me when I tell you that it doesn’t help. There’s no...you’re not going to get the answers you want. Especially not from Campbell, Sam. You know that. He’s never going to apologize for it. He won’t give you an inch. Given the chance, he’d do it all over again.”

Sam nodded, “I know. I just...I need him to know that he lost. I want to be the one to tell him just how fucked he is.”

The corner of Allie’s mouth twitched upward slightly, “We don’t know what we’re doing with him yet,” she cautioned, “Grizz is going to be okay. It’s not as black and white as it was with Dewey.”

“That’s alright,” Sam shrugged, “I just want to see him squirm.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sam’s heart was pounding as Allie led him down the stairs toward Luke’s dad’s wine cellar. He knew that he’d asked for this, and he still wanted it, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t terrified. He didn’t know what would happen when he saw Campbell.

He hadn’t seen him since that day in the forest.

Sam wanted to be strong, and intimidating, but he was afraid that he’d crumble the second he saw his brother.

He knew all too well how Campbell could be - how dangerous his words were.

When they reached the bottom of the stairs, Sam’s eyes widened when he saw that they’d left _Jason_ in charge of guarding their prisoner.

Jason, who had willingly joined sides with Campbell.

He turned to glare at Allie, “Seriously?!” he signed furiously.

How could she be so fucking careless? To leave Campbell in the hands of those who had followed him, who had been so easily turned on to his ideals once before. People who could _easily_ be coerced again.

“It’s okay. He chose the wrong target - he’s completely lost their trust,” Allie explained, signing along with her words, missing the odd one now and then, “Jason _loves_ Grizz - and we haven’t been able to leave Clark alone with him for more than five minutes without running into...problems. Trust me, Sam. They’re the right guys for this job.”

Sam wanted to ask more about what had happened with Clark, but he refrained, turning his attention back to Jason, who had risen from his seat, “Hey, Sam,” he muttered bashfully, “How’s Grizz?”

“He’ll be okay,” Sam assured him, but he wasn’t willing to give him much more than that. Not yet.

Jason gave a nod, “Cool. That’s good.”

Sam almost left it at that, “You should come visit him. If you want,” he blurted, figuring that it might be good for Grizz to see his friends. They were idiots, yes, but idiots made a great distraction.

Grizz needed to get out of his head for a while.

Jason offered an uncertain smile, “Yeah, maybe. I’ll, uh...I’ll think about it.”

Sam made his best effort to smile back.

Jason glanced at Campbell, “You here to see him?”

“Yeah, I need to talk to him. Alone.”

The football player’s expression hardened, “I can’t let you do that, man.”

Allie interjected and, though Sam missed exactly what she’d said, she managed to get Jason to stand down, “I’ll be just around the corner if he tries anything. Alright?”

Sam nodded, “Yeah.”

Allie and Jason left him, then, heading up the stairs to give Sam the privacy he wanted, but not venturing too far. Sam took comfort in knowing that they were still close by if he needed them.

When Sam finally turned his attention to his brother, Campbell was standing by the glass, smiling eerily back at him.

“Was wondering when you were gonna stop by,” he signed.

Sam stepped closer, staring at him, seeing him more clearly than he ever had - really and truly seeing the monster that had been lurking beneath the surface, just waiting to be set free.

“When’s the funeral?” Campbell continued with a smirk when Sam didn’t respond to his initial prodding.

Sam’s eyes narrowed, “There won’t be a funeral.”

Campbell blinked, his smile faltering, “Really.”

Sam nodded, “He’s home. He’s going to make a full recovery. I wanted to be the one to tell you that.”

“You think I care if he lives or dies?” Campbell scoffed, shaking his head, “Visser’s a fucking guard dog, Sam. I just figured he needed a little reminder of that,” he held Sam’s gaze, his smile returning when he saw the wetness in his brother’s eyes, “Can’t imagine he’ll be stepping out of line again any time soon.”

He licked his lips, moving even closer still - so close that he was nearly pressed against the glass, “Do you think he dreams about me? He probably sees my fucking face every time he closes his eyes. He’s never gonna be the same - you know that, right? Dead or alive, he’s done. Game over.”

Sam shook his head, rejecting every poisonous word, “You’re wrong,” he breathed.

Campbell tilted his head, considering him, “No. No, I’m not. I can see it on your face. He’s fucked up, isn’t he? How bad is it, huh? Has he left the house yet?”

Sam swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat, “Grizz is going to be fine,” he reiterated stubbornly, “I can’t say the same for you. I’ll make sure of that.”

“Oh, yeah?” Campbell grinned, “How you gonna do that, hm? What’s the punishment for misfiring a weapon? Because that’s all that happened, you know. I brought the gun for protection, Visser and I went to find food, and it misfired.”

“You’re so full of shit - “

“And you’ve got no proof.”

“We have Grizz.”

Campbell shook his head, “His word against mine. Not good enough. Just like it wasn’t good enough with Dewey.”

Sam had always, _always_ known that Campbell had been involved in Cassandra’s death. That had never been in question.

But to hear him talk about it so frankly was chilling. Campbell never ceased to make Sam’s hair stand on end.

“I’m not afraid of you,” Sam informed him, “I won’t let you continue to hurt the people I love - “

“ _Love_?” Campbell cackled, “Jesus Christ - you’ve known the guy for, what, five minutes?”

Sam didn’t - couldn’t - dignify Campbell’s digs with a response. Campbell didn’t understand. He could _never_ understand how Sam felt about Grizz. He was incapable of it.

“All my life you’ve taken things from me, and kept me from people and things that I wanted, because I was always too afraid to get in your way,” Sam continued, eyes burning with a stubborn fire that Sam was sure his brother had never seen from him before, “Not this time. Not him.”

Campbell shifted - not in fear or uncertainty, but in interest, “About damn time, little brother,” he signed in approval, “I’ve been waiting.”

Sam hated having Campbell’s approval on anything.

“This’ll be fun,” Campbell stated, beaming at him through the glass. He waited for Sam to say more before he continued, “Was that it? Are we done?”

“For now.”

Campbell’s smile only grew, “Fantastic.”


	13. The Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey so uh...whoops?
> 
> (for real, though, i love this fic and i'm gonna do my best to wrap this baby up properly - i'm sorry i lost it for a second there <3)

Grizz woke to an empty bed.

Which wasn’t necessarily a cause for alarm, despite the fact that he was usually up long before Sam was able to drag himself out of bed.

He’d been sleeping like shit ever since he’d left the hospital. Between the nightmares and the anxiety, Grizz was lucky if he managed to sneak in more than a few hours of real, deep sleep a night. He would constantly be drifting in and out of consciousness, having to get up to walk around, to grab a drink, to do _something_ to work off this weird, nervous energy he felt before he could return to bed to try again.

Last night had been better. Sam’s comforts had worked wonders, and Grizz had slept better than he had in days, and perhaps that was why he woke up alone - because he needed to catch up on sleep. He had no idea what time it was. Maybe it was much later than he thought.

A large part of him just wanted to stay in bed. In a fucked up sort of way, it had been nice to have an excuse to take a step back from all the shit he’d been trying to deal with before the incident in the forest.

Before he’d been shot.

He needed to start acknowledging what had happened - that’s what Becca had told him. That he had to deal with it.

Acknowledge and deal with it.

It wasn’t healthy to avoid it - avoiding it just fed into his anxieties and built it all up until it became this looming monster, lurking in the dark corners of his psyche, preventing him from properly moving forward.

In order to begin to deal with it, in order to begin to get better, Grizz needed to get out of bed. He needed to move. He needed to get back to a normal routine - whatever that meant for him in this fucked up world.

Bearing this in mind, and with a deep sigh, Grizz climbed out of bed, only wincing slightly at the uncomfortable tug in his side. It was getting better with each passing day, and he honestly couldn’t wait until he could get those damn stitches taken out.

Sure, the entire area was sore as hell, but the _stitches_...

They were the worst part by far. Grizz could deal with pain, but the feeling of the stitches tugging at his skin, holding him together, was nauseating.

After stretching to the best of his ability, Grizz threw his hair up into the best bun he could manage at this awkward hair length and padded downstairs to where he assumed the rest of the house’s occupants would be gathered for breakfast.

Upon reaching the dining room, Grizz was surprised to not that Allie was sat alone at the dining room table table, nursing a steaming cup of tea, her eyes red and puffy.

“Hey,” Grizz murmured gently, “You okay?”

Allie wiped stubbornly at her tears and nodded, “Yeah. Just…” she shook her head, “Everything’s so fucked up.”

Grizz pulled up a chair next to her, “Things have always been fucked up,” he reminded her.

She gave a humourless chuckle, “Is that supposed to be comforting?”

He grinned half-heartedly, “Maybe. I just mean...we’ve dealt with fucked up before, right? We got through it.”

“Yeah…”

Grizz watched her as she stared at her mug, and he reached to take her tiny hand in his when she kept anxiously picking at the side, “Listen,” he ventured tentatively, “If you ever need to, like...talk about what happened - what they did to you…”

She sniffed, shaking her head, “They didn’t do anything to me,” she insisted.

“Allie - “

“Do _you_ want to talk about it? What he did to you?” she countered, glaring fiercely back at him.

Grizz swallowed and shook his head, “Not really.”

“Okay then.”

Grizz sighed, “But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t.”

Allie closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, “I just need to deal with this first. We need to deal with him, get everything back on track, _then_ we can deal with our emotional shit. I just can’t afford to do it now. We’ve got to fight. We need to fix this.”

“Agreed,” he nodded.

Allie considered him, eyes softening, “We’re going to need you to testify against him,” she warned.

Grizz’s heart hammered in his chest, “I can do that.”

“You have to.”

“I will,” he assured her again. He’d always known that he would have to do it - that he would have to publicly speak about what had happened that day in the woods. This wasn’t a surprise to him, but that didn’t make the reality of it any less daunting.

Allie squeezed his hand and nodded, “We’re gonna get him this time,” she promised.

Grizz swallowed, then released Allie’s hand, clearing his throat. He didn’t know what to say to that - he didn’t know exactly what she wanted to hear. He didn’t even know what _he_ thought.

He was terrified.

He hoped she was right. But he also understood all too well what _getting him_ would mean and, even now, even after everything that had transpired, the idea of execution didn’t sit well with him.

He’d been such an advocate for it once upon a time, but after witnessing it first hand with Dewey…

He’d never been able to forget that awful fucking silence after the final shots had been fired…

It sent a shiver down his spine.

“Have you seen Sam?” he blurted, wanting to get out of his head. At this point, Grizz had decided that he didn’t care what people thought or suspected. He just wanted Sam. He just wanted to be with him. He didn’t want to hide. He didn’t want to keep Sam or himself a secret anymore.

It just wasn’t worth it. Life was so fucking short.

Allie tilted her head, “He went to see Campbell,” she explained.

Grizz’s gaze snapped back to hers, “He did what?”

“I took him to see him. He insisted - “

“Where is he now?”

“I don’t know. Still at Luke’s, last I saw him.”

“What do you mean you don’t know - Allie, Campbell’s dangerous!”

Allie narrowed her eyes, “You don’t think I know that? He’ll be fine. Jason’s with him.”

“You - “ Grizz’s nostrils flared, “You left _Sam_ alone with _Campbell and Jason_? In _Luke’s_ cellar? Are you out of your fucking mind?”

Grizz rose from the table, knocking his chair back gruffly and heading for the door while Allie protested.

“Grizz, it’s _fine_. The guard - “

But he didn’t hear the rest of what she said - he didn’t care to. Allie knew that the guard had sided with Campbell once before. Who was to say that they weren’t still on his side? That they wouldn’t do it again?

He didn’t know exactly what had gone down after he’d been shot. The journey back to New Ham was a complete blur, if he were to be honest, and he’d never really asked how they’d managed to get him home again. He hadn’t cared to relive the experience.

As far as Grizz was concerned, Jason and Clark were still threats. Luke was still on the wrong side. Campbell still had sway over them. Leaving Sam alone with those guys was dangerous - careless.

Grizz jogged the distance between Allie’s and Luke’s as best as he could, as fast as he could, given his injury. His entire body was aching by the time he jogged up the driveway.

He banged insistently on the door. Luke opened it, blinking in surprise, “Grizz? What are you doing here?”

“Sam here?” he stepped inside, not waiting for an invitation, and headed toward the stairs to the wine cellar.

“Yeah, but - “

“Thanks,” Grizz called, taking the stairs two at a time as he made his way down to Campbell’s make-shift prison. He heard voices as he descended, neither of which belonged to Campbell Eliot.

When he reached the bottom of the stairs, Sam and _Clark_ immediately turned to glance up at him from where they sat, watching their prisoner.

Sam was the first to stand, brow furrowed deeply, “What are you doing here?” he signed furiously, “You should be resting!”

“What am I doing here - what are _you_ doing here?!”

Sam gestured toward the vault, “Visiting,” he explained, the corners of his mouth twitching upward in some semblance of a smile.

_A smile_.

Confused, Grizz turned his attention toward the prisoner, holding his breath, unsure what would happen when he saw Campbell again.

To his surprise, the villain in question was gagged and crudely bound with what appeared to be fresh blood dripping from his nose.

“What…” Grizz muttered, unable to take his eyes off of the furious monster glaring back at him.

“I like him better this way,” Clark stated proudly, rising to stand with Sam and Grizz, arms folded across his chest.

Grizz glanced over at his former teammate, “You did this?”

Clark shrugged, “It was his idea,” he admitted, nudging Sam, who grinned sheepishly.

Grizz was unsure how he felt. On the one hand, it was Campbell, and Grizz knew just how dangerous Campbell could be, how poisonous his words were. He felt little sympathy for the elder Eliot.

But still…

“I don’t...isn’t this, uhm…” he swallowed, voice catching.

“Grizz…?” Sam murmured, moving to block Grizz’s view of his attacker.

Grizz frowned down at Sam - patient, gentle Sam. He’d never imagined that Sam would hurt a fly, let alone his own brother, “Why?” he signed, and maybe that was a stupid question, because Sam wrinkled his nose, tilting his head as he lifted his hands to respond.

Clark beat him to it.

“That fucker shot you,” he reminded him, blunt as ever, voice full of thinly veiled disdain and rage, “He’s lucky that this is all we did to him. Seriously, bro, you just say the word and he’s fucking dog meat, dude, I _swear_. I don’t give a shit about Allie’s fucking rules. He tried to kill you.”

Grizz closed his eyes, “I remember, Clark,” he snapped, “I was there.”

Sam reached to take Grizz’s hand, squeezing it reassuringly, “He doesn’t mean it.”

“Yes, I do,” Clark argued stubbornly.

Grizz opened his eyes to see the warning glare that Sam shot in Clark’s direction.

“No one’s killing anyone,” Sam promised, turning his gaze back to Grizz.

“Not without a trial, at least,” Grizz muttered flatly.

“I call dibs when Allie comes back with the verdict,” Clark snarled and Grizz stared wide-eyed at him.

“You _joined_ him. You’re on his side - ”

“No, I’m on _your_ side. Not his, not Allie’s. _Yours_ ,” Clark insisted, holding Grizz gaze intently, “I’ve got your back. Right, Sam?”

Sam didn’t respond. Grizz doubted he even knew that Clark had addressed him, because Sam was studying Grizz so intently that Grizz was sure that he’d be able to see his every thought and know _exactly_ what he was feeling before Grizz even knew it himself.

And still, Sam held his hand tightly, “You shouldn’t be here,” Sam muttered, and, this time, he wasn’t scolding. There was heartbreak in his voice, in his softened features.

Sam was worried about him.

Grizz swallowed thickly, eyes burning as he fought back tears, “I don’t want anyone to kill him for me,” he stated, voice breaking.

“Dude - “

Grizz shook his head, “I don’t want you to have to do that,” he insisted, glancing over at his friend - because he supposed they really were friends, when it came down to it, “I’m not gonna put that on you.”

Clark frowned, “You’re not putting anything on me. I wanna do it.”

Grizz sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Clark.”

“I do!”

“Yeah, well, maybe that’s exactly why you fucking shouldn’t,” Grizz snapped, and silence fell heavily over the trio, Clark blinking, brow furrowed, as he considered what Grizz meant by that.

Grizz looked back at Sam, a single, stubborn tear escaping and cascading down his cheek. Sam reached up to catch it with the pad of his thumb.

“Can we go? Please?” Grizz asked - pleaded, really.

Sam nodded, “Yeah.”

Grizz turned, tugging Sam along behind him. He heard Sam call back to Clark, telling him not to do anything stupid, before they disappeared around the corner and ascended from the depths of the cellar.

Luke was waiting at the top, concern etched into his features when he saw Grizz, “What’d he do?” he asked immediately.

Grizz shook his head, “Don’t leave Clark alone with him,” he murmured.

Luke gave a nod, “Yeah, that’s, uh...sort of been the general rule,” he admitted, shrugging sheepishly.

Grizz wasn’t really sure what to make of that.

“Right,” he muttered, then said nothing more as he lead Sam out of the house and back toward his own home - not Allie’s.

His.

“They came through for you, you know,” Sam spoke after they’d been walking in silence for a block or two.

“Who?” Grizz signed.

“The Guard. I know they have their issues, but they came through for you. They carried you back. They saved your life.”

“ _You_ saved my life,” Grizz corrected stubbornly.

“Grizz,” Sam stopped, making Grizz turn to face him properly, “We wouldn’t have been able to get you home if it weren’t for them. You would’ve died, with or without me there.”

“What’s your point, Sam?”

Sam stared up at him, reaching to cup his face in his hands, “Just...give them the benefit of the doubt on this one. They’re idiots, but those idiots fucking _love_ you. They’re on our side. For now, at least. Maybe that’s good enough.”

Grizz sighed, “And what happens when this blows over? When I’m better, and Campbell’s…” he shook his head, “What happens when they don’t have shit like this to knock some fucking sense into them? Then what? Killing people can’t be the answer every single time something goes wrong - that’s fucking insane.”

Sam gave a small, hesitant shrug, “I know, I know. We’ll figure it out. We’ll deal with that when we get there.”

He licked his lips, pressing closer and wrapping his arms tightly around Grizz’s shoulders, “But, right now, I need you to worry about _you_ for a second, not about what everyone else is doing, or what happens next. Okay?”

Grizz closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Sam’s waist, nodding his head silently.

“I’ve got you,” Sam promised.

Grizz pulled back, resting his forehead against Sam’s for a moment before he moved far enough back for Sam to be able to read his lips, “I know,” he murmured.

Sam smiled, leaning in to kiss him sweetly, “I didn’t mean to upset you,” he breathed.

Grizz frowned, “What do you mean?”

“Campbell,” he signed, “Tying him up. And the gag. He was just saying all of these awful things about you, and what he did, and I just wanted him to stop, and then Clark must’ve overheard something because all of the sudden he was there, and he took a swing at him before I even realized - “

“Clark’s got impulse control issues - that’s not on you,” Grizz pointed out.

“But the gag was my idea,” Sam admitted, “I know it bothered you.”

“It’s just…It’s a slippery slope.”

Sam frowned.

“I just don’t want what happened to me to, like...affect you, too.”

Sam blinked, his frown deepening, his gaze hardening, “What are you talking about? Of course it’s going to affect me! You’re important to me. You _know_ that. I might...”

He hesitated, eyes flicking back and forth over Grizz’s features.

“I might fucking love you, you know,” he admitted, signing pointedly as he barely even breathed the words aloud.

Grizz stared down at him, because, “What?”

“It’s crazy, I know, but I mean...you almost died, and it just made me think: who fucking cares about crazy anymore? So, yeah. I probably love you. I do. I love you. So,” he shrugged, and it was just so fucking _Sam_ to just blatantly and confidently state his love like it was some kind of challenge - like he dared Grizz to question it.

As if he ever would.

Instead, Grizz swooped in to press his lips against the redhead’s, tugging Sam’s body against his and holding him as tightly as he possibly could while they kissed because, Christ, he’d wanted Sam for _years_ and now Sam fucking _loved him_ and somehow _that_ was just the craziest fucking thing he’d ever heard.

Which was really saying something, given their current circumstances.

“You’re really not gonna say it back?” Sam teased between kisses, lips curling upward into the brightest smile Grizz had ever seen.

Grizz chuckled, shaking his head fondly as he lifted his hands to sign, “Of course I love you,” tacking on a fondly uttered, “Asshole,” onto the end just for good measure as he leaned in to pick up where he left off, because he wasn’t quite ready to stop kissing him just yet.


	14. The Roommate

Grizz was becoming convinced that there was no better place to be than tangled up with Sam in a house all to themselves.

He was all for sharing resources, he understood the necessity, but this was just…

Complete and utter bliss. It was peace that Grizz had never known - not in West Ham or New Ham.

He never wanted to go back to Allie’s.

They had just said that they loved each other, and Grizz was grateful to have this time to be alone with Sam - to just be together, laid out between the sheets, their bodies intertwined, limbs tangled, Sam’s arms folded over his chest, chin resting atop of them as he smiled up at him. Grizz smiled back, touching his cheek.

“You’ve got the best smile,” he muttered, and he was rewarded by having that smile widen to its full, blinding potential.

“Debatable,” Sam signed.

Grizz shook his head, “Not at all.”

Sam chewed his lip, eyes flicking back and forth between Grizz’s eyes and lips, “It’s weird to think that we might not have found each other if none of this had ever happened,” he murmured, hands instinctively fluttering to sign along with the words he spoke aloud for Grizz’s benefit, “It doesn’t feel right - imagining a world without you. Without this,” he mused softly.

A fond smile spread across Grizz’s lips, “I still would’ve been in that world,” he pointed out.

“Yeah, but you wouldn’t have been mine,” Sam corrected.

“I would’ve,” Grizz assured him, signing fluidly, “You just wouldn’t have known.”

Sam’s brow furrowed and he raised himself up slightly, “You really would have just gone off to college and never said anything?”

Grizz swallowed, looking back at Sam in all his freckled glory, with that dazzling smile, his sharp sense of humour, and shook his head, “Yeah,” he admitted shamefully, hating the word - the admission itself - because he knew it made him a coward.

And he, too, hated to imagine that version of this world in which he’d missed out on _this_ because he was too afraid to be honest with his peers and his parents.

Too afraid of what they would do, or say, or think.

“I hate that,” Sam stated.

“Yeah, I’m not the biggest fan of it, either,” Grizz shrugged, “But it’s the truth. Back there - in the real world - my parents were just…” he shook his head, “I just had to wait until I didn’t have to rely on them so much, you know? I needed them. Or...at least I thought I did.”

Sam nodded, “I know,” he murmured, kissing his chest softly - an act of comfort.

Grizz smiled, running his fingers lightly up and down the other boy’s spine, “Besides,” he grinned once Sam was looking at him again, “You were always too good for me anyway.”

Sam snorted, “Fuck off.”

“I’m serious!”

Sam chewed his lip, tilting his head thoughtfully, “And you were out of my league.”

Grizz frowned, “What are you talking about?”

Sam quirked a disbelieving brow, “Come on. Big star football player, lady killer - “

“That was for show,” Grizz interrupted.

Sam waved him off, “You fit in. Everyone loved you, and I was just…”

“...just what?”

“There,” he shrugged simply, “Around.”

Grizz was quiet, guilt curling in his gut. He never felt like he _fit in_. Not always, at least, “It was all pointless,” he murmured, “None of that matters now. It barely mattered back then - we all just thought it did.”

Sam hummed and closed his eyes for a moment, nestling in against Grizz’s chest once again while Grizz absently rubbed his back. He wished they could stay here - live here, in this house, away from Allie, the Guard, Campbell.

Away from all of it. Grizz didn’t want to deal with it, but he knew that it would always find them - _reality_ would always come crashing in, and moments like these were always going to be meant to be stolen and fleeting.

This couldn’t last forever.

Sam had a family to go home to.

Grizz had a responsibility.

He tapped Sam’s shoulder, prompting the redhead to glance up at him expectantly, “I might stay here for a while,” he muttered.

Sam frowned, “Why?” he signed.

“I think I need, like...some space. From everything. Just to figure things out.”

“Okay…” Sam ventured tentatively, moving to sit up.

Grizz realized, then, how his words might have come across, “Oh, no - no. Shit. Not like that. Not from you,” he assured him, wrapping his arms around his waist to keep him close, “Not from you.”

Sam visibly relaxed and settled back down, running his hand down Grizz’s side, waiting patiently for him to elaborate.

Grizz licked his lips, “Allie needs me to testify against Campbell.”

He felt the way Sam’s body tensed up at the mention of his brother, although he kept his expression as neutral as possible, his brow softening, “That makes sense.”

“Yeah,” Grizz murmured. He cleared his throat, swallowing thickly, “I’m worried about what’ll happen if they convict him.”

“ _When_ they convict him.”

“Yeah,” Grizz conceded, stomach turning uneasily, “Do you think they’ll execute him like Dewey? I didn’t die - he didn’t technically kill anyone.”

“Maybe not, but he tried. That’s enough.”

“Right, but it’s not as black and white as it was with Dewey. There’s no body. There are no witnesses, no proof of anything. And if he is convicted, and they decide to execute him…” he paused, shaking his head, “I don’t know. I hate the idea of your brother being killed because of me.”

Sam was quiet, “You almost died because of him. If you’re asking me to choose, I pick you.”

“I’m not - I’d never ask you to do that.”

“All the more reason why I should,” he smiled, crawling up to hover with his face mere inches from Grizz’s. He reached up to tuck a rogue strand of dark hair back off of his face, “I love you,” he murmured, and the words sent a chill down Grizz’s spine - he’d never get tired of hearing them, “I want you to be safe. I can’t have that if Campbell walks free.”

“I hate that,” Grizz whispered in return, chest tight with conflicting emotions as he parroted Sam’s earlier sentiments about who they’d once been back at him.

“I know,” Sam cooed.

He leaned in, then, and kissed him softly, sweetly, and deeply. Grizz never wanted to hurt Sam. The last thing in the world he wanted to do was cause him pain in any way, and he knew that, despite his brave face, and his convictions, and his love for Grizz, killing Campbell was undoubtedly going to hurt Sam.

But Grizz didn’t know how to fix this.

He wasn’t so sure he could.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sam left to return to Allie’s around midday.

Grizz walked him to the door, even tried to insist upon walking him home, but Sam assured him that he would be fine, reminding him that the only real threat was locked away in Luke’s basement.

So, with peppered kisses and signed ‘I love yous,’ Sam left, and, for the first time in a long time, Grizz had a house to himself.

It was weird.

To be honest, he wasn’t sure what to do with all of the peace and quiet that surrounded him. He wasn’t entirely convinced that the silence was so peaceful at the moment - it was more eerie than anything, but it was still preferable to a crowded house full of uncertainty and constant talk of what they were going to do next, what to do about Campbell, who was going to lead, how they were going to make it work.

Grizz needed a break from all of that. He needed to get his head straight. He needed to be ready to face Campbell in the trial.

Sam came by later that night, splitting his time between home with Eden and Becca at Allie’s, and stolen moments with Grizz at his place. He brought Grizz rations when he didn’t want to face the questions everyone would inevitably have the following day about why he wasn’t staying at Allie’s anymore. He stayed for as long as he could each time he came by, but it was never long enough.

It didn’t take long before reality crept back in.

Grizz had only been allowed to enjoy a couple of days of solitude before he was pulled back into the fray by an insistent knock on his door.

Grizz peered out of the window and was a little surprised to see Helena waiting on his porch. Confused and intrigued, Grizz unlocked the door and pulled it open.

He was about to ask what she wanted when he saw Elle standing just behind her, backpack slung over her shoulder, arms folded protectively over her chest.

“Can we come in?” Helena asked, peering out onto the darkened street behind her anxiously.

“Uh, yeah. Yeah,” Grizz cleared his throat, stepping aside as Helena ushered Elle in ahead of her.

Grizz hadn’t known that Helena and Elle were friends. He’d sort of thought Helena had a problem with her when they’d been in school, but he supposed he knew as well as anyone that a lot had changed since then - _people_ had changed.

And both girls looked worried - scared.

“What’s going on?” Grizz prompted when neither Elle nor Helena launched into an explanation for their impromptu visit.

Helena wrung her hands together, “I...people have started showing up at the house,” she began, voice shaky and uncertain.

“People,” Grizz repeated, “What kind of people?”

“Angry people,” she continued, “People with weapons - bats, crowbars - “

“Guns?”

She gave a half-hearted shrug, “I-I don’t know, maybe.”

“Okay…” Grizz breathed, because, as uneasy as what she was saying made him, he still didn’t quite understand what she was doing _here_ with Elle Tomkins.

“They’re there for Campbell,” Elle blurted, and Helena averted her gaze.

Grizz’s eyebrows rose, “Like, to free him?”

“We don’t know th - “ Helena began, but Elle cut her off.

“Yes,” she stated with certainty, shifting her weight.

“Okay,” Grizz said again, “What’s that got to do with me?”

“Can Elle stay here with you?” Helena asked bluntly.

Grizz blinked at her, struggling to follow what was happening, “With me? I mean, yeah, sure, but…”

Helena gave an exasperated sigh, “Campbell’s been…” she glanced at Elle, who looked to the floor, “Campbell. And she was staying with us, but with him being there, and the mob outside, and everything being the way it is with the Guard, and Harry, and Allie…”

She didn’t need to explain what she meant by that - _Campbell’s been Campbell._ Grizz knew what that meant. He knew how Campbell had treated Sam, “He was hurting you,” he concluded, speaking to Elle directly.

The blonde wiped stubbornly at her tears, sleeves pulled down over her hands, but said nothing.

She didn’t really need to.

“She just needs somewhere safe to lay low until this is all over,” Helena pleaded, “You’re the only one I trust, Grizz. Please.”

“Yeah - yeah, she can stay here,” Grizz decided, because there was no decision to make. He looked to Elle, offering her a small smile, “Of course you can.”

She smiled back at him, mouthing a near silent, “Thank you.”  
He nodded.

Helena, too, offered him a grateful smile, “I know it’s asking a lot, and after everything you’ve been through, but I just didn’t know where else to go. I don’t even…” she gave a humourless chuckle, shaking her head, “I don’t even know which way is up anymore, you know? But you - you’re one of the good ones. I know you’ll take care of her.”

“Yeah - I’ll do my best,” he promised.

“Luke says to call him if you need anything, or if anything seems off. Okay?”

“Will do.”

Helena turned to Elle and took her in her arms, hugging her tightly, “You’re gonna be okay, I promise,” she muttered, and Elle nodded hurriedly, sniffling as the girls parted, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

With that, and with another ‘thank you,’ Helena disappeared back out into the night, leaving Grizz and Elle standing opposite each other, neither one quite sure what to do next, now that they were alone.

Grizz hardly knew her, really. They hadn’t really spoken much, aside from that one time after everything went to hell. She always seemed nice enough to him - a little quiet and closed off, maybe, but nice.

“C’mon, you can crash in my parents’ room,” he smiled, gesturing for her to follow as he headed up the stairs, “It’s a king size bed - should be pretty awesome. And they’ve got, like...an en-suite bathroom, so, you won’t have to worry about sharing or anything like that. You’ll have your own space.”

He led her down the hall, past his own room to the end where his parents’ room was located, stepping aside to let her go in first.

She smiled sheepishly at him as she passed, peering around once she was inside, taking it in.

“Hope it’s okay - if you need anything else, just let me know and we can figure something out.”

She turned to face him, “It’s perfect,” she assured him, “Thank you for doing this, Grizz. I really appreciate it a-and I don’t take any of this lightly. It means a lot. I hope you know that.”

He smiled, looking her over, taking note of the way she tried to make herself as small as possible, tugging anxiously at her sleeves to ensure that they covered her arms. His eyes panned over the bags under her eyes, followed the way she kept reaching up to tuck her hair back off of her face, shifting her weight back and forth.

She was practically vibrating with a nervous energy that Grizz recognized far too easily. He’d only just become acquainted with that particular brand of anxiety that was born out of surviving an encounter with Campbell Eliot.

That constant fear that you might run into him around every corner, in every darkened room.

It made his blood boil to see it reflected ten-fold in someone else.

“We’re gonna get him this time,” he murmured, recalling how Allie had offered him the same reassurances just a few days earlier.

Elle’s polite smile faltered and she swallowed thickly, “We better. For both our sakes.”


End file.
